MACDUFF
Did you go to bed so late, my friend, that you’re having a hard time getting up now?

PORTER
That’s right sir, we were drinking until 3 A.M., and drink, sir, makes a man do three things.

MACDUFF
What three things does drink make a man do?

PORTER
Drinking turns your nose red, it puts you to sleep, and it makes you urinate. Lust it turns on but also turns off. What I mean is, drinking stimulates desire but hinders performance. Therefore, too much drink is like a con artist when it comes to your sex drive. It sets you up for a fall. It gets you up but it keeps you from getting off. It persuades you and discourages you. It gives you an erection but doesn’t let you keep it, if you see what I’m saying. It makes you dream about erotic experiences, but then it leaves you asleep and needing to pee.

MACDUFF
I believe drink did all of this to you last night.

PORTER
It did, sir. It got me right in the throat. But I got even with drink. I was too strong for it. Although it weakened my legs and made me unsteady, I managed to vomit it out and laid it flat on the ground.