Mela ghalhekk din l-ghagla kollha ghall-elezzjoni – trid tkun bhal Cherie Blair u Samantha Cameron u twelled Kastilja. Hello magazine diga bbukjati.

Yes we know. Hawn hafna minnhom Malta. Tarafhom. Mohhom f’Gant, Ralph Lauren, Lacoste, Gucci u Vuitton. Biex jghattu dak li hemm taht.

X’cuc hu Versace.

Vide the one of the satin top. Now if you’re pregnant or slightly on the large side, satin is a big no-no.

So true. People outside Malta are wearing fewer blatantly obvious designer brands. You can’t buy style. You either have it, or you don’t.

Hafna Maltin huma kopja ezatta ta’ dawn it-tnejn. Dawn it-tnejn xempju klassiku tas-socjeta Maltija, moderata u progressiva.

All flash on the outside, no class on the inside, zero contents in between the ears.

Or graduating from the University of Malta thinking they’ve made it. Posting chav comments on Facebook (whilst working as translators in Brussels) to tell the whole world how well they’ve done.

No they won’t understand. Malta is full of chavs and wannabes, hamalli who wear Ralph Lauren logo shirts with a huge graphic tattoo underneath it, Calvin Klein shorts and Levi’s Jeans.

Louis Vuitton handbags, Burberry scarves and Gucci shoes. Faces full of Chanel makeup. BMW’s and Mini Coopers imported specially for them at half the showroom price.

Welcome to chav Malta. Enjoy your stay.

Lowlife also means someone of low social status.

It was available from H&M for €14.99 and makes one look preggy. A Super1 presenter was also wearing an identical one on TV last Sunday.

How did you write your compositions before they invented the internet, Kevin?