Astrid ‘Chickpea Brain’ Vella pronounces herself at last

People are shocked, but really it’s what I’ve said all along – she’s completely typical of her kind. If you think this is awful, think yourself fortunate to have never been in a room full of people talking like this, because I have and I can’t slip out of the door quickly enough.

It’s a combination of mediocre IQ, poor exposure to life outside their immediate circle, and a willingness to do things only as long as it amuses them (play at being an environmentalist) and does not inconvenience them or take up too much of their time.

And we can’t be serious about anything because that is so unacceptable. You have to keep things light and jolly.

‘The University of America’ indeed – she’s researching the matter so thoroughly that she can’t even get the name right.