Earlier this week, the Law Commissioner and the Head of Government Communications were seen power-lunching together. H. P. Baxxter has the conversation.
Well, if you insist.
“…ghax ha nghidlek, jinhbew hemm gol-aquarium, misshom jisthu! Jien ridt inkun biex nirriforma partit u pajjiz! Jien!”
“Joseph jibqa’ jafulek, tibzax.”
“…u mela, mammamia kemm kien haw korruzzjoni! Jien naddaft pajjiz mill-korruzzjoni! Kemm batejt! Riedu jkissru lili u lill-familja! Imbasta Nsara! Ahna lkoll ahwa! Ghand tal-grocer u il-parlament! Ilkoll ahwa!”
“Maltin hux vera. Il-pajjiz taghna lkoll, kif jghid Joseph!”
“…imbasta dawwru l-Prim Imhallef kontrija! Urejthom jien! Minn dejjem kont habrieki! Top student minn dejjem! Anke meta kont tfal kelli—-
“Tixtiequ tordnaw, sinjuri?”
“Jimporta ma tinterrompinix? Jien hallejtek titkellem issa halli lili! Mhux tinheba wara dak in-notebook!”
“Sinjur, gejt niehu l-ordni taghkom.”
“Gejt tissemma’! Ara, bin-notebook u l-biro f’idek! Tichad li ghandek biro f’idek? Ejja, wiegeb!”
“Sinjur, in-notebook biex niehu l-ordni taghkom.”
“Dak baghtitu DIK. Joseph dejjem iwissina kontriha. DIK. Issa ahna ghandna l-power, u nwaqqfuha!”
“Ejja, wiegeb, qisek cass! Qed tisma’? Baghtitek il-blokker, hux veru? Dik bin-notebook ukoll! Issa tigi ggib ritratt tieghi fil-blokk taghha! Tipprova tkissirni! Nuriha jien! Nuriha! Jien minn dejjem top student habrieki, anke mal-ghasafar inhabrek ahseb u ara mal-bnedmin! Seventijn ejti najn! Seventijn ejti najn!”
“Sinjur, tixtiequ ftit iktar hin biex tahsbuha dwar l-ordni?”
“….ejti najn! Oppressjoni anke mill-bank tal-Oppozizzjoni jaghmluha! ‘misshom jisthu! Dawn li jghidu li huma l-partit tas-sewwa! Nurihom jien! Riforma kbira hemm bzonn f’dall-pajjiz! Riforma ta’ nies onesti, li batew, top students u nies habrieka bhali! Mur ara l-haiku li ktibt! Mur ara! Kollox hemm qieghed, kollox! Fader Pijter ukoll qalli li ‘messmi sirt pojeta! Imma jien sirt avukat, ghax il-ligi nhobbha! U r-riforma iktar! Mur sib id-diskorsi tieghi fil-Parlament! Mur sibhom! Fit-tuowownajn diga’ kont qed nghajjat ghal riforma! U huma hemm, fl-aquarium! Misskom tisthu bl-aquarium! Misskom—–”
“Sinjur, l-aquarium nuzawh biex insommu l-lobster haj. Jekk tixtieq ta—–”
“—m’ghandix qalb jiena? Ghandi qalb ukoll! M’ghandix dritt insemma’ lehni? Ghidli, imma ghandi dritt jew le? Bhall-lobster fl-aquarium! Imma nurihom jien, ghax ghamilt riforma! Riforma kbira! Il-lobsters fil-Bastilja! Seventijen ejti najn, nehilsuhom kollha! Il-lobster halluh itir hieles, mela go aquarium! ‘messkom tisthu!”
“Sinjur, barra s-seafood naghmlu wkoll Franco-Italian—-”
“Issejjahli b’ismi, wkoll! Mank Dottore! Iva, jmissni mort l-Italja! U jriduni, ta’! Kelli offerti kemm irrid minn hemm!—”
“Mhux ahjar nordnaw? Joseph iridni lura fis-saghtejn”
“Sinjur, nirrakkomanda l-ispecial of the day. Roast capon.”
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It seems so real.
So much that it made me wish for this page to open a time portal on the meal so that I could have a go at the idiot, preferably with his haiku book.
U l-premju tal-Ktejjeb tad-Deheb intrebah minn:
http://kunsilltalmalti.gov.mt/filebank/documents/kompjuter.pdf
Nice one Baxxter. You could have spread a few dozen ‘bir-rispett kollu’ around. Would have made it more colourful.
Brilliant. Would not be surprised if somebody told me that this conversation took place.
What a great way to start my Saturday morning. Thank you, Baxxter!
Rolling on the floor laughing my arse off :-) Baxxter you made my day.
Apparentement tant ilu jsemma lehnu li nhanaq. Baghtuh jistrieh jeheda mal-kotba wara tant keded, tbaqbieq, tmashin li ma jaghmlu xejn tajjeb ghall-qalb.
Forsi ghalhekk ukoll ghamel Change of Heart u mar labour, biex ikun jista jsegwi lill Joseph, bil-mohh kollu, bil-qalb kollha u bl-ispirtu kollu.
U ma ninsewx bil-mobile b`kollox ta’ top student li hu. Qaddej fidil u bravu li poggieh Joseph fuq il kotba tal-LIGI TIEGHU.
How exhausting. To think we’re paying this screeching cock for helping Muscat screw up.
Simply Baxxter.
Out of subject, but it’s clear that with this government the devil is in the detail.
Last year I paid €46 for a circulation licence for my small 125cc scooter. The licence has from this year gone up to €124.
And then we are told that there have been no tax increases.
H. P. Baxxter is a genius and highly articulate. I really enjoy reading his comments; they are always pertinent and skillfully drafted.
Keep it up, H.P., and thank you for your contribution to this excellent addictive blog.
http://www.maltarightnow.com/?module=news&at=Il%2DMinistru+Konrad+Mizzi+jg%26%23295%3Bid+li+l%2DGvern+Laburista+g%26%23295%3Badu+qed+jitg%26%23295%3Ballem+kif+jixtri+%26%23380%3B%2D%26%23380%3Bejt&t=a&aid=99853480&cid=19
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMlkHojieKs
Daqs kemm kien jinqala’ biex imaqdar lil Tonio Fenech, ara issa xi gralu. X’jistenna, nithassruh?
Baxxter, I am sure that I would have enjoyed your discourse. However, since I am still not totally competent in Maltese, much to my shame, possibly we could enjoy a ‘roast capon’ over lunch one day.
We need to go up to Scotland to shoot some grouse. And finish it off with some Germknödel, if you get my drift.
Got it, my friend. Good idea. However, we will drink, not shoot, the Grouse, and the malts that are blended to make it. Will take at least one afternoon to do the whole deal. Ambulances await.
I will attempt to entice ‘someone’ to bring some Germknodel, (German version) too sweet for me, I’m into haggis. Makes a German sausage taste like a Weiner. Remember him?
Him?
Anthony Wiener, congressman from New York. Exposed himself on the net, a great howl last year. Tried to run again last year, but gave up. Guess his weiner was not up to snuff.
Whatever. I’ll bring my smoothbore, you bring the booze and the rest.
Beautiful.
This sounds like a Monty Python sketch. Are these people for real? A case of the lunatics running the asylum.
That waiter was truly lucky he did not get a “Hu Go Fik” retort.
I would book my ticket to Malta tomorrow if anyone decided to produce a revue along the lines of HP’s script. Imagine seeing this on stage.
There is so much hilarious content in Maltese politics (from all sides and all angles). There must be a courageous producer who will be able to create something into an act that would equal or beat Monty Python.
I haven’t got the right actors, and never will. This sort of satire needs brilliant actors. It’s not so much about the script.
Maltese comic actors are invariably of two types: the ghastly “Zoo”/”Bla Kondixin” type, who are too stupid to understand satire, or the MADC Alexander technique types, who think it is humorous.
This isn’t humour. It’s dead serious. I yearn for a bare stage where I can go up, perhaps wearing a black turtle-neck, stand silent for two minutes, and then denounce Franco Debono. I don’t want to be Monty Python. I want be Klaus Kinski.
And self-preservation be damned.