Angelik gives birth to Rosemary's baby
The trick is to open your legs, Angelik. Now push!
Catherine and Angelik Caruana have called in the television cameras to witness the birth of Rosemary’s baby. Catherine grips Angelik’s hand as he lies on their sodda bl-iskultura u d-damask ahmar and times the contractions with a stopwatch in one hand and a camera in the other.
At one point she is seen bending over to whisper in her husband’s ear. The camera crew strain to hear her words of encouragement. “Push harder, you fool! We’ve got a lot hanging on this.”
Angelik strains and pants, but the plastic foetus that Catherine bought off Gift of Life and stuffed up his butt using copious amounts of cooking-oil (but no salt) is jammed fast.
The cameras are rolling. The lights are creating an inordinate amount of heat in the tightly-packed room. Angelik breaks into a sweat. Catherine discreetly presses the pump on an old bottle of April Violets cologne that somebody had given her for Christmas 10 years before. “Is-sinjura!” she snaps, in her best policewoman voice. “Is-sinjura waslet!”
The statuette stands on the chest-of-drawers in a heap of sea-salt. The sunflower oil is beginning to turn rancid. Catherine is having to go further and further afield to buy it because Gianni ta’ Nuna at the grocer’s down the street is getting a little suspicious – and he’s owed a lot of money.
The camera-man is bored. There are few thrills in watching a fat git groaning and straining as though he’s trying to take a massive dump in the wrong position – and place. He throws his best ventriloquist’s voice in the direction of the Little Queen of Salt. A squeak emerges from between those blood-stained lips: “Iftah saqajk, ja cuc.”
There is a frozen silence. As Angelik relaxes in surprise, the plastic foetus pops out. The oversight becomes apparent: he is still wearing his trackie bottoms. Catherine is about to fish around beneath the elastic when suddenly she stops and goes wild with her April Violets. As those who have witnessed the miraculous birth begin to pass out, she screeches: “Ma ghidtlekx biex tipporga qabel, idjota!”
The camera crew flee, gagging. But Catherine knows a thing or two about turning challenges into opportunities. This is, after all, holy shit. She calls to Doreen for the freezer-bags.
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You should be a scriptwriter for Blackadder!
This reminds me of Monty Python. Unbelievable what merde people believe in.
We need to turn this into a cartoon and put it on youtube.
Hey, Daphne, if this is your own work, (and something tells me it is,) then, Madonna mia (mhux tan-Nadur), move over Woody Allen, you’ve got competition.
I’m @*&@#@£% myself laughing…………….
Brilliant.
Now could we have some names of actors who could be approached to act this award winner?
Hey perhaps some of the Gensna cast…..
Don’t forget Tony Zarb for his two-word cameo.
Holy crap would earn them something extra for Angelik’s awrofakkS intake. It’s a win-win situation – the more awrofakkS goes in, the more crap comes out.
Otherwise, I love the way he’s placed his cuddly feet, matching his baby belly… kootchi-kootchi-kooo… ibdillu n-nappy, Daphne. It’s your turn. U kun bil-ghaqal.
[Daphne – The position of his feet is supposed to mimic that of somebody who has been crucified, not a baby.]
Yes, Daphne, that’s clear enough. But does he stay in that posiiton when you change his nappies?
How is it that you forgot the doctor with long hair (and the usual sunglasses), taking notes?” Il-pressjoni zdiedet , harget demgha, hoss kbir …………intiena pesta!”
How about an MP sliding a bed pan underneath the poor guy?
Dave Allen stuff , I would say.
Daphne. You owe me an apology for this. I have embarassed myself with laughing too much.
A really good one with various references to your pet hates Daphne. Pity you didn’t mention Astrid collecting signatures and protesting against these ‘developments’
Wow, Daphne. I’m tempted to commission you to write a play for me, perhaps when I stop laughing!
Shall we ask our friend Angelik to protect us from the vagaries of the Swine Flu pandemic? Maybe he can help there.
Hopefully, Angelik hasn’t discovered this one yet …
“Earlier, the hijackers had boarded the chopper pretending to be tourists, before seizing control and directing the pilots to Domenjod prison, where it landed in the exercise yard and took on the escapees.
“One of them put a gun to my temple while another threatened to set fire to a bottle of petrol he had in his hand with a cigarette lighter,” the pilot told local broadcaster Antenne Reunion.
Mr Verbard, 27, was the guru of the self-styled Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, a cult with no connection to mainstream Catholic institutions, on the island of Reunion.
He escaped along with two followers, the father and son duo Alexin Jismy and Fabrice Michel, who were jailed for their part in the kidnap of a boy, 12-year-old Alexandre, whom Mr Verbard had decided would be his successor.
He was jailed in February last year for attacks on children aged nine and 13, whose mother was the sect’s treasurer. He was also convicted of Alexandre’s kidnap and is under investigation in another alleged paedophile case.
At the time of his trial, psychiatrist Gerard Toulfayan described Mr Verbard as “an extremely powerful manipulator with great intelligence”. Mr Verbard launched his cult in 2002 after convincing scores of followers that the Virgin Mary appeared to him every month. Adepts paid €20 each for the honour of taking part in an appearance ceremony.
According to Mr Verbard, Mary called him her “Lily of Love”.
Authorities attempted to dismantle the sect after it was implicated in the kidnap of 12-year-old Alexandre, a boy that Mr Verbard claimed was destined to become his successor at the head of the group.”
http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20090428/world-news/child-rapist-cult-leader-escapes-from-french-jail-in-helicopter
The moment Angelik saw the light and the forces of gravity were defeated.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs3m-XyKAgs
How obscene can you be?
[Daphne – Oh, that’s nothing.]
aw din tajba gaht turizmu ta!
issa nibdew naghmlu ir-riklami barra minn Malta biex jaraw il-madonna; free of charge.
Lol qieghed sew dan.
leonard,
Great clip – now THAT’S entertainment.
Chris Griffin has seen the Madonna as well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBuHPqy0G8U
How sad to see adults being taken for this ride. It is patently clear to anyone with a modicum of rationality and common sense that this charade is being orchestrated and choreographed by Ms Caruana.
She must have been overwhelmed by how easily her not-so-elaborate pranks have succeeded in hoodwinking such a large audience. She now has to come up with new crowd-pullers every few months, such as the transition from blood-weeping, to oil dripping, and more recently, the famous salt fountain.
Watching the associated Xarabank episode I pitied poor Dr Abela Medici who tried to put forward logical arguments and explanations only to find a solid wall of ignorance, apathy, and gullibility.
Ms Caruana’s frustration at this time must be the slow transition of this affront to religion and decency into a money-making venture like Medjugorje. However, I think the first signs of this intent came out very subtly during one of the rants by the psycho (truncation intended) who is “investigating” the case. In the programme he says that he is doing this in his own time and to do an investigation of this nature would cost around Euro 50,000. How come he was prepared with such an accurate figure? Was this a slip exposing a plan to start some sort of money collection effort towards this “investigation”?
The archbishop’s curia should come out in an unequivocal manner and state that the church wants no part of this carnival. The presence of nuns, priests, etc. at these cult-like gatherings is only giving credibility to what is either a massive and cruel fraud or an untreated mental illness.
Sadly many people who will be attending these meetings will be vulnerable, possibly coming with hopes of cure from some disease or other personal affliction, and we can only imagine the disappointment and sense of hopelessness that will ensue when this is all uncovered as an evil scam. For this reason alone, the church and lay authorities should act responsibly and stop it now before more people get hurt.
Peppi’s show did not help too much as the journalistic approach was very weak and basically just gave Ms Caruana some free publicity. May Our Lady inspire someone to do some real no-holds-barred investigative scientific journalism in order to stop this tragicomedy.
Poor people who were in that room. I feel sorry for them.
Mockers:…Hell awaits!