I too would like to make light of our minister, but let’s not let the humour derail our assessment. This man is a millionaire, and that’s the reason he’s never been short of women.

Wait a sec. He thinks he has 500 thousand euro. It could be anything between 500euro and 5million euro. Its those blasted zeros which gets him in a knot!

I think we’re talking past each other here. I know just how unattractive Maltese men are, and how difficult it is for them to attract pretty women. I was merely remarking on the hypocrisy of those jingoistic little Maltesers who praise Malta to high heaven, but who will then satisfy their carnal and amorous needs elsewhere.

But they are, Daphne. Every public event I go to in which the fashionistas, glitterati and rich men of Malta are present is chock-a-block with blonde sylphs from Scandinavia and Germany. And none of them are lap dancers.

[Daphne – Those are not the men we are talking about here, H.P. When men ‘buy’ desperate women, they do so not because they are pretty (though occasionally, that’s a bonus) but because their desperation makes them obedient. Have you not stopped to think what’s in it for the women? Codruta Mallia is not pretty. But just think how desperate she must have been to marry Manuel Mallia, and how likely to put up with anything and everything as a result. Also, you overlook the fact that Maltese men are in general extremely unattractive, and actually find it difficult to get attractive Maltese women to date them because they too have more choices and are looking elsewhere. Why do you think Maltese women go wild every time a warship full of handsome strangers puts in to port? They’re fed up of looking at the same men, who were never attractive to begin with, growing older and even less attractive.]

So no, it’s not because the men want a submissive woman but because they want a pretty one. Now I don’t blame them. But the difference between them and me is that I don’t go around saying Malta is the place to be.

Surely the place to be for any chap is where his heart is, and if your heart is in the Carpathians, well then that’s the place to be.

[Daphne – Their heart is most definitely not in the Carpathians, H. P., and I think I might know a little bit more about this unless we are talking about men in their 20s and 30s. Their heart is in Malta, a drive away from the creature comforts they have known since childhood, in a familiar and unthreatening environment, but with a woman who serves the purpose of a human spittoon for an organ other than the mouth. When that gets boring, they find another one. The thing about Maltese men, H. P. – those of my generation and older, at least – is that they have NO CONVERSATION AT ALL. And their attitude tends towards the atavistic. The minute you wrench them out of their familiar haunts in Malta and transport them elsewhere, they are revealed for what they are and they become extremely uncomfortable. They are also at a loss because their points of reference have been removed. Why do you think so many Maltese marriages break down in that generation – because the women are difficult? Because they are not pretty? Because they are not from Sweden or Romania? No, because the men were insufferable to begin with and only become worse with age. And the women either don’t ‘obey’, as a result of which the man runs off telling her he will find somebody who will, or the women themselves run off, having had enough. Facts of life. Most men don’t want a pretty woman, H.P. They just want one who won’t give them a hard time and who’ll make them feel – not look – good.]

In this case, it is he who is the disgusting one.

Hell, I’d marry an ugly, fat, old, balding Romanian millionaire myself if I could find one.

And Ruby Rubacuori was Mubarek’s niece too. Amazing what these nieces get up to.

There are plenty of ordinary Ukrainians married to Maltese. If we’re to stereotype anyone, let’s stereotype the lying Maltese male, who claims to be a patriotic Maltipur but hankers after Ruthenian flesh.

[Daphne – It’s got nothing to do with that, H. P. Ask yourself why they’re not marrying Swedes or Germans. The simple truth of the matter is that your average Maltese man likes women who, translating from the vernacular here, “stay where they’re put”.]

[Daphne – Nobody’s doing that, Mariella. We are only stereotyping the sort of Ukrainian women Chris Cardona knows. There are other nationalities, but we needn’t go into that here. And the Maltese women in that demi-monde are no better, but we have discussed those endlessly.]

Because the ones who aren’t funny are the ones you haven’t heard of.