John, let us agree to disagree.

My apologies for the confusion over whom you support – I thought it was you who passed a remark about my going to a Nazareth concert (accompanying Dan MacCafferty’s vocals on ‘This Flight Tonight’ was a much bigger thrill than a plate of pasta, I can assure you all) instead of watching United live. I must have been mistaken.

I’m a Blackpool supporter myself. But good luck at Old Trafford anyway, which is what I presume you’re referring to.

I didn’t do anything of the sort. Now to something far more serious than food – I’m predicting a 2-1 victory tomorrow. You?

Tim, my point is quite a simple one really. Food and sex are the two basic driving forces of nature, that we share with the rest of our brethren in the animal kingdom. Try to enjoy them both. You complain about and enumerate the hardships involved in getting your food onto the table, and then disposing of the mess. But what about the similar, if not greater, effort involved in the procurement of sex, and the sometimes much messier disposal of a relationship. Footie, religion and the rest of it are our inventions to while away the time in between. And, of course, when you get to the age that even a ton of viagra is ineffective – all you’ll have left is food. Enjoy.

Incidently, I wonder if the non-access of Daphne’s dogs to bitches amounts to animal cruelty?

[Daphne – They’re gay.]

And then he accuses ME of being a fetishist.

Eine Piefke! I certainly know what you mean (after over three years in Vienna, with an Austrian partner – also called Andrea – how could I not know). I have no such prejudices though, since I’m not Austrian.

John, I like to have sex on the table too, occasionally. I take it that’s your point – ‘good sex with good company, and no urgency to get up from (the) table’. I don’t agree with post-coital lounging on a table (too hard and unyielding for me) but I am in general agreement here.

Mario Debono, I can assure you that the LAST thing I am is dull. I’m well-read, multi-talented, intelligent, multi-lingual and I have a long list of interesting experiences (including sex on tables) which I’ve been through, all of which are more memorable than any of the tens of thousands of meals I’ve had to eat to stay alive. I wouldn’t dare to call you names just because you are, by your own admission, a seriously overweight smoker who’s main interest in life is eating but I’m pretty glad to be a slim non-smoker who can sustain an intelligent conversation on a myriad subjects, including, for what it’s worth, food, so I’d appreciate it if you kept your ill-judged remarks about my personality to yourself. Just because I have a different and extremely light-hearted opinion about food, there’s no need for insults.
Lighten up.

I am overweight, and badly so, and on a sort of diet. BUT I am also a self confessed foodie. I love cooking, reading, and eating, in good company. I daresay that a good meal, with a goodbottle of wine, a decent coffee and a cigarette afterwards in one of life’s great pleasures.

If one has no taste for food, then one’s life has very little meaning. You must be a very dull person, Mr Ripard.

Tim, I am a ‘Piefke’ if you know what I mean. The Austrian equivalent of ‘Fritz’ or ‘Kraut’.

Ahhh! Now we’re talking – good food with good company. I thoroughly agree with you there, but my focus would be on the company, not the food.

Let me explain my philosophy further. This is how I see the necessity to eat: it takes up a lot of time and effort, namely, 1) thinking and choosing what to eat, 2) going to purchase the ingredients, often from different sources, 3) unloading purchases, carting them in to the house, distributing and storing the various ingredients in their locations, 4) assembling ingredients, 5) preparation (trimming, soaking, marinating, whatever), 6) combining and cooking, 7) serving, along with any accompaniments and 8) post-prandial – cleaning and washing up and replacing cutlery, crockery etc in their respective places.

You will notice I don’t mention the eating – that’s the easy and congenial part, I agree, and especially in good company. This is why I love to eat out – you get the good bits and avoid the hard work – but unfortunately I can’t afford to do that more than once or, at a pinch, twice a week, so eating really does involve a lot of work and takes up a lot of time.