Damn our reputation as hideous dwarfs
Nicky Haslam - The men looked like Maltese landlords. Stocky little things.
How I long for the day when a new breed of Maltese man goes forth and conquers the popular misconception that the sons of these islands are all unaesthetic midgets, and with the personality of Shylock to boot.
Yes, I know it has the hard ring of truth about it, but we’ve got to have some pride, haven’t we?
The Maltese immigrants of the post-war period in London have given our menfolk so much bad press that it seems to be permanent and to have obscured the tall, good-looking corporate brilliance of at least four Maltese men who have been profiled in the business sections of two London broadsheets over the last couple of years.
I won’t bother mentioning the half-Maltese Sir Cameron Mackintosh because, as luck would have it, he fits the physical lampoon Maltese stereotype to a T. Not only is this scintillating man short, dark and stocky, but he’s short and stocky even by Maltese standards, which is saying something.
But here’s the thing – because nobody in Britain knows that his mummy is from Malta, and because his name is so spectacularly Scottish, his physical characteristics are overlooked as just one of those genetic peculiarities that sometimes crop up among the British. Had he a Maltese father instead of a Maltese mother, with the surname to match (in this case, Tonna), the Maltese ponce and Maltese dwarf barbs would have been relentless.
Whenever I come across a reference to a Maltese person in British literature or biography, it’s invariably to men and invariably negative.
From The Long Firm (both the novel and the film): “What are you wearing? You look like a Maltese ponce.” This from an East End Jewish gangster, arms runner and murderer, if you please.
“I avoided the bad bars, the bars run by the Maltese,” – Fay Weldon in her autobiography, describing how the husband of her youth – a pervert many years older than she – used to get a thrill out of making her work the Soho scene at night.
Britain is jam-packed with super-successful people who are either Maltese or part-Maltese, but their ethnic heritage is rarely mentioned when they are profiled (perhaps because they hide it themselves).
On the other hand, when the Maltese roots of successful British people carry negative connotations, they are paraded all over town, as with the novelist Andrea Ashworth, born in Manchester to a Maltese immigrant father, who shot to stardom with her autobiographical novel Once in a House on Fire, about growing up in a peripatetic and extremely violent household. She gave many interviews about the racial abuse that she and her sister endured because they are part-Maltese – and again, as happens when the genes decide to play games, she looks more Maltese than the women down the road, despite being half English.
And now the latest, from an interview with society interior designer Nicky Haslam, in the Home section of The Sunday Times this week: “I went to Rio the other day. Hideous dwarfs. They all looked like Princess Margaret in fright wigs. The men were like Maltese landlords. Stocky little things.”
Oh dear.
Of course it doesn’t help that every prime minister this country has had within living memory has been not just short, but unusually so, with the exception of Karmenu Mifsud Bonnici, who is an inch or so above the Maltese average, but who has other attributes which detract from the fact that he is sort of normal-sized. Of course, they have all been lovely in their own way – and here I rule out Dom Mintoff, who is not just a dwarf but a poison dwarf – but to get people to overlook your size on the international stage you must have the obnoxious personality of a Silvio Berlusconi and get them to concentrate on that instead.
We’ve run down Berlusconi terribly for his constant parading of luscious beauties in politics and by his side on the stage, but you can’t deny that it’s a brilliant PR tactic. Now the whole world thinks that all Italian women are gorgeous leggy beauties with hair of silk, ruby pouts and the figure of Jessica Rabbit, when we in Malta know the truth: that Italian women tend to be plain Janes with small eyes and bad figures, who know how to dress well.
I think the prime minister has to take a leaf out of Berlusco’s book, and begin touring with an entourage of beautiful young men, to save the reputation of this country.
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I urge you to say something about this ridiculous TV advert, which I was quite disappointed with:
http://www.mep2009.com/tal-partit-laburista-ma-jiddefendukx
Besides use of fearmongering about immigrants and detainees of Guantanamo (with really patronising footage to go with it), it tries to brainwash the viewer that they do not agree with things like abortion, euthanasia and stem-cell research – which it calls “esperimenti fuq trabi qabel ma jitwieldu, li hafna drabi jirrizulta fil-mewt taghhom” – or something retarded like that.
It reminded me of that timeless speech by Tonio Borg about how ridiculous it would be to accept something like gay marriage – as if this is a given and everyone agrees with him.
I must say (and not in an elvish way), it might have just convinced me to vote Labour, or at least, not to vote at all.
When PN starts talking about its special values it really does nothing to attract the liberal vote – which it needs more than ever.
Liberals are floating voters. Not because (as you often imply) they do not have values. But because their values are not represented by any party – so they have to make do with what they have and choose the lesser of two evils.
But when Fr. Gonzi and his colleagues start talking about values – it reminds the liberals that one party represents liberal values much less than the other!
[Daphne – I happen to agree with you completely about this. In fact, I have registered my wholehearted disapproval already, and explained how and why it is wrong and how and why it will backfire completely. I also pointed out that when you’re the political party with all the positive messages to sell, you can leave this kind of right-wing claptrap and fearmongering to Labour, who have no selling-points at all when it comes to Europe. The sooner this rubbish is taken off the air and binned, the better for all concerned. For a start, it undermines the prime minister’s own message and way of thinking: that even illegal immigrants are human beings who should be treated with dignity and respect. And when you bend the facts, they have a nasty habit of rebounding on the bender: you and I both know that the vote for immigrants was for legal immigrants only, and not for illegals who come in on boats. Maltese migrants voted in the UK, didn’t they? You have no idea how angry I am at this advert: it’s like something put out by the far-right political movement in Switzerland, with black hands grabbing at Swiss passports. It looks like all the parties are competing for the Far Right badge of honour on these issues.]
Like you, Charlie, I get the impression that this clip is going out of its way to try to persuade me to vote Labour.
Maybe the PR person behind the advert has Labour roots …
Or maybe this is the true essence of the Nationalist ideology oozing out. To talk so bluntly about stem cell research, immigrants, and other several issues of ethics show how hollow the party is at its roots.
I would expect something so ignorant to be made by an enthusiastic supporter of the party, but not to be commissioned by the party itself.
I am not too happy with the PN campaign – all this emphasis on xoghol when we are in the middle of a recession with all the uncertainty it brings about – talking about jobs when everyone is anxious about their job is counterproductive to me. And this video, I agree is populist extreme right propaganda. Obviously migration is an issue and the achievements of the PN (particularly those of Simon Busuttil and Richard Cachia Caruana and his team in Brussels) should be spelled out but not in this xenophobic way, this is a Danish People’s Party spot not one I identify with the PN and the values which it upholds – it is offensive and misleading. The PN had the high moral ground on the issue as it took a strong stand on migration while at the same repecting the human dignity of the migrants. Following this video it is unfortunately hypocritical for the PN to accuse Muscat of being populist with his ‘sporadic veto’ threat.
I received a link to that video via email. It’s totally patronising and assuming about my views. I sent a heavy-worded reply to the sender, which I anyway do not know. I guess I somehow ended up on a mailing list used for propaganda (brainwashing). When I’m treated like an kid, I act like a kid – and I do the opposite of what they try and make me do. Simple.
I know exactly what you mean.
The only thing that would make me go out to vote on June 6th would be the prospect of having the likes of Bedingfield, Attard Montalto, Ellul Bonici and the rest of the Motley line-up living off something they were against in the first place.
(Not that there’s much choice in the Nationalist line-up, mind you – except, possibly, Frank Portelli and one or two more.)
Charlie
“I must say (and not in an elvish way), it might have just convinced me to vote Labour, or at least, not to vote at all.”
You should go all the way and vote Labour since you obviously agree with their 20 points. Voting Labour is stupid but better than sitting on the fence.
A vote for Labour is a vote for Labour, whether it’s elvish or not.
If I post this beneath the appropriate Chiara piece, you might miss it – we thought were bad.
http://www.civil.ge/eng/article.php?id=20928
Hilarious! This abandoned US puppet is desperate for a fight and all he’s left with is a song contest held in Moscow. Where are your killing tanks Saaks? Time to move on Moscow this time.
“I think the prime minister has to take a leaf out of Berlusco’s book, and begin touring with an entourage of beautiful young men, to save the reputation of this country”
Oh, Daph! So that would rule out our whole line-up of MPs, plus Vince Farrugia, Glenn Bedingfield, Charlon Gouder … Incidentally – What’s become of him?
[Daphne – He’s now a very important cheese in the Labour Party. Best not to remind him of That Video then.]
This one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsK_1yuFRsI ?
This is not such a happy advert. It’s a bit extreme in my opinion, and smacks of a kind of desperation that is difficult to justify. But the truths it elucidates are disquieting. IF the MLP MEP’s have such a poor record of consistency, then the video’s underlying message is correct. The left hand does not know what the right hand is doing. But like you I am angry at this video. It reminds me of the 1996 election campaign. And it flies in the face of the PM’s way of thinking. It could have been done in a better way.
Yes, it could have been done in a better way. Maybe they should think twice before entrusting such videos to whoever was responsible for this particular one.
@charlie et al
Why is anyone surprised at such an advert? The Nationalists have been hiding their true colours for a long time, but seems like the time has come for their true form and shape to appear. But do not complain now. You have elected them to government time and again. Enjoy it.
[Daphne – Actually, the point being made here, Albert, is that these are not the party’s true colours and that the Nationalist Party should not be putting on the clothes of the desperate-for-an-issue-on-Europe, xenophobic Labour Party. The last time I looked, it was Labour and its supporters who were xenophobic, ultra-conservative and feared change. It is precisely because this video DOES NOT reflect the views of PN supporters, except those blinkered by religion, that we have reacted so negatively towards it. I think, however, that this video would have been enormously successful with the kind of people who throng Valletta to listen to Toni Abela read out joke letters from Barack Obama.]
Albert, the Nationalists have been elected to government time and again not because of these issues, but in spite of them.
you and I both know that the vote for immigrants was for legal immigrants only, and not for illegals who come in on boats.
I’m sorry but anyone who’s been given refugee or humanitarian status is legally resident in Malta irrespective of whether they entered the country legally or not. The Maltese may continue to think of these people as “illegal immigrants” and “klandestini”; their own Refugees Act says otherwise and the proposal clearly refers to them.
[Daphne – That’s what I meant. I’m sorry I wasn’t more specific – not like me.]
On the other hand it’s local elections we’re talking about. Referring to the knife-edge outcomes of general elections is irrelevant. And, in that regard, I think it is worthy of consideration. It can only help in integration and in cultivating a civic spirit in the community. Of course it will not happen. And it’s not because it will effect the outcome of any election but because our politicians don’t want to be seen like they’re conceding *anything* to refugees and those on humanitarian protection.
Finally, since when did “illegal” become a noun in addition to being an adjective?
[Daphne – It’s slang.]
Calli l-lik, one-time King of Soho (who I knew, and as his name indicates) was the epitome of the vertically challenged Maltese (Gozitan in fact) Adonis. His notoriety must surely make him the source of inspiration for many of these British writers.
Make that shifty Maltese dwarfs. AA Gill, Sunday Times, Style, 19th April 2009 ‘ The naming of fish is a nightmare.They have more aliases than Maltese pimps ‘
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/food_and_drink/eating_out/a_a_gill/article6090607.ece
Running an ad hoc taxi service taking and bringing my son home from exams, I think I can safely write that the time of the Maltese dwarf is well and truly over. Some (a lot actually) of these kids are taller than me (6 feet in my socks) at the age of 16, and they still have another five years of growth.
[Daphne – Yes, I’d noticed that myself. I must say I’m very envious of the current crop of girls, with so much choice which they don’t need (because the girls remain small). I spent my teenage years in flat shoes, and even then the choice was limited – and I’m only 5’7″. It’s all linked to diet. They’ve got better food and much more of it – and that could also be why the girls aren’t growing at the same rate. Most of them are into starving themselves already during their formative years, and not eating meat. Boys, on the other hand, have no such hang-ups and eat like wolves.]
Daphne, I am 5’7″ too and a year older than you. I also spent my teenage years in flat shoes and hunching my shoulders to try and look shorter because I felt like a freak, being taller than all the girls and boys around me. To make matters worse, I was also very skinny which was not at all fashionable at that time – God I still hate the word ‘maghluba’ ! Now that I can finally stand tall and I have ‘filled out’ in the right places, I am way past my teenage years and do not have the need ‘to belong’ anymore. Talk about being at the wrong place at the wrong time !
Actually Daphne, I think that atrocious video does represent the PN. It’s sad, but true. They’ve just never made this part of them so blatantly obvious.
They DO like to lump complex issues like stem cell research, abortion and euthanasia in the same pot and then kindly remind us that they’re perfectly sure we agree with them.
They DO like to twist facts (like with the voting for immigrants issue) and make out as if they are here to save us from what duped PN fans now believe to be a problem.
They DO like to play dirty in elections and mudsling (so do PL, but they haven’t made a video. Yet.)
To be honest, apart from AD, I’m not sure if I can find even one decent candidate from amongst the PL and PN jokers.
[Daphne – Good thing you’ve got Arnold Cassola then. He’s not a joker.]
I wouldn’t call this a reputation I would call it perception. I only have one stocky 5′ 7″ cousin the others maybe 25 are around 6 feet tall or more. I happen to be also an exam taxi driver , but I notice a lot of fat short girls eating pizzas and drinking Coke. And yes the boys are tall.
A friend of a friend asked me to reply to this article !
Daphne ,
Im a Maltese landlord in Soho aged 33 living in a Mintoffian timewarp (i guess that makes me Postmodern) I look nothing like a Nanu nor does my Father who was funny enough a landlord during the early 60’s in Soho & there would be nothing wrong if we looked like Nanu’s. Give me your email and i’d gladly send you a picture of myself to prove this . .
Sahha
L
Just for the record I bumped into Haslam in Lower Sloane Street near his shop, and put it to him that not every Soho Malti looked liked Angelo Muscat from the Prisoner. He laughed, thought about telling me where to go, then paused and agreed with me by saying “Well, you have a stylish swagger and slick dress sense which now is all but dying out in Soho ”
In 1950s/1960s Soho, Maltese gangsters/landlords/pimps walked with a swagger, looked sharp and turned heads. Ah, they had a name for the exhilarating feeling of wearing something stylish or sharp – they called it Zanzi.
That’s Soho Malti talk ‘Zanzi ‘.
Took me year but I set him straight – oh yes