He’ll be late,because of his tight schedule.

Between Jason’s balls and Silvio’s pearl necklaces, there’s a lot going on in Labour.

The Palace seems to be another vintage theatre in Labour’s property portfolio, the outdated red scarves discovered in the attic in Mile End.

We are told that its list of candidates will surprise us.

Occasionally, a candidate is revealed, like Edward Scicluna and Chris Fearne, and we find that it is no surprise at all, because he was always Labour and the likelihood of him standing for election to the Maltese parliament was great.

We are told that its policies will be ‘revealed’ at the right moment.

We are told that surprises will be handed out at candidates’ parties.

We are told that the way in which they are going to reduce electricity rates is a surprise, and I think they’re going to be taken by surprise too.

Joseph promises surprise scoops to tamed journalists in return for their support, as with that journalist at RTK.

We are told to vote Labour and be surprised, but I don’t like surprises.

No. The event is being held at the Palace. Joseph il-King will turn up at the event just before the bingo gets under way, at which point there will be a spontaneous collection of funds for his empire. That is the surprise.