Quick, give Astrid some limelight
Oh my god, I thought this was Robert Musumeci.
That Astrid Vella can’t bear to be out of the limelight when other people are in it. She has to get right into that arena to claim some space for herself. ‘Look at me! I’m here too!’
Tony Zarb drags his imqaret-eating protestors down Republic Street to the Palace and a light-bulb goes off in Mrs Vella’s head. ‘Ding! Everybody’s looking at Tony. I want them to look at me, too.’
Magistrate Scerri Herrera has the police prosecute me for defaming her (it turns out that she doesn’t look like the back of a bus, after all; she’s not middle-aged, she’s not a bitch or an old sow, and she doesn’t use cocaine – but all that stuff about cheating, lying and running around with policemen is just dandy) and another light-bulb goes off in Mrs Vella’s head.
‘I’ll sue her, too! Everyone’s looking at Daphne and the magistrate and I can’t stand it. Yoohoo! I’m here! Look at me!’
Then I find a court usher at my gate bearing the equivalent of an enquiry report into the Exxon oil disaster, with words like ‘pixxikalda’ underlined in prissy pencil (you can just see her, burning the midnight oil and sharpening it). What can I say? At least she didn’t use the police and had the decency to pay for the thing herself.
What Tony Zarb can do, Astrid Vella can do better. He gets the imqaret-eaters (love them) and she gets the bridge-players (love them also), the water-colour painters en plein air (ditto) and the Tigne Beach whiners (spare me, please). That demo is going to be the social profile equivalent of London’s anti-fox-hunting-ban rallies, except without the Barbour jackets and the Hunter wellies, which my American spell-check, embarrassingly, insists on changing to willies.
There won’t be any hunter willies at Astrid’s demo this Saturday, that’s for sure. It’s on Saturday because nice people from Sliema have long family lunches on Sunday and then play bridge or go to the Marsa Club, whereas Saturdays are for chores. But there’ll be plenty of anti-hunter willies because she’s brought in Birdlife to bolster her numbers. Why Birdlife should get involved in whether Valletta gets its Piano project or not is beyond me to understand, but then perhaps the birdmen have been harried into it by the one thing that men hate most in the whole world: the sound of a woman’s shrill voice going on and on and on and endlessly on. They’ll do anything to stop it. ‘Yes, Astrid; no, Astrid; of course, Astrid; whatever you say, Astrid. We’ll definitely be there on Saturday, Astrid, though it’s a damn shame there are no seagulls in Valletta to make it relevant.’
Something tells me that Mrs Vella had better brace herself for a polite but definite stand-off with Din l-Art Helwa, which is now headed by a tough but calm (and above all, clear-thinking) woman. Women tend not to buckle under when they hear the sound of another woman’s shrill whining at the other end of persistent, 10-times-a-day telephone calls. It has the opposite effect of making us want to ward this sort of person off, with or without a large stick.
It was quite obvious from the start that Astrid Vella was going to have to be dealt with by another woman. Men can’t handle the situation properly because it makes them feel like the Big Bad Wolf coming down hard on Little Red Riding Hood. Women, on the other hand, just want to bring out the fly-swatter and some Raid.
So it’s happened that Mrs Vella has been unable to bully Din l-Art Helwa into taking part in her Saturday march with those stupid, humourless banners that seem to be the only thing that middle-class, middle-aged people from Sliema (I’m one of them) can come up with. ‘The People Have Spoken’. ‘Listen to the People’. ‘No to the Roofless Theatre.’ ‘We Want an Opera House.’ It makes me want to stand in front of them with a humourless but civilised placard of my own: ‘Fornicate off.’
Mrs Vella and her FAA have made a career out of objecting to development, at least. But the very idea that a group of people who specialise in sparrows and eagles believe themselves to be better qualified to decide on an architectural project than the rest of us are – better qualified even than Renzo Piano himself – is enough to make me want to begin preaching to them about the reproductive cycle of hoopoes or the migratory pattern of the golden oriole.
Whatever happened to letting those who are best qualified get on with the job, so that the job gets done?
Astrid Vella is excellent at whipping up public support for her pet campaigns. But that’s not enough. She also has to be able to gauge public opinion and learn when it has shifted permanently or ‘hardened’, as opposed to being in a state of flux.
I don’t have any surveys to hand, but by sniffing the wind I can sense the start of a new popular impatience not so much with the project as with the obstacles that have been thrown in its path to hinder its progress. The wind tells me that Mrs Vella has been left with elves of all stripes and very few of those who have no political axe to grind.
Astrid Vella had better be careful. With Petra Bianchi at the head of Din L-Art Helwa, she’s going to have a struggle on her hands of the kind she just doesn’t understand, one in which her demands are met with polite but firm refusal and no attempt is made to keep her happy and on side so that she won’t be a nagging nuisance.
It doesn’t help Mrs Vella’s case that Dr Bianchi is a woman, which immediately knocks a large hole in Mrs Vella’s status as the female star of the environmental lobby. You’d think that the gender of the players wouldn’t be important, but from the public affairs perspective it is. You can’t have a face-off between a man and a woman, not when the woman is tiny and prissy and talks in a mosquito voice, because it looks like bullying. A face-off between me and a man is fine, say. A face-off between Astrid and a man is not.
I think Astrid Vella has finally found somebody who will stand up to her and charmingly tell her where to put her placards (possibly in her second home in Gozo). And what’s more, I think she’s beginning to understand this.
All in all, it’s been a lousy few days for Mrs Vella, what with Cameron Mackintosh backing the Piano project, Fr Peter Serracino Inglott qualifying his objections to it, and now Din l-Art Helwa refusing to take part in her protest because the rationale that underpins her objections to the project are fundamentally “flawed”. I must say that was a nicely subtle touch of Dr Bianchi’s in using Astrid Vella’s favourite expression against her.
Maybe Tony Zarb can give her a job in crowd control, with or without imqaret as a bonus. That voice can silence a dockyard fitter in a way that no John Bencini can.
This article is published in The Malta Independent today.
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‘the no to everything mentality’ idejjaq lil kulhadd. Jien ghadni nibki li il progett tal- muzew tal kon katidral ta San Gwann, twarrab dejjeb minhabba liskuza li kollox irid imur go palazz jew berga ga ezistenti! spejgazzjoni fierha u bla sens!
Or maybe rather than stealing the limelight from Tony, she wanted attention taken away from Robert Musumeci, as he was getting much more attention than she had initially thrown on him.
What is thie “protest” all about? A roofless theatre? Well, for starters, there is someone who appeared with Astrid Vella on yesterday’s news (a Mallia, possibly) who looks hardly the type to attend theatres at all, so why the fuss? (Apart from the fact that – given his extremely unkempt appearance – a roofless theatre would probably be a blessing for someone who has no choice but to sit next to him during some performance.)
I love the caption, “Oh my god, I thought this was Robert Musumeci.” LOL! Blog on, D!
“I don’t have any surveys to hand, but by sniffing the wind I can sense the start of a new popular impatience not so much with the project as with the obstacles that have been thrown in its path to hinder its progress.”
Ask you darling Dr Gonzi to call a referendum on this project and we see where the numbers are!
Pity that our esteemed journalists in Malta call for a survey on every small issue and for something that important as this project didn’t even bother!
[Daphne – Architecture by popular vote: I don’t think so. Nispiccaw b’xeba balavostri, biebien tal-mehegni, skultura u xi mitt garaxx daqsiex.]
So, Daphne, you are saying that you don’t respect the people’s wishes? What about the general elections? Aren’t votes cast by the same people?
[Daphne – EXACTLY! My god, you’re not exactly trained in argument, are you? Dritt ghal gon-nassa.]
The argument, Daphne, is that it’s useless to try and label this and that as belonging to some form of lower social group (as if we’re in India with its caste system) since both political parties are nowadays made up of all sorts of people.
The sort of ‘game’ being played on this blog is rather foolish since Malta is not the Malta of 1996 if you get my drift.
[Daphne – Both parties have all sorts of people, but each party has a distinct core vote that emerges clearly in surveys. Without what you call ‘labels’, polling and marketing would be impossible. Those labels exist because the distinct socio-economic groups they describe exist too.]
At the very least, Dr. Gonzi is doing something to make the Maltese proud of their capital city with the creative mind of a world-renowned architect.
the people of dresden were given the chance to vote in a referendum when the rebuilding of landmarks such as zwinger palace was opposed by the people!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zwinger
i’m not suggesting that the people should be given options on different alternatives on the project, but if the current proposal is furiously opposed by the majority, at least the people should be consulted if they are for it or not!
we’re not talking about some other stupid project here…we’re talking about a project that highlights the cultural apex of our country!
This sounds suspiciously like Victor Laiviera.
I do hope the Prime Minister will forge ahead with Renzo Piano`s City Gate project – yes including the open air theatre. Who enjoys indoor performances in the Summer months ? Nobody does surely.
It is much more pleasing aesthetically to have a roofless flimsy structure built over the old Opera House ruins and a slender bridge at the entrance to set off the massive bulk of the bastions and the new parliament building. The `gate ` itself resembles the ramparts of a castle.
This endless quibbling and protesting over every new embellishment project undertaken in the capital is really getting on my nerves. `L-ottimo e` nemico del bene ` [ For the benefit of non- Italo- Maltese speakers: The quest for a perfect design which never ever gets off the ground is often at the expense of a sound, doable , practical and artistic project ].
Take St. George`s Square for example. Most residents of Valletta have taken to it as it is provides a functional, spacious , pleasant ambience even though initially they may have had reservations about some aspects of the original design. And many people were initially horrified at the riot of colours of the balconies displayed on the plans for the Valletta Waterfront . Now the colourful balconies and the Waterfront have become one of the best loved features and landmarks of the capital .
It makes so much more sense to have a national Opera House / large auditorium for large scale modern performances built round the Harbour area now that it is being redeveloped so beautifully. I was thrilled to read that the successful theatre impresario Sir Cameron Mackintosh has been commissioned by the Government to draw up a report on the feasibility of turning the Mediterranean Conference Centre into a major theatre and grand Opera House within a two year period .Apparently, the cost for this project would only be 20 percent of that incurred on a comparable new theatre elsewhere in Europe.
I am so glad that the beautifying of our capital city and the Grand Harbour area continues apace in spite of tiresome tantrums thrown by protestors.
Unbeleivable mob rule of the 20th century. Elected representatives of the people are there to decide and take responsibility for their decisions. We can’t move on if for every development or decision there are objections by unqualified people.
You wondererd why BirdLife are in there too. Well they love the limelight as much as Astrid, and like her if there isn’t a cause they will invent one. How else can the funds from abroad keep flowing to support the ever increasing number of employees?
Of course BirdLife are in there too. Someone’s got to take care of the chickens.
Birds of a feather…
Jien niccassa! Allura dan-nies veru m’ ghandhomx x jaghmlu? B`dawn ic-cucati taghha din issa. Isa il-belha. Ahjar iddur dawra madwarha sew u tara x’ qed jigri f’ Malta, forsi tghid kelma ta’ gid, jekk taf.
Hawn certu nies jitfghu il-problemi kollha taht it-tapit, u jivvintaw x’ intopp bazwi ghax dak it-tip ta’ problemi biss ikunu jafu jiffaccjaw. U minghalihom jidhru brillanti.
U mur ghereq, Astrid u hallina kwieti. Ghadek ma ndunajtx li il maggoranza tan-nies jinjorawk? Ridt nghid ukoll ghax ilni u ninsa, jista xi hadd jghidli ghalfejn il-Malta Today, primarjament Saver, ihalli post ghal kummenti tan-nies please? It is hilarious, ghax hadd ma jikkumenta!
joe
Astrid Vella qiesa Censu iz-zatat f’kollox trid tindahal u tifhem f’kollox. Jien kontra l-kacca izda meta nara nies bhal Astrid u tal-Birdlife li taghhom biss tajjeb qieshom huma jmexxuh dal pajjiz, nahseb li wasal iz-zmien li ma nhallux id-demokrazija tibqa tigi abbuzata.
All I can say is that some of my happiest memories of theatre are open air performances on warm summer nights at San Anton Gardens, St Francis Ravelin in Floriana, St Peter’s Ravelin in Mdina and Manoel Island.
An open air theatre in Valletta would be absolutely wonderful.
Those who object do not know how to truly enjoy theatre. They’re a bunch of pseudo-intellectuals who have read An Actor Prepares and spend the entire performance peering critically at the stage and actors instead of suspending disbelief and giving themselves up to the sheer enjoyment of the experience.
Then they spend the rest of the evening boring us to tears with their grousing, just to show us how deep and intellectual they are.
If you want to sleep well tonight Astrid’s on Super One. God, Astrid stop whining!
Reading the remarks of of those in favour or against the proposed open air theatre gives me the impression that almost no-one (who writes about it) is able to see things are they really are.
I am one of those who was favourably impressed by Piano’s proposals, on aesthetic and not technical grounds of course as I do not possess the necessary background to make any judgement.
However I can understand the frustration of performers who find their open-air productions ruined by inclement weather and even worse, as such things are avoidable, by the selfishness of village feast organisers who persist in utilising the infamous ‘bomba’ in their otherwise attractive firework displays. There is no excuse in this day and age to persist in this type of noise pollution
I agree that the decision on the Piano proposal must remain in the hands of those whom we have elected to take such decisions for us, parliament and the government, who hopefully will take the correct decision after listening to those who have the expertise to give useful opinions.
Referendums should be reserved for areas not already forming part of the current government’s electoral programme and where there is doubt on the electorate’s true wishes regarding a matter that will significantly affect the population’s quality of life.
I find the attention-seeking behaviour of individuals and organisations who are clearly out of their element and area of competence childish to say the least.
Ahjar innehhu l-bombi milli nnehhu l-pjan ta’ Piano.
She just said: “It’s useless for the government to bring over super-architects who do not understand local culture” – plus she’s actually trying to ridicule Piano on other issues including fireworks vis-a-vis the open theatre.
un-effing-believable.
Imma kemm hi pixxiplantu? Min qalla li tista titkellem ghalija?