Here’s somebody who wants to be hounded by a drunken dentist

timesofmalta.com – Tuesday, June 26, 2012, 15:53
by Victor Calleja

Open letter to the Honourable Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando

Dear Honourable Sir,

I’m ever so grateful to you for showing enviable uprightness in your life as a Member of Parliament. Malta, nay the world, needs people like you as its champions, its newly-minted benchmark.

Now that the House will soon move from the historic presidential palace to Piano’s pink pigeon coop in Freedom Ex-square it is only fine and fitting that you walk on this fabled land of ours as one of its own revered giants.

I am a blind believer in all things that give this sometime maligned country of ours a bold and proper representation of us, the people. And your presence, your vision and strength have assured me that amongst the pliable numbers at the House there is one as solid as rock and obviously that man is you and you alone.

Thank you for standing up, walking tall and getting rid of she-who-can’t-be-named and her messenger and messer-in-chief, RCC.

Now that you have moved his spitefulness out of the way I do hope you will move even higher in your ways and move me up as the official and topmost blogger and scribbler par excellence.

It always peeved me deeply that a man like RCC never thought of including me to give me my regular briefing of what to say and how to say it. If he did it to a witch, a marbled wardrobe and a cleric, couldn’t he have included me too?

And because he never wrote my stuff you never put me in the same bracket as them. Which means no one has ever heard of me and no one reads my scribblings.

As a wild soul once said the worst thing besides being talked about is not being talked about.

Anyway I need you now to give me a boost and a veritable boot up the escalator of blog fame. I’m the only known being to have chased paparazzi not because they were bugging me with all their flashing clicks but because I wanted to be shot, put in the frame and bestowed with fame.

I’m the invisible blogger so please dear mighty good JPO save my bout of crying envy and include me in your list of important—or ex-important—bloggers in Malta. Even if I get dumped into a witch’s brewing cauldron at least I’ll get my seconds of being super-hot.

I know your main line in life is fixing teeth and not fixing egos. But I’m sure you are the world’s leading curer and appraiser of horrid envy and torrid jealousy.

To you I do run to cure me of this my affliction—if I am not elevated to being a quoted blogger by the likes of you and Jesmond I will just die of shame and spite.

Yours in envy

The invisible blogger