New Labour, new men – spare me
Actually, it isn't Vince Farrugia's head we had in mind
Exactly what sort of men is the Labour Party attracting these days? Here’s a description hot from the bungling laptop of Maltastar ‘blogger’ Sander Agius, who describes his experience of how men get ready for the summer.
“The next step would be what I call ‘the shaving part.’ Every respectable Johnny Bravo tends to visit his nearest beauty salon to get waxed. It is a really painful moment. You notice these guys going early in the morning not to get noticed. Once they get safely and unnoticed to the clinic they start exterminating their body hair. They remove it from their back, their chest, their legs, that small little channel between the eyebrows. There are also those brave ones who shaving Mr. P and his two colleagues Big B and Small B. Once that is sorted then the next step are some good clothes and a nice haircut. In my case the last one is not needed since my hair seems to vanish in the haze.”
So let me see whether I’ve got this straight. Malta is a country in which many bald men in public life consider it acceptable to wear a wig and where, if women laugh at this, other men, who don’t wear wigs, rush forth to defend their wig-wearing fellow men. Malta is also a country in which apparently straight men have the hair removed from their back, chest, legs and groin. Their groin? Their groin?
My conclusion is that Maltese men are very confused about hair. They stick false hair on places where it’s OK to be bald, then strip off their pubes. I just don’t get it. Wait until they find out that there are such things as pubic wigs, called merkins. They also double up as a nice goatee.
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God. He might as well be writing in a foreign language for all I understood of his last couple of posts.
This is crazy!
He should try to fix to his scalp with what he shaves off his nether parts. If it works he should suggest the idea to his boss/es.
[Daphne – The thing is that they WAX it off.]
I really don’t believe that’s possible. At least not in certain areas where the skin is erm… loose!
Actually, Sander’s grammar seems to have magically improved and his lexical repertoire has suddenly expanded impressively. More importantly, his writing has become mildly entertaining too. BTW, was it not president G.W.Bush who frequently boasted how proud he is to be ‘a merkin’? With a name like that, one would have thought a merkin was the last thing he needed!
Not sure why you are surprised, Daphne. Young men are shaving their balls and their pubes. This is happening everywhere, not just in Malta. Started off in the gay community, but now metrosexuals have joined the trend… To be honest I tried it once, I itched for three days… Now I trim!! :)
[Daphne – The trend actually comes from pornography, as it does with women. I was reading about this the other day, in some London broadsheet or other. Young men are now so heavily influenced by pornography – which is usually their first sexual encounter – that they think even ‘real’ women are supposed to have no pubic hair whatsoever. Porn women are pube-less not to make them seem pre-pubescent, as is commonly believed, but for a much more practical reason: so that the camera can catch all the action without that bearded disguise, so to speak. The net result is that when these young men see their first ‘real’ woman, they can’t come to terms with the hair. And so the girls feel pressured into removing it, which is as hellishly uncomfortable as you discovered it is for men. But here’s another secret from my men’s advice column: men without pubic hair and with waxed legs are as big a turn-off to women as men in wigs. The ultimate turn-off, of course, would be a man with a waxed groin, waxed legs and a waxed chest, wearing a wig on his head.]
The ultimate turn-off: a plucked chicken with a wig! Brilliant! I love your men’s advice column.
@Sufless – Metrosexuals, huh! I’m glad I was not born later. You look like confused, shaven poodles, the whole lot of you, er… metrosectuals.
A girl may feel “pressured” into removing pubic hair. But I think that most women remove it just like they remove underarm hair, in order to feel clean. I imagine waxing would be terrible but shaving is equally efficient and with women’s shavers and satin shaving foams the result is quite similar.
[Daphne – Clean?! Most women remove underarm hair only when they begin wearing short sleeves and going to be beach in summer. It has to do with aesthetics, not cleanliness. I don’t know what men imagine, but the average woman in her natural state does not have a great big tangled mane in her arm-pits, just a few hairs. And until very recently, women didn’t shave or wax their entire groin, either to feel clean or for aesthetic reasons. We just whipped out the Gillette and removed the bits that showed when wearing a bikini, and the more hairy Mediterranean types got what’s called a ‘bikini wax’, hence the term, because you actually kept your bikini pants on and the beautician worked around them. What exactly are we discussing here?]
If they’re turned off, you could always say you’re a triathlete or a cyclist. They also shave their legs you know. Of course then you would also need the physique to pull off the scam. The best way is not to shave but to actually PASTE 500 euro notes all over your body, using Araldite (for water resistance).
We are discussing the removal of unnecessary body hair. Surely aesthetically it is better, but it also definitely feels cleaner without the hair, especially the armpits, even in winter. More so for people who find armpits, hair or no hair, offensive. So, what’s there to be confused about, why the exclamation mark?
WHat Labour has to do with all this? Spare me from these nonesence Daph! There is so much to talk about…. Such as The scandalous admission from the goverment that they are not able to guarantee that all the electoral list are actually entitled to vote.!!!! Or that is not relevant for you?
[Daphne – No, it isn’t. And apparently it is relevant to the Labour Party, either, which reckons the votes of those who don’t vote, as with the referendum result.]
Why is Labour so obsessed with whether Maltese citizens are entitled to vote when it is in favour of giving voting rights to immigrants?
That’s twisting things around. PL is not the European Socialist party and I believe the PL MEPs voted against it.
Graham Crocker,
You are right, I should have said Joseph Muscat (when he was still an MEP)
I think this line deserves special attention:
“You notice these guys going early in the morning not to get noticed.”
Er… but if they go in the morning not to get noticed then how come they keep getting noticed?
…of merkins and mercy humps…
I remember being at Gnejna Bay, out on a hike with my school mates, having accidentally walked on to the site whilst Anthony Newley’s troupe was filming:
“Can Heronymus Merkin Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?”
This must have been springtime 1967/1968. (so Daphne may have still been wriggling her butt in a nappy).
The police, riveted into not missing the nude scenes, tried to fend us off but could not contend with our hormones, or theirs.
The film was released in 1969.
This was scandal time. The first Catholic Church and public outcry I remember.
The Borg Olivier government had allowed Newley’s X-Rated film to be shot in part at r-Ramla l-Hamra in Gozo, and had approved the temporary removal of a statue from the beach.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064123/
And for all you folks questioning our “accidental” intrusion onto the film set…
“…Jien niftakar lill-genituri tieghi jghidu li meta kienu tfal kienu jmorru r-Ramla l-Hamra, Ghawdex biex jaraw lil Joan Collins li kienet qed tahdem film hemmhekk…”
http://www.justynecaruana.com/Parlament/Parlament03-07/Cinematografija.htm
Furthermore, exactly how early in the morning do these beauty salons open anyway? Do they specifically open at 5 a.m. to cater for men who are embarrassed? And where exactly is Sander Agius at this time? Has he rented a flat across the street to spy on the comings and goings at the beauty salon? The whole thing seems very dubious to me.
Way more information than I needed …
Jaqq, jaqq, jaaaaaaqqqqq is all I can say.
Is it possible that people have nothing better to talk about? Now we’re discussing different types of hair and different ways to handle it!
Viva l-Bayzu !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr3sBks5o_8
This exchange of views ”could” get interesting, and funny if we were allowed a few witty jokes about pussycats……..but we might scandalise the likes of MB :)
Tony, il lupo perde il pelo ma non il vizio.
I could go into the merits of a shaved pubic area but I think the discussion might be difficult to swallow…
I understand, David. The financial crisis has hit us all very hard. Are you also moonlighting as a porn actor?
Hey HP…. that was great. But my chances as a porn star definitely outweigh yours as a stand-up comedian!
…with her hair in place…from Down Under
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1172810/The-yoga-supergran-bend-backwards-age-83.html
I guess Maoni Vi (9th one down) needs to get in touch with Sander’s beautician!
http://www.geocities.com/mikey_wbt/ugh/world_records.html
for goodness sake, watch tvm, and if you thought you were skeptical, now you know……..