Erin Tanti wrote this at 16 as a school assignment called ‘self portrait’
Leaving aside the fact that some 16-year-olds have a normal tendency to self-dramatise which they grown out of as soon as they ease themselves into adult life (he was 16 in September 2007, when this was uploaded), there is clearly something not quite right with:
1. somebody/talks/thinks about himself in the third person (Franco Debono does it, for instance), even if it is being passed off as a literacy device;
2. somebody whose level of self-analysis had begun to make him feel uncomfortable with, and even fear, himself.
Tanti uploaded an abridged version of this description on Deviantart, which is how it is public. Beneath, he describes his motivation.
Equally disconcerting is his description of his eyes – to his teacher who would have known all too well they are dark brown like those of most of the rest of the Mediterranean population of Malta – as “piercing blue…glittering as gemstones, shining like some crazy diamond”.
a self-portrait
by erinstewarttanti, Sep 18, 2007, 7:24:58 AM
observant – that is his nature; that is his flaw.
his piercing pale blue eyes, shudder and quake the aura set by the tepid setting of the dim light. these two orbs seem to stare fixedly at some unknown point in his venture, whilst giving the sense of being suspended in mid air by glimmering as gemstones, shining like some crazy diamond, contrasting from the careless strokes and stabs which concern his human features.
two dark cavities upon his grainy surface act as beholders for his eyes of supernatural, and reflect, furthermore such a contrast this young man possesses between the body of flesh and bone, and the thoughts he has floating through his mind.
in silk petal water lilies on a dark loathsome pond, he reminds me –
i have come to think this young man (well, he can’t be older than fifteen) has some dark, hidden secrets he shares only with himself.
And then the explanation:
being another written assignment for my english class, i decided that i could give a self-depiction of myself in the pure literal way, by painting myself as a memory of a friend, and seeing this painting from a third party view point. thus i would depict my feeling as if they were shown on my face. i daresay, if they were, i would possibly not leave my house. the oriinal version was longer since i had a word limt to upkeep. this version, the finalised version, sustains enough integrity in its shorter version for the cry i want to be passed on. it was not my choice to become a poet, it is like some heavy jinx that makes me see everything from outside the box, through another perspective. sometimes i wish i could be a sheep like most of the people on this island, just so i dont have to feel obliged to anything or anyone. this self-portait is of a poet, of myself.
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http://erinstewarttanti.deviantart.com/art/a-self-portrait-65202962
He fancies himself as some sort of artist, doesn’t he? There is something so superficial about all this.
He is trying too hard to portray himself as some tortured soul. What absolute crap. Wanting to be an artist doesn’t make him one.
His ultimate work, or so it was defined by the press, ‘censor me’ happens to be the most auto-referential rubbish ever to be conceived.
The man lacks talent, all in the name of self-promotion. Only he wouldn’t destroy himself without devastating others.
Some have defined him highly intelligent and troubled, absolutely not, he’s just twisted and incapable of self-criticism.
Manic depressives do NOT take others. Nor do they plan the ultimate trick. He had no intention of dying. And that’s proved with all circumstantial evidence, whatever he’ll say.
The sooner some of those who glorified this swine realise this, the better for the rest of us.
If they keep at it, they’re complicit to his manipulation of the subject matter they all seem so obsessed about; Maltese society’s demons which he aptly took upon himself to act.
I’m absolutely disgusted at the comments made by certain individuals who should know so much better. Adrian Buckle foremost on the list, how dare he suggest the ‘theatre community should give all the support Erin can get’?
I expect Buckle to commit himself to that which is right, just the once, at least to offer some spiritual comfort to Lisa Maria’s father, who’s going through a hell no trendy playwright can ever describe.
If they’re going down the rich girl/noble hero route to provide an alibi for their absolute lack of empathy they’re scum as much as this Tanti is.
There are people reading this who know fully well who’s writing this, and who have a sense of decency, even if they’re too shocked to express themselves: Start by confronting those among you who’ll insist on putting some blessed abstract content before human life.
Get a grip and cut loose those who’ve made it into your community to poison evryone else with their approximate ‘values’ and who’ve kept you entranced with their pseudo intellectual posing pushed down your throats as some challenge to ‘traditional’ moral values in need of radical change.
Therese Friggieri wasn’t the problem, your inability to discern the limits of an infantile society and subsequent refusal to contribute lest it ruins your self-image was.
Get real all of you. have a look deep down and trace where you let this jerk get away with his slime. That it never happen again.
Do not let Maria Lisa Zahra’s memory fade in vain.
Adrian Buckle couldn’t recognise art if it got up and spat at him – which, incidentally, it probably would after what he does to it.
But then again, it is an eternal tribute to the PN that they put absolutely no restraint on anyone expressing him/herself in the performing arts. There are many people concerned with the performing arts who were quite happy to bite the hand that fed them . . . the result? Well, Gensna for starters.
On a deeper level, the artistic freedom afforded to people like Tanti was very much a part of the psychological degradation that lead him to – when it’s proven – commit murder.
I wonder if Buckle might just be beginning to feel the tiniest twinge of conscience now, when it’s too late? But I’m not holding my breath.
He got the “sheep” part right in one way.
Agreed!
“contrasting from the careless strokes and stabs which concern his human features.”
My take is that, he was not happy with himself, mostly with his physical appearance. Some people accept themselves as they are but others go overboard to excel in some other area of life.
That will explain his being presumptuous and thinking of himself as a cut above the rest – “sometimes i wish i could be a sheep like most of the people on this island”.
Last of the cabbages.
Does he have a Tumblr account as well? Because disturbed people like this guy tend to be on Tumblr as well, sharing and reblogging stuff which makes them look like ‘victims of society’.
What are you actually pretending to do, some kind of online investigative journalism? You look more like the one who roams within the neighobour’s trashes to look up for gossip. Imagine if this kind of exposure of adolescent thoughts was done to you or to your children. This young man’s life, whether innocent or guilty, is destroyed forever. Let him in peace, and let it be justice to settle his responsibilities, not public opinion.
Why don’t you ask Erin what ‘he actually was pretending to be’?
If there’s anyone who needs peace, it’s Lisa Maria’s family not Erin Tanti.
You seen to be ‘the detached from reality’ type who can’t understand what losing a daughter in very tragic circumstances, means.
Maybe you should take another dive in Antarctica.
Maybe Erin Tanti should have done that before doing the Dingli Cliffs challenge with those horrible underpants on.
People who are suicidal don’t strip off before take-off.
Did he improve as a poet over the next 7 years or did he remain so terrible and deluded?
This guy makes me look sane. I like him.
Expect to make more enemies with that sort of comment. The literal-minded don’t understand irony, and the non-literal minded mind flippancy.
Pretentious delusions from a half -baked congenital nut-case with a hyper-inflated ego.
“..it is like some heavy jinx that makes me see everything from outside the box, through another perspective.”
There you go. This is what you’ve been talking about all along, this man needs to act out everything in his life. He can’t just be himself, he needs different roles, different ‘perspectives’.
What amazed me here was that his teacher should have realised that something was wrong with the ‘balance’ of his character.
I mean, this bit here is heavy:
“i have come to think this young man (well, he can’t be older than fifteen) has some dark, hidden secrets he shares only with himself.”
The early ravings of a sick mind.
What a self-absorbed dildo.
He reminds me of the kind of annoying pillock that everyone tried to avoid as a teenager but who always ends up in the middle of everything trying so hard to be the centre of attention.
So groan-inducing.
Our Jo had addressed his flock in the third person. Remember when he told them “darba kien hemm tiefel li kien jipprometti. . . . . ” and they were all so highly amused, God bless.
Daphne, it has been said before and I’m going to repeat it again for the sake of clarity.
This man suffers from some sort of dilemma. The dilemma could be coming from the fact that he is against the elite part of society who are better than him. The elite are better not because they were born better but because they made themselves better with what we all know is hard work – people work very hard to improve themselves.
Also, he can’t do much because he is not talented. In theatre , when one is short with a short waist and a short neck, has a large head and has very short legs, one can only make it to back stage – sorry that’s the way of the world.
In the circus world, dwarves are given entertainment shows that suit the dwarf and what he can do with himself. I’ve never seen a dwarf doing the trapeze with the beautiful slim 6.5 tall girl who swings from one end to the other side of the stage to reach the 6.5 tall man who’ll catch her.
It’s all relevant. You can not be something or someone you are clearly NOT. Work in an office, in a hotel, work hard so you won’t just go out to pester 15 year old girls just cause your mental reality is extremely different to the real world out there.
With all due respect…and not referring to Erin Tanti in particular….don’t we all know that teenagers are hormone-/ testosterone irritated, Harry-Potter reading wannabe’s, living in their – sometimes mystical or dark – dream world, far away from reality???
I have just passed that teenage stage with my two boys and my God it was a tough time with one drama queen on one and a super-hero on the other side.
Let us all be honest, as a dis-nerved parent of teenagers you wake up in the morning, asking yourself who is getting the input of Valium today: them or you!?!
Thank God they grow out of it before your chemist is getting seriously worried about the amount of Valium you order over the counter.
So why trying to interpret something into a school essay of a self-dramatizing teenager? Perhaps this guy simply disliked that kind of homework and therefore wanted to take the Mickey out of his teacher….who knows?!?
[Daphne – With a drug addict for a mother, your sons haven’t got much chance. Valium is more dangerous than heroin. It just happens to be legal, that’s all. You are mad to take it. If this comment is real, and you are truly an adult with two teenage children, I suggest you read it back again and work out what you sound like: somebody on drugs.]
Daphne – that valium part was a joke!!! Don’t take things soooo serious!
[Daphne – Was it? I doubt it. The amount of diazepam and anti-depressants sold in Malta is remarkably high. Somebody is popping all those pills.]
I could have also written an essay about what it means to have teenagers in the house and for those, who think that the “terrible two” are a challenge….wait for the real thing of…
– the first love
– the first sex
– the first joint
– the first time drunk
– the first time being seriously humiliated
– the first “necknomination”
– the first selfie
– the first skinnie dipping in the dark
– the first petty crime (perhaps)
– all those “cool” dares
– the process of wanting to let go of the parents’ hand
– the extremes of hormonal ups and downs, as in plenty of extreme darks and sparkling whites with no fifty shades of grey in between
– the first suicidal thought (most of them do have them)
– the fact that at that age the opinions of friends are ranking higher than those of the parents….and so on – and so on!
At times teenage years seem to be endless, tiring, mind-boggling, frustrating, and they are certainly quite a task, as the challenge for a parent is to detect and adjust to each and every circumstance fast. It needs a lot of understanding, love, trust and time to be there for them – no matter what time of the day or night, without raising your voice, painful or humiliating words or threats, as they do not work.
The above is what I jokingly called “popping in the Valium”, as the best way to surf through these years is to keep cool and stay calm.
[Daphne – I raised three teenagers, all boys, none of them shy and retiring types, and all born within the space of 2.5 years, which means that at any one time they were 13, 14 and 15, then 14, 15 and 16, then 15, 16, and 17, then 16, 17 and 18 – so quite frankly, there is little anyone can teach me about the subject. As for teenage girls, I grew up in a house with four of them and went to a school with 300 of them, so there again, nothing much to learn.
You don’t joke about Valium. It’s not funny. The full extent of the damage done by Valium is horrendous. Most of it is brain and nerve damage, which shows up after years, and Valium addiction is as dangerous and debilitating as heroin addiction, only legal and less expensive. Exactly how do you communicate messages to your teenagers about the dangers of drugs when you’re popping one of the most dangerous and addictive drugs in existence yourself? A bit like all those parents puffing away like chimneys and then telling their children not to smoke.]
Should you, however, still not be able to agree with me on the above – now, that I explained it in more details – then you must be either living in complete denial or else are/were to busy with your own career not to notice these things.
As for my personal parental skills, I can assure you that I took my job as a full-time mother very serious and my children thanked me countless times for not following up my career, but being there for them and plenty of their friends 24/7.
[Daphne – I’ve taken note of the bitchy resentment and your wish to feel better than me by believing I was too busy with my career to take note of my children. The facts are to the contrary, and even though I say it myself, they have turned out remarkably well, certainly way above average. I put it down to the fact that I worked and went to university full-time when they were already around, so they had a good example in terms of work ethic. I have noticed that the children of stay-at-home mothers tend to be lazier – this is a generalisation, but there is a noticeable trend. Now that I have bitched you back (you certainly asked for it), may I just add that Valium is associated with stay-at-home mothers, and for good reason. Women with proper distractions rarely develop anxiety disorders.]
http://www.tvm.com.mt/news/ghada-tibda-l-kumpilazzoni-fil-konfront-ta-erin-tanti/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=facebook
Tranquillisers, such as Valium, as well as sleeping pills or any other addictive substances are only available with a special doctor’s prescription: the green government form, which contains all details including the full address and ID card number of the patient.
So if you really want to know who is taking all these tranquillizers in Malta, I suggest that you phone up the office of statistics or the Health Department as they should have a record of who is taking them and – perhaps even more interesting for you: who prescribed them in the first place.
Rest assure that you will not find my name on that record.
[Daphne – Why would I do that? I have absolutely no interest in knowing who takes Valium; all that interests me is the statistics. As somebody who has been out of the workforce for rather a long time (sorry to rub it in), the distinction might be hard for you to understand: that it’s the numbers which interest a journalist whereas the identity of the takers might interest a housewife to have further scope for bitching. Incidentally, I know exactly how they are prescribed and distributed. I worked in the pharmaceuticals distribution business for some years. My point here is that doctors should not prescribe such very dangerous drugs so casually, which they do.]