Joe Mizzi: this is the sort of IQ we’re dealing with here
Joe Mizzi: something fishy about that boat
Sometimes, my readers have a better memory for the stuff I’ve written than I do myself. Tonight, one of those readers remembered a piece I’d written about Joe Mizzi almost five years ago.
I’d forgotten all about it. But how could I have forgotten something so patently absurd? Here it is.
SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON
Daphne Caruana Galizia
25 November 2007, The Malta Independent
After the Michael Farrugia/Albert Fenech debacle, there’s been more nonsense in Parliament.
Joe Mizzi, who was Prime Minister Sant’s Minister Without Portfolio, produced with a flourish a copy of a list of yachts taken from the Malta Maritime Authority. He wished to draw the attention of the House, and consequently, of the nation, to the fact that a clerk had listed one boat with the words “something fishy” instead of putting down its name.
“This yacht has been noted down as something fishy,” Joe Mizzi said. “I think (the clerk) realised that there was something fishy about it, and so I am going to place this list on the table of the House.”
When told that Something Fishy is the name of the boat, and not a comment made by a suspicious clerk, the ex Minister Without Portfolio said he was just joking – you know, being sarcastic.
I’m surprised to find that deadpan delivery is an element of Maltese humour, because I hadn’t noticed. Maltese humour is obvious and crass, like Italian humour – the Fantozzi sort. You can hear Maltese humour clanging and banging all the way down the corridor; that’s how subtle it is.
So I don’t think so.
I think that Prime Minister Sant’s right-hand man at Castille, important enough to be a minister but not important enough to be given a portfolio, did something more in keeping with the Maltese mindset: he read those words and took them literally.
I suppose we should be grateful that he didn’t find any boats called Sexy Beast or Going Loco on that list. There would have been chaos in the House.
If Alfred Sant gets to be prime minister again next year, I hope he installs this man at his side in the Auberge de Castille like he did last time. We should be endlessly amused.
Joe Mizzi didn’t stop there, of course. Why should he, when there’s fun to be had?
He said that an internal auditor at the Malta Maritime Authority, who is investigating the situation in which bribes were paid to obtain berths, got one of those berths irregularly himself. An immediate check ensued, and it was found that none of the internal auditors even has a berth to start with.
The internal auditing is contracted out, and one of the 50 or so partners in the contracted audit firm has a berth – but he does no auditing work for the Malta Maritime Authority and he got his berth 11 years ago.
When confronted with this piece of information, the ex Minister Without Portfolio didn’t say he was only joking, but that he was talking about “the internal auditors and not the auditing firm”.
Well, this pretty much cleared up the mystery of why Joe Mizzi had no portfolio when he was a minister, though it doesn’t clear up the other mystery of why he sat at Prime Minister Sant’s right hand at the Auberge de Castille. Or maybe it does.
The Malta Maritime Authority paused and drew breath before it replied that they are one and the same thing, that the internal auditing is done by the auditing firm, and that another auditing firm takes care of the external auditing, because – obviously – the external auditors audit the work of the internal auditors.
You could almost hear the rustle of the dictionary pages as Joe Mizzi looked up the word ‘auditing’.
(…)
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In 2013, if Labour Ministers were to be given a Ministry based on their competence and IQ, then, for the first time in the history of the Republic, we are set to have an entire Cabinet without portfolio.
Ciccio, haven’t you noticed that this year a new benchmark has been set to determine one’s suitabilty for a ministerial position- the form 2 half-yearly tests.
I know the man.
He’s genuinely very enthusiastic about everything he does. The problem is that he knows next to nothing about everything, and being like that in high office is, well, an open invitation to get his knickers in a twist very often, and rather dangerous to the rest of us.
Still, he never was one to let such minor obstacles block his path. Onwards and upwards, come what may. He’s still as full enthusiasm as when he first started following in Big Dom’s footsteps. Maybe old age has started to set in, but his spirit is unwavering.
I’m going to miss Austin Gatt. He could play him like a fiddle. He’d wind him up to an erupting volcano with a single word, and wind him down to a domesticated pussy with another. Just like that. Not quite ‘Yes Minister’, true, by a mile and half even, but nonetheless a little harmless home-grown comedy to add to the variety of life.
I recall he had once said that he knows where Malta’s oil reserves are located. You know, just like that.
I wonder if BP, ENI or Shell know about Joe Mizzi?
They would surely employ him as their chief oil prospector.
Never mind his ignorance of geology and interpretation of data (on which oil companies spend millions of dollars), when all they have to do is ask ‘know it all’ Joe Mizzi and he can tell them where to drill for oil.
Some years ago, if I remember correctly, he lambasted the government for not doing anything about that black cloud of dust that blew over from Etna.
I also remember him as the one who tried to stop Net TV from using the Naxxar antenna.
And wasn’t he responsible for withdrawing a permit MZPN had to hold a party in a quarry back in 97/98?
Actaully Joe Mizzi was right in lambasting government for not having a contingency plan on volcanic dust.
What is amazing about this issue is that a university academic had written at that time (the Etna had just erupted then) that volcanic dust is good for Malta. Three days later, after Joe Mizzi made his critical comments, the same academic was quoted in a newspaper that volcanic dust is a hazard for humans.
That is quite a U-turn for an academic who is now professor and Pro-Rector at the University of Malta. Could it be that university professors are advised by Joe Mizzi what to say?
One to read:
http://www.independent.com.mt/news.asp?newsitemid=147534
Ma nafx il-għala imma meta nisma’ leħnu tiġi quddiem għajnejja il-frażi: “bħal qaħba f’xalata”. Tgħid għaliex?
Was the Something Fishy owned by Bastjan by any chance or was that he Very Clean?
[Daphne – That’s the Jolly Roger.]
Too good not to be reproduced on your blog.
Timesofmalta.com
G Schembri
Today, 10:30
The problem with Maltese young voters is that they vote according to their family traditions. Many left leaning families do not discuss politics with their children, because they are afraid of repercussions in schools or jobs, PN leaning families on the other hand are rather militant and retell history and scaremonger all the time.
Funny as it may seem in the young generation it is the voters coming from PN backgrounds are indoctrinated while others are either indoctrinated by their peers or left to make up their own minds.
G. Schembri’s commentand most of Victor Laiviera’s comments on timesofmalta.com’s board are pure cognitive dissonance.
In such situation the person holds conficting cognitions or facts and the mind reduces the dissonance by altering or adding new cognitions to be consistent with own belief system.
G.Schembri can’t accept the fact that young voters believe more in Gonzi than Muscat – to make sense of these challenging survey results to his belief system, he affirms that ‘young generation’ is easily indoctrinated.
Laiviera lambasts anyone who disagrees with Muscat – anyone who criticises Muscat might is challenging his belief system.
Can you imagine these persons living in this altered state of reality for 25 years wasting their life for the sake of a political party? What a sad, sad life.
Imagine if the boat was The Other One.
She would have been invited to Consie’s parties.
His speeches are purely hot air.
I think that Joseph Muscat is using two weights, two measures with Karmenu Vella and Joe Mizzi.
Joe Muscat was prepared to show open support to Karmenu Vella.
In fact Joseph was present for Karmenu’s press conference and even gave him a hand.
This didn’t happen with Joe Mizzi. He was left to dance the music by himself.
Joe Mizzi is one of Joseph Muscat’s useful idiots, like the other Joseph who was persuaded to resign his seat in parliament for the Greater Good of the Great Leader.
Joe Mizzi is in for a shock. There isn’t another free seat in the EP.