Rival comment of the day
Posted by the singular H. P. Baxxter:
Joseph Muscat is a living example of every possible sartorial faux pas.
He is fat. Let us be clear on that. And short. Now a short, fat man must tread carefully. He could spend ages trying to find an off-the-peg suit that will fit him. Or he could get them made to measure. Joseph Muscat is a millionaire. He can certainly afford made-to-measure suits.
Unless the man looks like a Greek demigod, the jacket’s tail should cover the backside. Muscat’s jackets are too short. They were made for those skinny Beatle-type fashionistas that have become all the rage. Sadly, thought, he can never be them. Far too short.
The jacket’s at least two sizes too small. He will have gone for that size because of his short arms. The rule with jackets is you start from the chest size, and anything else is then altered. Unless of course you’re fat, in which case you need to get the cut right to fit your waist.
There should be half an inch of space with a closed jacket, enough to fit two fingers. Muscat’s is clearly straining at the button.
As for the chest, if you’re heavy up top, like Muscat, you need to get a Scholte drape cut, not a ruddy skinny Britpop one. That’ll give a more relaxed fit around the shoulders and chest.
The ideal suit emphasises the V-shape which is the essence of manliness. Muscat is pear-shaped. There is no way a normal jacket will look good on him. Get them tailored, Joseph.
Trousers next. Too long. One clean break is the rule for British style. Two if you’re continental. Anything more than that and you look like those kids from Brigata Laburista.
Muscat’s trousers are the hipster type. Big mistake! When you’re fat and short, what you want to do is to have high-waisted trousers, so there’s a clean, unbroken line from your shoes to your chest where the shirt becomes visible.
He also appears to carry stuff in his trouser pockets. Either that, or his thighs are really fat.
Can I start a style column in Taste? Will this do for a first draft of “Dressing down the celebs – What not to wear”?
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I’ll precis.
He looks like a right cunt.
I’ll help you. He also walks like a Pahhu. Don’t start me off on that rahli accent.
In Mosta we say Pahahhu.
H.P. Baxxter, I think you should have been chosen to present and/or run a commentary on the Malta Eurovision Song Contest. It would be a blast to read your comments.
You couldn’t have put it better.
fokkin wreaths. fokkin trousers. and now even fokkin jacket won’t stay put.
A couple of years ago Joseph Muscat was a member of the gym I go to. If you think that he looks fat in an ill fitting suit you should see him in shorts.
Qisu qallut.
H.P. Baxxter, I bow my head unto thee!
Surely, that sort of thing is best left to Cyrus.
OK, OK, that was out of order.
Good advice, Baxxter. However, there is only so much a tailor can do. A stunted red phone box is one hell of a challenge.
True. Gianni Campagna even looks horrible in his own suits.
“Unless the man looks like a Greek demigod, the jacket’s tail should cover the backside. Muscat’s jackets are too short.”
Come 10 March 2013, Muscat’s backside will be totally exposed.
I come back from an evening with my colleagues in the fashion industry (yes, ciccio, la bite sous le bras, so no snide comments please) and I find this. Rather gratifying, I must say.
So do I get my regular slot?
P.S. I was told by one enchantress that glue is the new cocaine. Rejoice, people of Malta. We can sniff our sorrows away, legally.
Anglu Farrugia’s interview in The Sunday Times makes a good read. The bottom line of the interview is that Joseph Muscat is a Big Liar and this coming from his previous deputy.
Post the link when available.
He looks as if he thinks it’s a chore to place all those wreaths on monuments, and the way he plunked the wreath beneath the Independence monument speaks volumes. He did’t even notice that it’s got a stand or know that it’s meant to be upright.
Maybe his priority concern was that any extra movement and the seams will give way. Same as his speeches. Same as his “policies.”
Yes, had there been no cameras, he’d probably have chucked it out of the window of his car as he drove by. The end result would not have been any worse.
He panicked, realising he wouldn’t have made it, leg short of clearing the ledge.
Typical dwarf syndrome, predominant in Maltese men below the 5’5 average. The shorter they are, the bigger the need for them to make a point.
By no means must we associate his abilities to govern with his lack of glamour, but I do think we have to take everything into perspective, Baxxter. This is a man brought up in cotton wool, sheltered, knows no hardship, spoilt and who can only relate to the ‘mittlekless’ because he can never become anything else and is far too affluent anyway.
But yes, I do believe that appearance, attire and composure are of cardinal importance during an election campaign when you are trying to sell yourself as the future.
Though I tend to agree with you, I would be willing to close half an eye to all this if the moment he opens his mouth he redeems himself with good sense, sound proposals, and enthusiasm for the future (beyond the 10th of March, that is).
What I see instead is an arrogant half-witted turd of a man, who thinks that the end justifies the means (by his own admission) and that come the 10th of March, things will just continue as they are now without needing much intervention, while he struts about, smiles, and feels important.
His philosophy is one of ‘qabbel fejn jaqbillek’ and to hell with principles. As untrustworthy as your typical slime-ball.
Perfect Baxxter. This week I read your “Novella”. Another piece that begs for more of same.
Whilst one could even say at times: it’s not what you do but the way that you do it, Joseph and Co. are non-starters either way.
It’s mainly due to the lack of substantial content.
But the look that comes out of the eyes is so uninspired, the words he uses so cliched, and the timed breaks in his talk-walks so evidently there to help the clock tick away faster… filling time up with more of nothing.
I’ve watched clip after clip hoping to be surprised. Ghalmenu xi haga? Let me see what they see? Where’s the substance. Fejn hu l-messagg? Nothing doing. All I see in Joseph is empty flattery that his supporters are not detecting the body language for. Jahasra. They live in the same world. But he has been programmed to exploit. And they don’t see it. Now there’s the whole of them bleating Korruzzjoni when they should be asking for some respect, some vision: where’s the programme? Corruption issues will be dealt with by the police and proper channels. Hadd ma qalilkom? Bit-tattika ta’ telf ta’ hin xorta l-programm ma dehrx.
His sense of priority with facebook likes over the electoral programme leaves us with just the reassurance we need that if ever there was another paar idejn sodi they’re certainly his. Oh yeah! What a joke. It’s as though the stooges have postulated, and are getting their thrills from basking in facebook self-reflection and an out-dated copy/paste campaign where they forgot the most important bits: focus and programme. What I do read is a very primitive capture net operating: If you’re not in visibly in it now, u mbaghad naraw fejn npogguk.
Newly discovered thrills, skills and language. Goodness they’re about as flexible with it as Baxxter describes Joseph above. Only no clue as to marks and parametres. Ahjar wiehed umli jinduna li ma jafx bizzejjed milli dal pretenzjonijiet vojta bla sugu.
Feels like Educating Rita. Do you think they’ll get it…eventually?
What utter cheap confusion.
A false premiss, even if due to ignorance, doesn’t lead to a correct result.
I refuse to believe that dense stooges have come to represent the majority of the Maltese.
You’re right Daphne, productions at the Super One mill do distort reality.
To me he looks and acts like the eighth dwarf, Greedy.
That kind of short jacket is called a ‘busli sormi’.
That’ utterly disgusting! Ugh! JAQQ! And yet so many are doing it, hopefully only figuratively. Qatta’ laqgha who are going to screw us all over.
Cyrus, wouldn’t mind, and he shows it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq_B4UHdj6Y
6:40. mass removed from proportion.
Splendid. But we will never forgive Armani for having ruined gentlemen’s suits in the 80s. It took us two decades to recover.
Yes, Tubbs looked sharper.
Still, chubby Brutus could do with one, perfect for climbing up monuments.
If all else fails, he could always be Oddjob in the next Bond movie…
Joseph Muscat needs a partial makeover starting with some drapes and drainpipes.
A Teddy Boy jacket complete with suede “Brothel Creepers” shoes to a greasy ducktail toupee to cover the balding top.
He would look smashing in Labour Party red no matter what he says about that colour.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPsJN4jsdss
And there is one ‘little’ problem that only padded briefs can solve.
Gym saunas reveal so many secrets