Here’s a use for Malta’s disproportionately large number of w*nkers

Published: June 28, 2014 at 7:30pm

The Independent (London) reports that Britain is facing a major sperm shortage. Our government should start an export drive to Britain, using an empty factory allocated by Malta Enterprise. It should have differently decorated production rooms (I can advise on this) – for example, one papered entirely with images of roosters and another lined with multiple screens playing videos of Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando’s many television monologues on a loop.

I have plenty of other personalised decorative ideas, but am in a bit of a rush.

sperm shortage




20 Comments Comment

  1. Osservatore says:

    We could contribute to this shortage by relocating our houses of parliament lock stock and barrel to Westminster. Given our colonial history, this would not be an entirely new experience for Malta. It would also have the additional benefit of freeing up both the old palace armoury as well as the Piano project for purposes that are more deserving of these two magnificent buildings.

  2. iced bun says:

    Maltese w*nkers shouldn’t be allowed to breed.

  3. minn mars says:

    Cyrus Engerer can help with the decoration.

  4. silvio says:

    They should set up a company: Malta W Nakers Ltd. It might be eligible for Eur400,000 of EU funding.

    It would be nice if all British babies born would have a label: Product of Malta W Nkers Ltd.

  5. Manuel says:

    And Chris Fearne can call it the Wankfeeding Programme.

  6. ken il malti says:

    There is a spooge drought in Britain ?

    Did Elton John corner the market or something ?

  7. ciccio says:

    Another excellent opportunity for Joseph Muscat to think outside the box and balance the budget, with a Tuesday morning cabinet meeting from which Helena Dalli will have to be excused.

  8. Joe Fenech says:

    They’ll be stuffed if they set a minimum required height.

    • M says:

      That depends, if the question about IQ comes sooner, they would not get as far as the height question. They would be left wondering what the h*** IQ is.

  9. Direct says:

    Il-General Wankers Union taqbel sa kemm min japplika ma jinqabadx f’ pozizzjoni prekarja.

  10. Vagabond King says:

    Cyrus Engerer already has the photos to put up. But then he might have his suspended sentence revoked and sent to jail, where he can still be the Prime Minister’s advisor on EU affairs!

  11. Gez says:

    Most of those who voted PL and got foxtrot alpha might want to volunteer an enema

  12. Ivan says:

    Joe Grima would have a problem getting past the enormous overhang of his belly.

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