Blumenthal is a pretentious twunt.

He’d never tasted pizza outside the UK before he made his programme. He’d never had spaghetti “bolognese” outside the UK either.

What sort of a culinary education is that?

Having said that, he does have three Michelin stars and giant wads of cash which enable him to sample the best crumpet despite having a face like a sandblasted hog.

Bog diving.

Boiled cabbage? What’s that?

Blumenthal is an expert of molecular cuisine (which I’ve never had the guts to try) and a 3 Michelin-starred chef. I don’t know if your realise that ‘celebrity chef’ has a very negative connotation.

Viva chi regna, that’s why. Don’t forget that Kif Tista Ma CCempilx voted Labour (for the man in the wig) in 1996. Says a lot about him – could have kept us out of Europe, but what the hell did Joe Azzopardi care about that.

What happened? Did he flash them in the locker-room, or did he pass the soap too hard?

Wow. So we can expect him to pull a couple of rabbits out of his hat and find a coin behind ‘Pappi’s’ ear. Can’t wait.

Maybe he’ll even twist some of those long balloons into amusing dachshund shapes – or maybe even more amusing willy shapes for the Friday night adult audience.

Sandro Chetcuti has a mouth on him like one of those salesmen on the shopping channels. The problem will be shutting him up.

No. His hot dates with Mintoff at Delimara in the year dot, his nights as a magician after his days spent working as a lab technician, the red Ferrari he lent to ‘Faderrr Gordinnn’ and Consuelo-and-Robert’s super-sexy parties full of hamalli who don’t know they are.