I am also assuming that your child is between 3 and 4 years old, since you compared her with children in that age group. A 3-year-old would normally be at school till noon or 12.30pm, and go home to lunch, have time to relax and play, catch up on the day and sometimes get out in the fresh air.

“She does not even begin to compare with her counterparts in Malta as far as mannerisms go.” Surely you meant “manners”, which are not the same thing as mannerisms?

Manners, C Camilleri, are something which should be learnt from a tender age (my children learnt how to say “please”, “thank you” and “you’re welcome” way before they could say “mummy”); they are something which should come naturally, but unfortunately often don’t, because many are the adults who deride what they think of as “niceties”.

Being brought up by grandparents, on the other hand, would be preferable to being shunted around from nanny to nanny – often coming from an alien culture (be it local or foreign). A grandparent is often the closest thing you could get to a parent when it comes to unconditional love and care-giving. Nannies often see it as just another job. One of the teachers who was a known bully at school in fact nannies children to supplement her income – I’d never dream of leaving my children with her.

Yes, young children are often like miniature adults (in all the wrong ways), but that is usually the fault of the parents, who do not allow them the time to be children and to play in their own familiar environment. No amount of parks, funfairs and the like can make up for a loving home and a mother who is present during the child’s active, waking hours.

You said that you enjoy your daughter’s company. I hope that she enjoys yours too. Surely she’d appreciate a mother who’s there for her on a regular basis – one who’s there for her when she comes back from school upset, one to whom she excitedly holds out a painting on running out of class … You know what I mean.

Many a time I have attended “mother’s mornings” at my children’s school. There were always two or three children in each class whose mother never bothered turning up; their children were usually the unruly ones, and no wonder. I really felt for them, especially when I could see the excited look on my kids’ faces, knowing how long they had been rehearsing their song or whatever, and how they so desperately tried to keep the present they made a secret until “the day” came. Imagine the children whose mother never turned up, and who never even bothered to ask a relative/nanny to turn up instead.

No, C Camilleri, no amount of natural parks can make up for the love and care from a mother, especially in a child’s early years.

Weekends are for family time, yes, but that does not mean that your child should wait till bedtime to be cared for by you.

Childcare in Malta is a non-starter. If you do not have the grand parents to care for your children then you have a big problem as was my case. And btw I do not want my children be brought up by grandparents. Have you ever noticed that these children are loosing out on their innocence. Speak to any 3-4 year olds and it is as if you are speaking to a 60 year old.

My child is well care for from 8.30am till 17.30 everyday. We live in mainland Europe by the way. Well cared for does not mean that she is put in front of a TV in a crowded, stuffy classroom eating sandwiches for lunch.
Far from that. I am so proud that my daughter goes there and she learns so much as being polite, soft spoken and disciplined. She does not even begin to compare with her counterparts in Malta as far as mannerisms go. We still do enjoy her company, we never miss a weekend where we are involved with a family outing, parks, rivers, lakes, funparks, zoos and so many other outdoor activities.

I am sorry to say, Malta is not so attractive when it comes to raising children and having a family. FULLSTOP.

You also wrote that you and your wife “both intend to take care of the child”. By that, do you mean by ferrying it to day-care from the age of one?

I’m sorry to sound so offensive, but I’m sick of seeing people so “desperate” to have a child by whatever means – fertility treatment, adoption, whatever – only to put that child into day-care (sometimes from 8am – 2pm at “school”, only to be dumped at a child-care centre in some hotel kids’ club or other till the evening, usually going home to sleep, or kept up till 10pm or later for the parents’ “enjoyment”).

Children are not commodities or necessities. They are human beings – persons in their own right – and, once adults choose to bring a child into the world or adopt it, they should bloody well make sure that they are around to care for it THEMSELVES in the first place.

Nothing could replace a mother’s love, and a child needs more than a home to sleep in at night or a room full of toys which, at the end of the day, it is never really there to play with.

It’s true that parenthood should be shared, but you have got to face facts. In Malta it is usually the father who is the main bread-winner, and who is usually the one with longer – and often less flexible – working hours. So unless mother and father have comparable earning power and working hours, it makes sense that most of the ferrying is done by the mother – unless, of course – the services of a nanny/stand-in parent (nanna/auntie) are made use of.

I also disagree with your statement that “it is up to the employer to ensure that the mother has comfortable working hours”. An employer is NOT a charitable institution. It is up to the mother to ensure that – should her working hours not be convenient – she opts for a job with shorter working hours, which would at least more or less coincide with her child’s school hours when the child is young, which would still leave the problem of what to do when that child is unwell and unable to go to school, which usually happens more often than not in the early school years.

Why have children at all, if not to satisfy your own primeval urges, if you are unwilling or unable to care for them yourself?

I guess it’s my turn to take offense now. We decided to try for a child, despite knowing that we did not have the means to stay home for the first few years. Does that automatically make me a bad future parent? This is pretty much the norm in Sweden, where the mother, in general, stay home for the first year or so, not longer. Are you suggesting all those Swedish mothers are selfish?

My own mother was home for my first year and have been working full time every since and I can assure you, the care and closeness I’ve had with my mother (and father of course) is at least as high as what I tend to see here. And I can assure you I have never been a bully in school, as you seem to imply people of my kind should be.

The problem here is that everyone keeps mentioning it as a responsibility of the mother, when this certainly does not have to be the case. Me and my wife have equal responsibilities in the household. We both do chores, we both intend to take care of the child and we both work full time.

I’m also surprised at your comment, Daphne, and the fact that you also seem to adhere to the standard of drop-offs, pick-ups and househould chores are the responsibility of the mother. I know this has become a standard here, but I get the impression you, at least partly, agree to this standard.

But this is also where it falls back on the employer to make sure the mother have comfortable hours, a bit of flexibility and the understanding when motherhood calls. I don’t think this is too much to ask from Maltese employers, especially since it’s the norm here to expect long hours overtime without extra pay.

Malta needs a shift in mentality and I disagree completely that it’s not up to legislation to have a part in it.

I was about to say myself that unless a woman who choses to have a child (or adopt one, for that matter) is prepared to care for that child herself for its first few years, then it is selfish to bring a child into the world (or to adopt one), simply to satisfy maternal instincts and for no reason other than to keep up with the Joneses.

I am sick of seeing “priveleged” children being shunted from nanny to nanny to nanna to nannu, when the child/children would be better off with fewer material possessions (if any at all) and more attention from mummy (and, preferably, from daddy too).

These children are invariably the most pushy, most dominant, ill-mannered children, and yet are usually the ones who so desperately crave attention. They often know no boundaries, have little or no repect for other people’s property or possessions, and are also almost invariably little bullies.

There are several such children who I come across at school and elsewhere, and yet I realise that they are often the ones whose parents often make no effort to even come to their end-of-year performance or even to their birthday party!

I have often found myself trying to explain to my young children (in simple terms), when they are bullied or teased by such a child, that although they should stand their ground with them, they should also do their best to befriend them, because they crave attention and have a desperate need to feel loved and wanted.

It’s a very sad situation – for the children, especially, but also, to a much lesser extent, for the parents, who do not realise that they are missing out on their child’s most wonderful years.

I have chosen not to use my name here, because I realise that by doing so I could cause offence to many people I know.

Could it be that female sales-reps are more attractive to male GPs?

About working women ,all I can say is that they should at least start working(for money or as a volunteer) after their youngest child starts attending secondary school. This sends a clear message to the child that now s/he has grown up and should start helping around the house , unlike (probably) the two twenty year olds which Daphne mentioned.I know of a manager who on Saturdays helps his stay at home wife in her household chores , dusting the furniture, while his two fat daughters stay in their rooms ‘studying’ on their computers. BTW , he also gives them pocket money .
When our kids were very young an office employee wrote “house wife” as the occupation of my wife , I objected to it and told him that she is MY wife not the house’s wife.

[Daphne – If the woman you mention is at home Monday to Friday and does not have a job outside the home, nor demanding babies and toddlers, why on earth does she wait until Saturday to do the dusting and cleaning? And why does she need help from her husband? I’d like to know how this notion arose that even housewives (yes, John, that’s the word) need help with the chores, preferably from a husband who has been out of the house commuting and working between 7.30am and 6pm. It’s not like we don’t have a myriad labour-saving appliances, unless you’re speaking about somebody who simply has to wash every floor twice a day.]

“I would set up a Co-Operative Child care within Local Councils to empower women to participate in remunerated work, once they have children, since I believe that the major problem facing the Maltese society in this arena is the lack of affordable quality care for children. This co-operative, would require parent involvement on a voluntary basis, which would be the key ingredient to help keep the costs down, and whilst providing such a vital service, it would contribute to local economic development and job creation. As a non-profit multi-stakeholder organization, the majority of its operating revenue would pay salaries and wages for the jobs being created.
Co-operatives are jointly owned enterprises formed by people coming together to meet their needs. They are based on ethical values and principles including self-help, democracy, equality, and concern for community. They empower individuals, and encourage healthier and stronger communities by enabling people to pool their resources, share risks and achieve common goals.
Child care co-operatives empower parents and families by giving them a say in the care of their children and an opportunity to help shape the co-operative through involvement in committees, the board of directors, and operational activities. Parents also gain new skills and knowledge of early childhood development through education programs, and they often build informal family and social support networks with other members of the co-operative. The bottom line is about quality care for children, delivered in a cost-effective way.
Child care is an inherently costly business since it is labour intensive. In Malta, these costs are carried disproportionately by women – mothers and many times grandmothers whose costs result from a huge loss of earnings. The key issue therefore is not whether we can afford the costs – because they already exist – but how these costs are allocated – in particular between parents, employers and the government.
It is being suggested that The National Standards for Child Day Care Facilities should recognize parent involvement in the facility by including trained parent/grandparent volunteers in the adult child ratio.

A Partnership between the Association of Local Councils, the Employment and Training Corporation and the Co-operative child care could be formed to apply for EU Structural Funding, Cohesion Policy 2007-2013, Operating Programme II – Empowering People for more jobs and a better quality of life.”

Furthermore, the Co-Operative could support employers – falling under certain criteria which establishes that they are small – by providing grants for the payment of maternity leave, as an incentive to retain employees they would otherwise not afford to keep. Another possible solution would be that the Co-Operative helps to work out a job-sharing arrangement. This encourages employees to find a balance between their work and family responsibilities. Apart from increased flexibility, job-sharing provides specific benefits such as the possibility of a partnership where one’s skills and abilities are complemented by the other partner, opportunities to learn from the job-sharing partner, and mutual support and encouragement on the job. The employer, on the other part, would thus be getting continuity of coverage since it may be possible for one partner to cover for another in certain circumstances, such as maternity leave, sickness and holidays. It may also be possible for both employees to work at the same time, during peak periods. Such an arrangement can be a win-win situation for both the employer and the employees.