Oh, give us a break: Anthony Zammit says he has "lots of gay friends"
I have lots of gay friends and I'm not embarrassed to be seen with them.
Last Tuesday at a meeting of parliament’s social affairs committee, to which the Malta Gay Rights Movement presented their views, Labour MP and famous surgeon Anthony Zammit said:
“I am happy to say that I have a lot of gay friends, and that I am never ashamed to be seen with them.”
You’d think that with last week’s cautionary tale of David Laws in London – a Greek tragedy of a potentially brilliant government career lying in ruins just as it began, and all to avoid confirming what everyone knew already, that he is homosexual – our own lot would stop this utter nonsense.
The best way for politicians to help the cause of homosexuals when they’re discussing the subject – and when the poster-boys for homosexuality in Malta seem to be nothing but very camp hair-and-fashion queens who press the prejudice switch really hard, with straight men at least – is to acknowledge that this is the way they are themselves.
Here’s some advice, given that matters always seem to take a turn for the ridiculous.
Nobody has to come out and say ‘Hey, I’m gay.’ It’s no one else’s business. I mean that. I have strong feelings about it and I can’t take the bullying that goes on and the pressure for people to ‘admit’ that they’re gay, as though it’s some kind of contagious disease.
You are what you are and if heterosexuals don’t have to declare themselves as such, homosexuals shouldn’t have to either. And everyone else, including other homosexuals trying to force people out of the closet for reasons of their own, shouldn’t expect it.
But there is one big proviso here, and it is this. If you’re in a situation where bringing up the fact that you’re homosexual would be considered unavoidable by rational people – like a discussion about gay rights and civil unions in parliament’s social affairs committee, for instance – then bloody well bring it up. Or stay out of the committee altogether.
For heaven’s sake, do please avoid any potentially compromising and embarrassing behaviour and statements, like the one above, unless you really want people to think you have no spine and are living in self-denial – because you certainly aren’t fooling anyone else.
Even the choice of words is a farce, said completely without irony. What, does Zammit have lots of black friends too, lots of Jewish ones and one-legged working-class lesbians with whom he’s not embarrassed to be seen?
Anthony Zammit doesn’t just have gay friends. He also has a gay brother – the difference being that his brother doesn’t go around pretending to himself and to everyone else. I imagine he’s not ashamed to be seen with him either.
This is beyond words, really. This country, honestly – and the po-faced reporting is just unbelievable.
Anthony Zammit should understand that his behaviour transmits a really powerful covert message which completely contradicts and undermines his overt message.
If being gay is nothing to be ashamed of, then why in god’s name is he ashamed? People will not pick up on his words, no matter how nice and politically correct they are on the matter of gay rights and civil unions. What they will pick up on is his fear and shame. He is not embarrassed to have gay friends or be seen with them, but he is too embarrassed to say that he is gay himself.
Lovely. Fabulous. Either say nothing, Professor Zammit, or just say it all.
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I can only find it amusing that the Red party is ashamed of homosexuality. Will its representatives scream and run away at the mere mention of abortion and divorce? Where?
What a joke.
Spot on.
Also, “Dr Fenech Adami asked the MGRM representatives whether in homosexual couples there were “mother and father roles”. In his and his wife’s experience, Dr Fenech Adami said, when they tried filling each other’s role the results weren’t that good.”
I despair.
The least that can be expected from our elected representatives serving on a Committee of the sort is to do some research, for instance:
http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/parenting-full.pdf
[Daphne – Oh sweet Jesus. Mother’s role and father’s role. What are those, exactly? Daddy is the disciplinarian and mummy hangs out the laundry? I think Beppe Fenech Adami is confusing roles with role models, which are something else altogether and yes, they are crucial – both sexes.]
How does Dr Fenech Adami reconcile the fact that nowadays it’s very feasible for ‘mothers’ to work in an office and ‘fathers’ work from home? or vice versa for that matter…
If only our parliamentarians kept their mouths shut.
Then and only then would they sound brilliant.
Nobody has to come out and say ‘Hey, I’m gay.’ It’s no one else’s business.
Stay out of the pigeonhole, Karl
Published: April 29, 2010 at 5:50pm
Since it was you who informed me that Karl is gay, did you think that it was my business?
[Daphne – Karl is quite happy to inform people himself. I can’t be blamed for your inability to keep up. I suppose you’re now going to tell me that I’m the one who ‘informed you’ that Zammit is homosexual (I think the word gay is ludicrous, incidentally, and really doesn’t help credibility) because you hadn’t yet worked it out for yourself by using your brain.]
If Karl is quite happy to inform people himself, it shows that on that date there was nothing to write about (with regards to PL only, I mean).
And FYI I know that Mr. Zammit is homosexual, but I also know how much a professional and a gentleman he is.
[Daphne – Are you suggesting that the one might conceivably exclude the other?]
Well done Daphne, well done.
Special thanks to Daphne for making other news websites relatively boring to read. Thank God they have audio, video and sport!
[Daphne – One day I’ll get there, but you can forget the sport. Yuk.]
The frist time I read about Karl’s sexuality in the printed/online media was the 25 April:
http://www.maltatoday.com.mt/2010/04/25/t11.html
“Oh Lord, help me keep my mouth shut, until I know what I am talking about.”
If we all followed this advice, there would be a deafening silence on this island.
What about this:
How can I tell you what I think before I’ve heard what I wanted to say?
I would appreciate hearing your opinion about what Mr Edwin Vassallo and Dr Beppe Fenech Adami said. Thank you.
I’m afraid I will have to disagree with you on much of what you have just said. Coming out is a very important and delicate time in a gay person’s life.
There is a lot of research about how important it is, and why it is important, and what can very easily go wrong. There is a lot of importance put on coming out for a very good reason.
I suggest you read up on it seeing as you clearly do not understand it yourself. You do not understand it because it is something you have never had to do. Therefore I wouldn’t talk so knowingly about something you have never experienced yourself.
Coming out is different for everyone. Some people get understanding parents who, like yourself, do not see the wrong in it. With that attitude, they are happy that their child does not feel the need to hide themselves from them.
Most get a very mixed reaction, not just from family but from friends as well. There are also quite a few, however, who get a very hard deal and have to go through a long period of pain before things settle. None of that pain is their fault, but the fault of homophobic parents and friends.
[Daphne – Don’t laugh or dismiss this, but there’s an exemplary storyline in EastEnders right now: the homosexual son of a Muslim Pakistani family in London and how he is torn between what is expected of him, what he wants, how he enters into marriage, how that marriage is destroyed, and how the entire family collapses when his mother can’t accept his homosexuality but his father can. It’s actually pretty good and really close to what happens in Malta – just substitute Muslim for Catholic. I hope a lot of people here in Malta are watching it.]
Coming out is when you confess the biggest secret of your life. Imagine having to lie for so long, about so much, to so many people, and then coming clean. Honesty is difficult in many situations, but never as hard as when it comes to being honest about being gay.
Friends and family can often feel offended that they weren’t told before. A very common reaction is one where the parent feels like they no longer know their child. This is in many ways true since their child has not been able to let their parents know them, something difficult for all parents to accept.
Likewise it is difficult for the child who wants their parents and friends to know them, but have not been able to let that happen. They were never in an environment that allowed it, like school etc… They grew up hearing many things that made them scared of what it is that they felt. I guess straight people don’t understand this.
If someone were to come out to you then that means you are a very close friend and a very important person in their lives (unless that person is out already, in which case you are just being informed.)
Why do gay people need to come out? Simple – as a straight person, you want people to know you are straight, because that is who you are.
No straight person wants to have people think they are gay because that’s not who they are. Put it this way – when a straight man goes to a gay bar they walk in as masculine as ever, order a beer in the most baritone voice they can muster up, and make sure every gay man in that bar knows they are straight.
Why is he doing this? Because he is in an environment where people automatically assume you are gay. Now gay people have to make their sexuality known in the real world for the same reason. They do not want people to automatically assume they are straight.
It’s the same thinking, just the other way round. Straight people do declare their sexuality every day. Your sexuality dictates much of your behavior, from the clothes you wear to the music you listen to and in some cases even the car you drive. Much of one’s choices come from their sexuality because everyone wants to look attractive to the people they want to attract. Let’s also not forget that it’s fun to enjoy your sexuality.
Plus, let’s not kid ourselves, we do not live in a world where being gay is fine with everyone, and if a gay man or woman were to be in a same-sex relationship with someone and not have told their parents or close friends, then the parents or close friends would feel very upset and offended. That s just the reality of it all.
I admire your open-mindedness, but let’s not kid ourselves and act like that’s the only way people react. It isn’t. You have made a lot of sweeping statements that are just not true or are only true to you.
When I heard about David Law I did in some way feel sorry for the man. There he was, still stuck in the rut of believing he had to hide himself from the world, which caused him to break the law, and then had to come out in such a public way, without him having any control over it.
I do not think he should get a less punishment for what he did or anything, but I did feel sorry for the guy, because I have been there.
I know what it is like to want to be straight so much that you pray day in and day out for it to happen. I know what it is like to feel like you need to hang in there and one day it will happen. If there was a pill I could have taken to make me straight I would have taken it.
Then people tell you there is a way round it. You get told that all you need is to find the right woman to sort you out, so you hold out longer. I understand how he must have felt when he was working, when he made the choice to hide his expenses and when he was exposed. They are feelings that no straight person can know.
Therefore it is refreshing to hear politicians talk about homosexuals and say they have friends who are gay and are not ashamed to be seen with them. Many straight men are not like that.
I do, however, question how serious this Labour Party of ours is on the issue. I think that the people who are part of LGBT Labour are only out to promote themselves and do not actually do much to change things. In fact I do not trust them to represent me in any situation anymore. There was a time when they had my trust, a very short time, but they lost it pretty quickly.
That being said, what about the PN? What is their stance on the whole thing? If they are so comfortable with homosexuality then where are the laws to protect homosexuals from homophobia?
If Dr Gonzi is so accepting then where is the legislation to prove it? And where are the discussions? And where is his effort to change mistaken ideas about homosexuality in Malta? Nowhere.
Many people think that it is because if they talk about it then they realize that something is wrong in Malta, they challenge people’s narrow-mindedness who then think that they are being oppressed because their religions or fascist ideals are not being made law anymore, and then they will lose votes. However I disagree.
I think it is because they do not believe in the cause themselves. They don’t want it to exist because it s not their battle. It is not their fight. It is not their problem. They don’t want the Gay Rights Movement to have any effect in Malta because it is not their movement. I’m not talking about it not being their idea. It’s just not a battle they want to fight, nor do they want other people to fight, because it will mean talking about sexuality.
Many people think that there is something childish about Gay Rights. They feel like it is about a group of boys who can’t throw a ball properly and get teased and called “girls” because of it and are now asking for rights. Sure, if you look at it that way it sounds stupid. But that is not what the Gay Rights Movement is about.
We are not talking about being teased or simple play-ground bullying. We are talking about not being ignored by society, being allowed to live like everyone else does (no, we are not given the option because we can t get married) and being in a country that protects people from homophobes so that our rights will never be threatened.
There is a big difference between that and being teased as a child. If a gay teen gets kicked out of his home, is he being childish? If a gay person gets beaten up almost to death are they being childish? If a gay person sits in a classroom and hears a priest tell the whole class that gay people are mentally sick, is that gay student being childish? If so, then what does that make the parents, thugs and priest in those situations?
Little does the PN know that they are the ones the Gay Rights movement are fighting against at the moment. Little do they know that the only reason why their tactic of ignoring it all, or infantilizing it, is working is because they have not actually engaged in the issue.
They go around saying there are open-minded, and many may well be, but when the day comes when they finally do engage in the issue of Gay Rights, then that will be the day we see their true colours, and then we will see how open-minded they are.
Can I ask you what exactly do you mean by “gay rights”. Anti-discrimination laws are already in place in Malta, and to me this is the most the government needs to do. Are you referring to the legal recognition of same-sex couples or the right of adoption of these couples?
If it is the last two I can tell you for the great majority of Maltese these are very sensitive subjects and no political party will risk touching them with a barge pole. This country is not even ready to discuss divorce maturely yet, let alone such “progressive” rights!
So what is the Gay Rights movement “fighting” (your word) against precisely?
Anti-discrimination laws do NOT exist, Mr Vella. What we need to do is align Maltese law to that of countries vastly more advanced than ours, where homophobia is illegal and where minority groups that experienced the brutality of intolerance and prejudice through Nazi concentration camps became groups which the State actively protected.
Fighting for gay rights means fighting against the prejudice of those who put provisos and what they are ready to tolerate. If you think that introducing anti-discrimination laws will appease homosexuals, you have another think coming.
Mr Vella, I am afraid you are wrong on both counts.
First of all we do not have anti-discrimination laws. In fact, we barely have laws that protect people of a different race, let alone different sexuality.
As for laws against homophobia, there are none. And yet racism and homophobia is everywhere.
If an outsider were to hear of this then they might think that Malta is so open-minded and accepting that there was no need for such laws because should you be of a different race or sexuality no one would care or bat an eyelid, and you would be welcomed with open arms, or even thought to be stupid for thinking there would be any situation where one’s sexuality or race would be an issue, and that homophobia and racism were non existent in Malta, that no one ever got targeted in any way, and that implementing such laws would draw an unrealistic picture of such a cosmopolitan society.
Mr Vella, you must be living in a very different country. I am living in a different country and even I can see that such an idealistic view of Malta is a lie. In fact, no outsider would think that of Malta, and instead find it ridiculous that such fundamental laws do not exist in a country that calls itself European. They must think we live in the dark ages, and that is not an unfair opinion to have of Malta, especially when most of it s citizens would agree.
[Daphne – The point is, Edward, that no amount of legislation will change fear and shame. David Laws lives in one of the world’s most liberal societies, and yet he was prepared to risk ruining his political career, losing all that he had worked for long years, because he couldn’t bring himself to admit that he is homosexual. Now he has lost it all – and has had his private life exposed regardless. And Peter Mandelson? Have we forgotten that he kept his sexuality concealed until someone from home spotted him in a gay club in, of all places (because it is really is a small world) Rio?]
Plus, as someone on the timesofmalta.com website comments section once said, we cannot continue to live by laws that do not exist but pretend that they do.
This is obviously a problem because should one be targeted in any way because of their race or sexuality, then they will get justice if and only if they have access to the correct people who understand and are on their side and who will be able to find the proper loop-holes. In other words, their rights will be at the mercy of whoever they can find to help out, and dictated by the social circle they are in. What nonsense!
The protection of one’s rights should be guaranteed by law. It is not actually the case in Malta.
Your assumption that the great majority of the island is against gay marriage and gay adoption is not exactly accurate. The majority who are around 40+ perhaps, but even then there are many liberal minded people who just don’t see what is wrong with it.
Gay marriage and allowing homosexuals to adopt and start a family is something that exists in many developed countries and has proved not to be the dangerous threat most conservatives say it is. With gay people getting married and maintaining relationships no different to their heterosexual counterparts, and with children being raised by gay parents and turning out to be no different than any other child, all the scaremongering tactics used by conservatives to stop such things from happening have been disproved and most people of my generation do not actually support any conservative views.
Being Conservative seems to be too anachronistic for today’s up and coming generation and is pretty much rejected by my peers and age group. Just like a lot of people who go to Church do not support the Church’s stand on homosexuality, so do most of the people in Malta not support the government’s stand on Gay Rights and any anti-racism laws, (ie-ignore it and do nothing because it isn’t really an issue here)
I also think that by saying that the majority of the island is against such liberal ideals is not only a lie but also detrimental to the movement in general. It only makes things harder for the movement seeing as politicians then not only have to overcome their own prejudices but also fear losing votes. This is not true. I am pretty sure they will gain votes. Or at least, lose votes for not wanting a more liberal Malta.
Pretending a problem does not exist means that problem will grow and become worse. Do we need that to happen? Can’t we understand that rights need to be protected? Talking about the problem the way you seem to be doing means that nothing will change, no one will do anything to stop any discriminatory activity, homosexuals will carry on living in a country that does not believe them when they say they put up with a lot, no matter how public the homophobia is, and then we ll all have to face the consequences of it all.
Fighting for rights does not have to mean physical violence. It’s more about a struggle. In other countries the struggle is against people actively opposing them. In Malta it’s a struggle against people who do nothing- which is equally as oppressive, and more of a struggle (and very indicative of Maltese society in my opinion).
You may not see homophobia, but that is because you are not a homosexual or homophobe yourself.
Here’s an anecdote for you. I used to think that law to protect equal rights for Gozitans was a joke. “Gozitans do not get discriminated against surely” I used to say. However one day I made friends with people who were born and raised in Gozo and had moved to Malta. I heard their stories about it once, and guess what – they are not kidding.
As soon as they give a receptionist a Gozitan phone number or make it known that they are from Gozo, very often they get treated in a different way. Now I think that sort of behavior is ridiculous, and no matter how stupid I think it is to discriminate against Gozitans, clearly it is something that does happen, and since people cannot be trusted to not act so stupidly, then there should be laws in place to stop it.
What’s my point? You may not be homophobic. You may think that homophobia is a thing of the past and that to claim it still exists today is stupid. You may also think that there is no need for any more Gay Rights and anti-discrimination laws because you may think that it is drawing too much attention to a problem that does not exist. But it does. It exists everywhere in Malta. Denying that means that you are as oppressive as the conservatives themselves.
The majority of Maltese do not like to pay taxes either.
So shall we abolish taxation?
I agree with most of what Ed says, of course. However, Daphne does have a point. Politicians should come clean and declare their interests. It is unacceptable that somebody like Prof. Zammit talks about gay people like they are handbags.
By saying that he doesn’t feel embarrassed to be seen with gay people he implies that he only seeks their company because they are gay and helps him improve his ‘hip’ image and not because he enjoys their company on a personal or intellectual level.
Surely, if he hangs out with so many gay people then they must have brought up the issue of how depressing and oppressive life in Malta must be for them. What is holding him back from proposing a debate in Parliament about this?
[Daphne – I think you missed the essential point I made: which is that Zammit is gay himself, and that makes his ‘I have gay friends’ remark even more ridiculous than it would have been if made by somebody who is not gay.]
We have Maltese gay MEPs who vote against gay rights, for crying out loud!
I do have sympathy with David Laws to a certain degree. However his personal circumstances are not by any means reflective of the UK gay community. Politicians have a knack at trying to cover up their mistakes.
David Laws did not resign because he was gay. He resigned because his party tried to appear whiter than white before its electorate for the past few months. If he wanted to act in good faith he should have renounced his parliamentary expenses claim, which only profited his partner at the expense of the UK taxpayer.
I don’t see a way out of the lamentable situation facing homosexuals in Malta in the foreseeable future, just as I can’t see any party governing Malta to any agreeable standard.
The reasons for this are complex, and Daphne hints at these throughout her articles. The lowest common denominator of all problems in Malta is the crass ignorance of the population at large. I only have one life and I don’t intend fighting a lost battle. So I left the country just like Ed and hundreds of others did and are doing on weekly basis.
The mass emigration of Maltese nationals to the UK, Australia and Spain seeking better pay and standard of living should worry the government. This phenomenon, for those who aren’t aware of it, is commonly referred to as the Brain Drain (or the Gay Drain when referred to homosexuals).
The government is obviously too intellectually inept to realise the gravity of the situation (which it brought onto itself by pushing for EU membership incidentally). EU membership was the best thing PN ever did for Maltese homosexuals.
[Daphne – I don’t think the brain drain can be solved, Andy. However brilliant conditions might become in Malta, it will remain a tiny place and a claustrophobic one. It is the size, and all the restrictions that come with that, which makes people want to leave. Before EU passports, we had to ‘shrink to fit’. Now young people don’t have to ‘shrink to fit’ as older generations did. They can just go. This is the new Maltese diaspora.]
I did understand your point claiming that Prof. Zammit is gay. I don’t tend to assume statements to be fact unless I can corroborate them through other sources. So I declined making any comment on his presumed homosexuality.
Should it be true, however, it would make him a very sad individual who is probably trying to stave off gossip by trying to appear as an open-minded person, rather than conceited and insecure.
[Daphne – Take it from me. It’s true. We’re from the same Sliema neighbourhood. I grew up surrounded by his extended family of cousins.]
I agree that Malta’s size and location is a huge problem. Let us not forget, however, that the government offers free tertiary education (albeit very poor by international standards) and pays students stipends/maintenance grants even though most live with their parents.
If a large proportion of medical doctors, teachers, architects, engineers and IT specialists leave the island on receipt of their degree certificate, I think the policy objectives of Government have failed.
There is an economic, social and cultural cost to the brain drain phenomenon. I don’t expect nor want the Government to curtail or restrict Freedom of Movement. It should, however, actively seek to encourage the best brains to stay and foreign brains to move to Malta. Where are Malta’s R&D budget allocations for instance?
Why should I pay tax in Malta when I get poor value for my money in terms of public services? Worse still, why should I pay tax in Malta when my rights are not guaranteed?
You are not correct when you say that anti-discrimination rules do not exist in Malta.
http://www.non-discrimination.net/en/countries/Malta?jsEnabled=1
There may be a case for strengthening the existing legislation and there are efforts in this area supported by government.
http://www.mosaic.gov.mt/home?l=1
So I feel it is unfair that you make it sound as if the government of Malta has failed in its duty and that it is resisting change in the area of discrimination.
I will not dispute however that the mentality of your average Maltese is ultra-conservative and homophobic, and that it will take more than legislation to change it.
I refer you to this article:
http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20100525/local/malta-ranked-low-in-gay-rights
I think it speaks for itself.
Mr Vella, I fail to understand you. You admit that there is a problem with homophobia. So much so that you believe no amount of legislation will change it. You too, Daphne, seem to think that just because there are laws protecting the rights of gay people it won’t change people’s mentalities, nor change the fear and shame that gay people suffer from when still in the closet.
Actually, that is all wrong.
Passing laws that prohibit homophobia will make all gay people feel safer. Plus, it will send a strong message to any conservative homophobe that they really cannot act on their discriminatory attitude.
[Daphne – I honestly don’t think that it’s fear of discrimination or homophobia that stops people coming out as gay. I think it’s an internalised fear and shame, and also that the main problem is with the family – particularly the parents. Think of the number of gay men you probably know (I certainly know a few) who are ‘privately out’ to friends, but whose main fear is not upsetting their mother by letting her find out? Am I right in thinking that the mother tends to be the main obstacle in many cases? With parents, the anger and upset isn’t necessarily down to shame, embarrassment and morality. It’s actually more primeval than that: the final confirmation that there will be no grandchildren there, the worry that their son/daughter will not have ‘a settled life’, and all of that.]
If homosexuality was no longer demonised, and if schools, during PSE actually had a lesson about homosexuality, where the latest research will show any gay student that they were born that way and that it is in their DNA and perfectly normal, then there would not be less gay teens who grow up to be adults ashamed of themselves.
The difference does not have to be that no homophobes exist. But rather that those who are gay can feel safe. That is the difference needed. Legislation CAN do that.
[Daphne – Well, I really don’t know. Honestly, I don’t. All I can say is that legislation didn’t change much for women in Malta. It made our legal position the same as that of men, yes. But it sure as hell hasn’t done much to change attitudes.]
I read those last comments of yours with great interest.
During my training at drama school in the UK we worked on a little thing called “forum theatre”. Founded by Augusto Boal, it is a theatrical piece totally improvised by the company. The actors act out a scene in which someone is being oppressed. Then the audience are invited to try and break the oppression and sort things out.
The scene is run again and when someone feels like it the audience member can jump up and take the place of someone on stage ( not the oppressor) and try and solve the problem. To create this piece the group of actors must come up with an oppression. There are only two main rules. First, that the oppressed character does not have any law to back them up, and second, the oppressor must care. You can’t fight an oppressor who does not care because no matter what you say they will just oppress you. And oppression does not exist if the law is there to back you up.
Forum theatre is not my cup of tea. But it certainly underlines a few things that make a lot of sense, and are relevant to this situation.
You say legislation did nothing for women except make them equal to men. The legislation changed the laws but not the mentality. Well guess what. More and more women go to university every year and sexism is now looked down on.
[Daphne – That’s generational change and has little to do with the laws. Among my own generation, I continue to be regarded as deeply unusual (and hence, deeply suspect) and among our parents’ generation, what has changed? Let’s draw a comparison: there has been no change in the law which makes it easier for women to become single mothers. Single-mother benefits have been around for years. But now, 30% of births are to single mothers. What has changed? Not the law, that’s for sure: it’s the attitude which has evolved. There is no longer any shame attached to having a child outside marriage. We have in fact swung to the opposite pole: it has become almost something to be proud of. It’s the same with young women, work and education: whereas in my generation women announced with pride that they didn’t work ‘because my husband doesn’t want me to work and I don’t HAVE TO work’ (so embarrassing, really, and it still happens), a woman in her 20s today would be too ashamed to have that revealed about her, let alone boast about it. Whereas for my generation and older generations the shame was in working – not in my family or among my friends, thank God – among women of your generation the shame is in doing nothing. The real influence, I find, comes from exposure to the outside world. Women of my generation did not understand that their way of thinking had been fossilised from the 1950s – before we were even born, but a hang over from their mothers – but young women today are exposed to multiple international influences and they emulate what they see out there. Another thing that I’ve noticed is that women who are now in their late 40s and early 50s and who used to boast about not working, have been suddenly hit by the awful realisation that life has effectively passed them by and that they’ve done nothing but raise children who have long ceased to need them. I am seeing them work on these doubts, and the emergent allied anger, by going on at their daughters not to end up the same way.]
The change did not happen straight away, but it sure made a difference over time. Plus, should you be discriminated against because of your gender then you have the law to back you up. So no oppression can actually take place. If it does, that person will pay. This must be an empowering thought.
[Daphne – Not at all. The law can in fact do nothing to help. Discrimination because of gender is almost impossible to prove. It happens all the time and yet how many law suits have there been? Besides, discrimination because of gender does not always take place in the realm of work where you are in an employee/employer situation. Men are taken more seriously by other men in every field of work except the obviously ‘female’ ones like beauty care. The men who do this might not even be aware of it – but if you’ve spent your entire life programmed to think of women as mothers and silly sisters and fussy daughters, and if you’ve never learned or been taught how to talk to women except about frivolous subjects or children or flirting, then you’re going to find it extremely uncomfortable talking shop with a woman so you go for a man. The other day I read an interview – written just two years ago – with a 35-year-old woman who runs a large industrial operation with 250 employees. She described how sometimes she detects that clients – who are almost always men – feel unsure about talking to her even though she’s the boss. Then one day one client came right out and said it. After she’d explained everything to him about what had to be done, he blurted out ‘Can I talk to a man, please?’ She said she was so surprised that she actually found it funny. Also, try to assess the sort of vicious criticism I get – would a man be criticised the same way? Not really. Most of that bile is rooted in misogyny, a very antiquated form of misogyny, too – let’s burn the evil witch stuff. The driving emotion appears to be (and some say it outright): who the hell does she think she is?]
It is not the same for gay men and women. Oppression can take place because there is no law to back us up properly. If there were then I would not care what people say because I will still be able to get married, have my kids and be protected. And then over time attitudes will start to change.
Coming out is different for everyone. No one can say what is and what isn’t in any one situation. But you are right about one thing. There is a lot of fear and shame harboured in a gay person before they come out. That shame is a product of living in a homophobic society that does not care about who gets targeted and for what reason.
Legislation would help make gay people feel better better about themselves. In fact, most gay men and women in places like the UK and USA come out much earlier than those in places like Malta.
[Daphne – I think what will really help is a public information campaign. Clever campaigns do much more to change attitudes than any amount of legislation. But quite frankly, in any society where religion exerts a powerful conservative influence on people, and where children are sent to doctrine classes, people who are ‘different’ are always going to have a hard time.]
Countries like the UK and USA and France may be very open-minded today, but they were not always like that. It took a lot for them to get where they are today. But things changed. The laws changed. And with them, slowly but surely, the people of those countries changed.
The problem is though that our politicians do not care.
[Daphne – Elected politicians are ALWAYS a reflection of the people who vote them in, Edward. Don’t forget that they represent their constituents. It is safe to say that conservative MPs reflect the conservative values of their electors.]
And as I mentioned before, you cannot fight an oppressor who does not care. We can scream and shout till the cows come home. The government will just play deaf and then go and promote family values that exclude gay people completely and only re-enforce fears and misconceptions of gay couples and make things harder for the Gay community in Malta.
[Daphne – What price the promotion of family values, Edward? You can’t promote family values and you can’t even legislate to control the situation. That’s exactly why I tell you that legislation doesn’t change attitudes or stop social evolution (or dissipation, depending on how you look at it). We have no divorce law, but we have rampant marital breakdown and the formation of second ‘unregulated’ families. We have no tax on children, but people are not having any, and when they do, it’s outside marriage and most often with an unregistered father.]
@Andy The ILGA is hardly unbiased is it? It is like asking turkeys to vote for Christmas. The point remains that anti-discrimination laws do exist, albeit they appear to be insufficient. That is why there is an initiative to improve them. For Malta to score higher on the ILGA scale it needs to introduce legislation approving same-sex marriage and granting adoption rights to same-sex couples. Do you honestly believe that the Maltese are ready for this when we do not even grant divorce or abortion rights?
@Edward I am perhaps atypical as I have a close relative who is gay and a work colleague as well. I have never had an issue with this and most people I know don’t either. I just feel that being militant about “gay rights” may prove to be counter-productive. It makes you seem like the hunters, a one-issue pressure group that will support the political party that grants it what it wants. In a polarised country like Malta this cannot be a good thing, especially when the problem of discrimination on sexual orientation is not such a massive one.
One final comment, everyone has a right not to be discriminated against because of sexual orientation, but being blatant and ostentatious about it will not help you integrate in society whether you are straight or gay. I feel this is a problem with some gays.
Women’s equality is by no means guaranteed, even in advanced countries like the UK, Scandinavia or the USA. One just needs to look at the Lib-Con cabinet to realise that the only woman is Theresa May (who has recently announced she changed her homophobic views, probably under pressure by the Lib-Dems).
The British Labour Party has more women, black and Asian MPs than the rest of the House of Commons put together but still can’t produce any female candidates for its leadership contest.
We still have debates about equality of pay between men and women in the European Parliament.
So it is by no means a Maltese problem.
The monopolisation of debates by Christian bigots impedes a lot of the social progress Malta desperately needs. One need only remember the recent heated controversy over the installation of a condom machine at Students’ House (a building run and managed by university students as opposed to the rest of the university campus buildings) to gauge the uphill struggle we are facing.
The State would rather put people’s lives at risk, fork out the medical expenses to treat its citizens for HIV and other STIs, and pay benefits to single mothers, than promote safe sex due to its Catholic blinkers.
I, thus, agree with Daphne that legislation alone will not bring social reform. But politics is about leadership. Martin Luther King’s ‘dream’ took over forty years to accomplish but we (or rather, they) eventually got there, one step at a time. Full blown rights are not on the table for decades to come. However, we can start taking baby steps in that direction, by introducing some basic legislation such as ‘hate crimes’ and slowly evolving into a modern society.
Having said that, as the law stands today, a client can fire his lawyer, a hotel owner can throw out a couple on holiday or they be refused service at a restaurant on the grounds that they are gay and not face charges on sexual discrimination. The fact that it normally does not happen is not of any solace.
[Daphne – It can happen in Britain, too, Andy, or did you miss the debate some weeks ago about bed-and-breakfast places claiming the right to refuse gay couples? The columnist Rod Liddle pointed out that the bigots are now on the Other Side – the politically correct side – and that true liberals would respect the moral/religious feelings of those who don’t wish to have two people of the same gender sharing a bed under their roof.]
The B&B has been sued….
I have friends who happen to be gay but I never think of them as “my gay friends”, just as I do not think of others as “my heterosexual friends.”
Another thing: it seems quite superfluous for Anthony Zammit to assure us that he is not ashamed to be seen with gays. Why? Does he think we’d assume otherwise if he didn’t point it out?
Nice one, Antoine!
The brain drain problem cannot be solved completely, however if the mentality that we Maltese are members of one or other tribe were to change and success in one’s career were not so dependent on who one knows rather than on merit I strongly suspect that the rate of “brain drain” would decrease significantly.
[Daphne – As if. It has nothing to do with it. If you were 22, wouldn’t you want to leave, at least for a few years? People don’t only leave for ‘a job’. They leave for wider horizons. Ar’hemm hej, so what if you get a helping hand to get some kind of ‘important’ job here – just how important can it be? Just how far can you go? Just how much can you learn? That’s why people live. The ambitious will leave Malta for the same reason that the ambitious leave sub-Saharan African states: they want more. This is not to compare life in Malta with life in, say, Mali – what I’m comparing is the drive to forge ahead.]
p.s. I find it very striking that instead of focusing on the very significant things that Dr Fenech Adami and Mr Vella said you focus on whether or not Mr Zammit is gay.
[Daphne – Whether or not? What do you mean, whether or not? I think it is more than significant that a gay politician, sitting on the Social Affairs Committee and discussing gay rights after a presentation by the Gay Right Movement, fails to mention that he is gay himself and instead says something utterly stupid and inane like ‘I have lots of gay friends and I’m not ashamed to be seen with them.’ How can a politician who is too ashamed/fearful to admit to being gay even begin to discuss the issue honestly? How about if he starts by being honest with himself and with the rest of us?]
Still, what Fenech Adami said was really and truy awful. Tipo xi dwejjaq fl-istonku u x’injoranza.
Fairly typical of Daphne to be lambasting someone for being gay and not outing themselves when she has already stated that she is ambivalent about anyone being forced out. I know that she goes on to make the point that he has put himself in an invidious position by making comments about gay people and his relationship to them . On the other hand I think Daphne is a total bully for outing him, and is nothing but a loose canon. Nasty.
[Daphne – I haven’t outed him, Susan. This is Malta, not New York City where no one knows anyone else. I gather that you’re not apprised of the typically disparaging ‘Maltese’ words by which he is known among the older generation. It’s not like he’s a married man desperately trying to live a ‘straight’ life to conceal his sexuality. Far from it. What’s really nasty is playing a stupid double game of pretence and self-delusion, while sitting on a committee responsible for reporting on gay issues. How can Zammit look the Gay Rights Movement in the face and talk such rubbish? And what about that elaborate cover-up act and waste of police time to explain away how men got in through his front door using a key and his manservant found him tied up in the bedroom in the morning? For heaven’s sake – ma kienx ikun Londra, ha nghidlek. Il-vera pajjiz tal-Mickey Mouse – frigging ridiculous.]
…that would be ‘loose cannon’. Pff.
Well, we’ve got plenty of loose canons, too. They’re standard fare on television shows, telling us how adulterers should be allowed to receive holy communion and such.
I’m not much acquainted with the case, but why would he report the matter to the police in the first place? I believe the case remains unsolved.
[Daphne – Put it this way. Your manservant turns up for work in the morning as usual and finds you trussed up in the bedroom. What do you say by way of explanation, when he runs in shouting ‘Madonna! Madonna!’ ? ‘Somebody broke in and tied me up and robbed me!’ He unties you and rushes to ring the police. What then? Can you stop him? Of course not. How would you explain it away – ‘Oh never mind, these things happen. Let it go.’ Hardly. So the police turn up and you have to play along. Then the police ask for CCTV footage and find out that the ‘assailants’ actually entered through the front door using a key. They ask how they could possibly have got that key and the reply is, ‘Oh how do I know! Lots of people have my key. They could have got it from anyone.’ Oh, ha-bloody-ha.]
Yes, of course, the ‘manservant’ scenario would be the obvious choice. But it still does not fit in. It is much easier to tackle a ‘manservant’ than having to tackle a police team and the media. So if that is indeed the case, it was a big mistake on his part. I thought you had more ‘inside information’ to go by, not just a hunch.
[Daphne – My hunches are pretty good because they’re based on knowledge of human nature. People in that position don’t reason things out by saying that the manservant is easier to tackle than the police. They can see no further than preserving the status quo – hence David Laws, a man far, far more intelligent than Zammit, a financial wizard who was a millionaire at 28. People in this position are deluding even themselves – it’s the only way they can cope. One of the questions people are asking in the London newspapers is why Laws claimed back the rent money when he is so well-off, and why he tried to justify it by saying that he and Lundie were not partners because they didn’t share finances or a social life. The answer to that one is this is precisely how he convinced himself. He paid Lundie rent, claimed it back on expenses, did not share finances and did not go out with him to parties and events. And so in his mind, there was no relationship and he wasn’t really gay.]
So my mate Spud was on a business trip once. He comes back from the airport and finds his front door wide open. “Hmm, strange,” he thinks.
Then he sees a trail of discarded clothes leading up the stairs, all the way to the bedroom. The penny drops. He enters the bedroom and sees his wife in her underwear, handcuffed to the bed.
“My my,” he says, “We’ve been naughty!”
“No you fool. We’ve been burgled.”
Daphne: I have straight friends… and I’m not ashamed to be seen with them.
As always you selectively pick people’s arguments to bits rather than answering them vide your answers to Edward Caruana Galizia.
[Daphne – It’s a discussion, Stephen. I happen to know Edward personally.]
p.s. there is something very Maltese in the way you go about being right at all costs………………..
[Daphne – Excuse me? On the contrary, I am atypical in that, despite being a Maltese woman, I don’t overtly agree with things people say and concede their greater knowledge while quietly disagreeing and thinking to myself ‘What a dickhead’. Watch Maltese women in a mixed group with men: the men talk, the women listen, when the women talk and are contradicted they will immediately concede that the man is right, and if a woman actually gets to be voluble and stand her ground it’s because she’s had one drink too many.]
I think what you said is unfair Stephen. Anyone can post his point of view on this blog. The undecided readers will ultimately go away with a better understanding of the subject and form their own view, or remain none the wiser.
Indeed, she does have to be right all of the time, even if it takes tedious extrapolation.
I have no friends and I am not ashamed to be seen around without them.
EPIC
I have a Nordic mentality. I am not ashamed of being seen with people with a Mediterranean one.
I never specified that you sounded like a Maltese “woman” I did not specify the sex. Let me elaborate further, you sound like a PL groupie of the sort that thinks their party is always right and the PN is always wrong. Its just reversed in your case.
[Daphne – Funny you should say that, Stephen, because the hallmark of PL groupies is irrational thought and incoherent argumentation. You can’t exactly level those accusations at me. The inherent irony and contradiction in your ‘reasoning’ – one you share with other anti-PN and pro-Labour individuals (hallmark: bitterness and resentment) is that you would dearly love me to choose the Labour Party precisely because you respect my views. If you thought I was just another stupid prat mouthing off without thinking, you wouldn’t be so damned keen for me to criticise the government and praise the opposition, because that opinion would be worth nothing. Clearly, my opinion is worth quite a lot to you, which is why you want it to accord with yours. Now examine the contradiction.]
Once you know Edward personally perhaps to him you could extend the courtesy of letting him finish his arguments without interrupting.
[Daphne – One can’t interrupt in print. One can only interrupt in speech. I am doing you the courtesy of allowing you space here to voice your thoughts. You do me the courtesy of not abusing that courtesy to insult your host and tell her how to do her job. She clearly knows how to do her job better than you do, otherwise you would be doing the job yourself.]
I have always up to now voted PN. I blame a certain Zero for my father’s death of coronary heart disease. My father was the judge who decided the court cases re church property and private schools.
[Daphne – Yes, I know. I was reluctant to upload your comments at first, because I thought you had appropriated the name. It’s not easy to check and it’s so easy to use a false name or somebody else’s name on the internet.]
I do respect your opinions some of the time. However I also think that once you are in a position of influence (as you are) and once there is no decent opposition party in this country, I think that if, as I do, you love Malta and want it to improve further (slowing the brain drain?) you should call a spade a spade and stop wearing blinkers.
[Daphne – That’s exactly what I do. Also, I find it extraordinary that in the absence of a proper Opposition in parliament, you expect a newspaper columnist/blogger to do the work of the opposition. Instead of going at the Opposition for being total crap, you have a go at me for not making up for the Opposition’s shortcomings.]
Constructive criticism never hurt anyone.
p.s. I did not insult my host. I just pointed out that in my modest opinion, she was being rude and interrupting. I do not aspire to your job so comments as to whether I would be as good as you at it are besides the point. (I seem to have touched a sore point). Cheers have a good weekend.
I think that in a democracy it is essential that some sort of decent criticism of the party in government should occur. I remember reading words to that effect some years back in The Sunday Times (London), when the Conservative Party was in disarray and was considered ineffective.
I am not asking you to not criticize the PL. I am suggesting that you also criticize the PN when necessary.
[Daphne – I do. It’s our definition of ‘necessary’ which differs. You might have failed to notice this, but I don’t even criticise the Labour Party where ‘necessary’. If I were so inclined, I would be right in there taking them apart from top to bottom, because the mess and the ineptitude – and the danger they pose to Malta right up ahead – are phenomenal. But instead, I crack jokes about Joseph Muscat. Why? Because that’s my style.]
Let’s face it: one way or another whatever you say is not going to change the vote of staunch supporters of either side. It’s the floaters you have to convince and showing even handedness would increase your credibility with them, also possibly if someone in a position of influence criticized any PN mistakes the Minister concerned might think twice about implementing any dubious policies.
[Daphne – This bears repeating once more at least. I am not in the business of convincing anyone. I am in the business of ensuring that I am read. I do a job for the newspaper which pays me. The newspaper which pays me requires me to be read. It does not require me to attract votes for one party over another, to criticise in a ‘balanced’ way, or to convince floating voters.
I do not work for the Nationalist Party and I am not paid by the Nationalist Party to help ensure it re-election. I work for a newspaper. The newspaper pays me to keep its readers entertained. Saviour Balzan certainly understands this, because a couple of years ago he asked me to join Malta Today and I said no.
Now if your arguments were to be addressed to Marisa Micallef, then yes, they would be relevant, because she is actually paid by a political party – Labour – to convince people. Her undoing is that when the newspapers understood that she was receiving a salary from Labour for the express purpose of dishing out propaganda, they appear to have resisted the manipulation and are not publishing her articles. The few pieces she sent to The Times were carried as letters to the editor. If, as a result of reading my articles, some people think about things, then all well and good.
Thinking is important. The outcome of that thinking doesn’t really matter to me one way or another, but it’s good to know that thinking happens, because sometimes I worry that it doesn’t. You appear convinced that dedicated party voters are unthinking and that floating voters are the thinking ones, the superior beings who are above it all. That is so wrong. In my extensive experience of floating voters, I have found that they are the most unthinking of all. They tend to be motivated not by deep thought but by utter lack of insight (the young ones) or by petty navel-gazing (the middle-aged ones).
I can use myself as an example of a thinking voter: both my paternal and maternal families were staunch supporters of the Strickland party, and I mean staunch. The Nationalist Party was political anathema (but then I suppose you know your political history). So when it came time to make my political decisions, I actually had to sit down and think about them. I assessed not just the political philosophy and the policies, but also the ‘stoffa’-what kind of party is it, what sort of people has it got, what kind of attitudes, that sort of thing.
After that assessment, I realised that voting Labour would be impossible even if it developed policies which appealed to me, because I just didn’t have faith in the party ‘stoffa’, its people and its ability to deliver. On the other hand, I thought the Nationalist Party was pretty good, and I still do. This is, in fact, the Labour Party’s biggest problem with me: they know that I am an intelligent person who took a rational decision to vote against them and an equally rational decision to vote for the Nationalist Party. They know that I come from a completely non-Nationalist background. Faced with a thinking person from a non-traditional political background who has thought about it and come to the decision that they’re crap and that the ‘others’ are infinitely better, they’ve decided that the best way to counter this is to portray me as some rabid Nationalist die-hard.
I am a very decisive person and have very little patience for the indecisive. Calling yourself a floating voter is simply advertising your inability to analyse people and situations and take a firm decision. I wouldn’t trust the judgement of such a person in any given situation. Clarity of thought is a quality I admire.]
This is not really for publication, its just a short note from me to you voicing my possibly naive opinion. Thanks and good evening.
[Daphne – I am happy to publish it, and more than happy to discuss the matter.]