If your, er, spinster aunt is in need of, shall we say, a full-blooded male companion to, ahem, go out with a bang, then look no further.

I promise I won’t divide the estate.

@Baxxter: Unfortunately my only spinster aunt who incidentally fancies herself as quite a singer, will probably die penniless, having spent her money on travels to the far-flung corners of the world.

Joseph Calleja comes across as well-spoken and charming. However, I just don’t get his sex appeal. I suppose in the world of classical music it’s acceptable to be of big stature (thinking Pavarotti here) but in real life it’s better methinks to be average and blend in.

Still, please do tell more about your insight into old maids’ quirks as it’s absolutely hilarious to imagine an old maid swooning in this day and age.

Thanks for the advice. Just what I thought. I used to go to the theatre in London, straight from the office in my work wear. It just doesn’t make sense for the event to have a black tie dress code especially bearing in mind the free standing area and the August heat.

As to long hair, it’s softly layered and average length really but I know what you mean as I would go for short hair if I had a pronounced bone structure instead of a rounded face. Tempted to chop it off to something more age-appropriate.

The only reason to consider pulling up the hair is that perspiration, heat and humidity can make wavy hair go awol. Drawback is, stylists always argue that you can’t have an updo done unless you use spray and I’ve always refused the stuff.

Any self-respecting gentleman would never submit to the Maltese baseness of a Gala concert in August. In the normal Europe (i.e. everywhere else), the classical concert season ends in June at the latest. But we have to go one concert too far to attract “it-turiiiizmu”.

But if your beau insists on accompanying you, then black tie really is the only way about it. Otherwise he’d just look like an office worker and that must be avoided at all costs.

The secret’s in the fabric of the suit. A blend of wool and silk works best. Over a cotton shirt. Silk if he’s a bit of a dandy. An undergarment with attached cooling system, similar to the one worn by astronauts, is recommended.

A wiser choice is to pass the tickets on to some rich great-aunt who’s on the verge of popping her clogs. You’ll become her instant favourite for sending her off to see the masculine and sexy (that’s what all old maids think) Joseph Calleja, and she’ll change her will accordingly. Her heart will beat like a teenage girl who’s been invited to Justin Bieber’s dressing-room. The August heat should finish her off.

Then you can start living in style.

Those are some shorts.

[Daphne – Strictly speaking, that means black tie, but don’t count on it because you never know nowadays. You’ll probably turn up and find people in chinos. I can’t see why it should be gala anyway. A concert? In August? Even at the smartest theatres in Europe and North America the dress code is now whatever you’ve been wearing the rest of the day.]

I have long hair and have never done an updo in my entire life but the thought of a mane of hair hanging on my back and shoulders in a heat wave is quite unpleasant. Just wondering what hairstyles are appropriate for women. Don’t trust salons as they go overboard with updos, hence why so many women look awful at Maltese weddings.

[Daphne – Just book an appointment at a salon where the clientele are not members of The High Society or similar (so no vulgar hair creations stiff with curls, loops and spray) and ask for a sleek, plain bun or French pleat. Couldn’t be simpler. You have to be young for this, otherwise you’ll end up looking older – but if you have long hair you probably are.]

Do you still rehydrate at our old place after your power walks? That fruity Hungarian waitress must be pining away for you.