Charlo Attard: next in line for promotion to brigadier in the AFMM (Armed Forces of Manuel Mallia)

When you’re next in need of rescue by the helicopter squad of the Armed Forces of Malta, relax and know you’re in the safe, strong hands of a soldier who is tough enough to write, on Facebook and in his own name, ‘Go and fuck yourself asshole!’ in reference to former prime minister Lawrence Gonzi rather than to Kurt Farrugia, the chief of government communications who has no business, in his role, posting the sort of partisan thing he did.

Such grace.

I suppose this government, under the auspices of Manuel Mallia, is truly determined to turn the Armed Forces of Malta into the Scum Forces of Malta.

And to make matters worse, the Malta Freeport Corporation CEO, Aaron Farrugia, responds to that vulgarity with ‘Amen’ (to that).

Oh, and I’ve been meaning to mention this: Aaron Farrugia was seated next to me on an Air Malta flight a a couple of weeks ago. That must have been the check-in clerk having a laugh.

Farrugia’s face froze and turned red as he shuffled in a fluster right up the aisle (he was the last to board) and saw to his consternation where the only two empty seats were (next to ‘dik’).

I did what one is supposed to do when faced with awkwardness: behave as though you haven’t seen/noticed/heard anything.

But I did notice one thing: like a philistine or a schoolgirl (reference to the ink colour) with a textbook, he spent the entire flight underlining Important Passages in the book he was reading, and writing points in the margins, in turquoise ink.

I only just managed to restrain the urge to introduce him to the many wonders of the notebook, perhaps offering to buy him a nice Moleskin as a kind gesture, and gently pointing out that if he wishes to impress people by reading, he must not deface the books he reads, because only people from illiterate backgrounds who are unaccustomed to books and associate them with the classroom do that.