You know, Jozef, the one thing that struck me in this entire debate is how our government seems to be living on another planet.

Joseph Muscat seems to think we’re buying everything from “the internet” or perhaps that our daily shopping list consists of iPods, iPads and DVDs. It doesn’t.

Here’s Baxxter’s shopping list for August, as far as I can remember it.

1. Groceries. Now you’d have to be a really deluded prime minister to think I bought these from Amazon. So Maltese supermarkets are doing a pretty fine trade off me. And groceries are the one thing I cannot live without (QED) and the one thing I need to buy afresh every day (QED again. You can’t shit back and reuse your food. Excuse the explicit detail but these things really have to be explained the Villa Francia crowd, who probably get their groceries bought by their Filipino/Ukrainian maid.)

2. Lots of coffees. Again, I can’t buy a cup of espresso from Amazon and have it delivered to my door. So cafés love me.

3. Petrol. Ditto. Amazon don’t do jerrycans.

4. UK Gear trainers. The Salomons were falling off my feet. Both were bought online. They aren’t sold anywhere in Malta, and even if they were, it would be bloody Eurosport with its ridiculous markups.

5. A superb pair of Bjørn Dæhlie shreddies. Made in Poland, so my conscience is clear. Bought online. See 4 above.

6. A roll of electrical tape and a can of WD40 from my local ironmonger’s. (Thanks, Pawlu)

7. A book on courtly love for Ritienne. I knew the specific book, it was on stock at Amazon, and I couldn’t be fagged to spend a whole day doing the rounds of Agenda and Sapienza and back, only to be told they didn’t have it (they wouldn’t. It’s in German).

That’s about it. I did buy a laptop, but that was two years ago. Online. Because it was about 10% cheaper. Ipod, bought three years ago, online. Because the model wasn’t yet available in Malta.

I may lead an ascetic life by Edward ‘Profs’ Scicluna’s standards, but then I don’t have the luxury of a massive salary.

P.S. No, I don’t buy the papers.

P.P.S. The items in no. 6 are not in any way connected to the ones in no. 7. Or in no. 5.

Ghandi T-shirt ORIGINALI ta’ Isard du Pont, minn qiegh l-80s, ghall-highest bidder. Starting bid hija 100 Euros.

We often wonder if Maltese women, bar Daphne, have a single brain cell between them.

Is there a single testicle between Maltese men?

Later that day I found the same jacket on sale at 50% off at the brand site: 50% off.

So I learned a lesson. Never buy international brands from a Maltese shop unless you have a look online to see if the same product is available at a much lower price.

[Daphne – In a liberal economy, the government can’t control the prices of consumer goods. That is the function of competition: hence the internet and the retailers’ complaints.]

The only way he could ban internet shopping would be to leave the EU. Malta would also have to leave the WTO World Trade Organisation which Malta joined in 1995. At that point Malta would have very few countries to export to. We could then ask for observer status as opposed to being members. Here is a list of the countries having observer status:

Afghanistan
Algeria
Andorra
Azerbaijan
Bahamas
Belarus
Bhutan
Bosnia and Herzegovina
Comoros
Equatorial Guinea
Ethiopia
Holy See (Vatican)
Iran
Iraq
Kazakhstan
Lebanese Republic
Liberia, Republic of
Libya
Sao Tomé and Principe
Serbia
Seychelles
Sudan
Syrian Arab Republic
Uzbekistan

I think you get the idea. Bottom line, Muscat is full of crap.

Then it’s time for your retailers to form an intelligent lobby and petition for intelligent solutions. In this case, the extension of the Freeport to all and any freight, including the stuff that’s then sold in Maltese shops.

Isn’t Malta Freeport touted as an example of a success story? Then flatter the government, and suggest radical solutions.

1) Extortionate prices, even when on sale as compared to abroad.
2) Poor customer service.
3) Ill-mannered shop floor staff, some of them downright rude.
4) Parking nightmares in some localities.
5) The stifling heat in summer, and before some smart alec pipes up, no, no one can be blamed for that.
6) Opening hours. Shops in most places in the UK shut at 8 or 9pm and are open all day on Saturdays and from 10am to 4 or 5pm on Sundays.
7) The convenience and leisure of shopping from the comfort of one’s own home.