Slumdott Millionaire, a play by Matthew S
FOREWORD
Truly minn qiegħ il-mandraġġ u lesti jqaxxru qamla għal sold.
The minister can easily afford a babysitter. The driver can easily let the mechanic and insurance companies deal with any car damage. The minister can easily get access to a replacement car if he needs one: the driver will just be driving a different car and the minister’s backside getting used to a differently cushioned seat for a little while.
So why do they persist in acting in this manner? Because their mentality is truly slumdog. It’s so slumdog that I can hear them jivventilaw in my mind.
ACT ONE, SCENE ONE
Da crib in Hastings.
Codruta: Yo, Manuel, ah need alone tyme wif muh motha fuckin Faberge earrings an’ dinky necklaces. Wot yo gonna do wid dis kid? Yo nanny charges too much.
Manuel: Muh motha fuckin driver can take her ta his mama’s crib.
Romanian skivvy: Yo miss – square full o dem political niggas tawkin shit bout negative. Place full o dem TV people so couldna get no water from da fountain. What my gonna do wid dis can, mam?
ACT ONE, SCENE TWO
Da Sheenan crib in Gzira.
Giovanna: Damn, dis here baby beotch won’t stop crying. She don’ seem ta like any o’ da Eurovision songs.
Paul: Why not give da beotch some Red Bull? Dat puts her in place.
Giovanna: Goddamn, da Eurovision has had uh blackout
(While everyone is waiting for the lights to come back on, a clang is heard outside.)
Patrick: Wut dat noise outside?
(Patrick goes to check.)
Patrick: Yo, Paul, come quick, dey prang Manuel’s `64.
Paul: Let’s go git dem motherfuckers.
ACT ONE, SCENE THREE
Da Wied Il-Kappara hood.
Paul, waving gun out of window: Yo, you! Stop, yo beotchin motherfucker.
(Man stops car, because he has no choice.)
Paul: What ‘chew trippin foo’?
Man: Sorry about that. I got a bit distracted and didn’t see your car.
Paul: X’cuse you? What da fuck? Do you know who ah be?
Man: Er, sorry, but I don’t. Maybe you’d bet put that gun away.
Paul: Do you know who dat `64 belongs ta?
Man: Sorry again but I don’t. Look, why don’t you just put that gun away?
Paul: Gun away? Dat’s Manuel Mallia’s `64.
Man: Oh I know him. He’s my lawyer.
Paul: Yo, is you kidding? Yo havin me on. Manuel Mallia iz da minister fo’ National Security. He’s king o’ da court, ruler o’ da pond an’ one leap short o’ becoming uh general. Qisu boss, man. Il-kink.
Man: Just give him my name and he’ll be fine. In any case, I think the insurance companies can sort it all out easily. It’s not like I’m denying anything.
Paul: Nahh way. We’s sort things out like real niggas. (Raises Glock and fingers the trigger. Man scrambles into car and speeds off. Paul fires twice and hits car.)
Patrick: Chase da’ fool. Quick. Ah’ll go back ta mama’s crib.
ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR
Back at da Sheenan crib in Nicolas Cottoner Lane.
Patrick: Yo, mama, Paul’s smok’d da nigga.
Giovanna: While you niggas is skankin’ around wid guns, ah’m left here wif da minister’s baby.
Patrick: Damn it, just give her mo’ Red Bull. Ah’ going ta page Kurt.
Kurt Farrugia: Wod da fuck ‘sup now?
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Those niggas are a laugh a minute.
Yo mama is so fat she don’t pack heat but an entire power station.
Let’s leave Kontract Mizzi’s mother out of this, shall we?
And Franco Debobo’s too, lest he attacks Austin Gatt because of his “pretty wife” again.
If Muscat was to resign does he have to call an election? Can Mallia become PM without being elected ?
Muscat is not going to resign any time soon, but in answer to your question: KMB became Prime Minister without an election.
Ironical cross party links.
Truly hilarious!
Kurt Farrugia: Wod da fuck ‘sup now?
Does Kurt Farrugia remember when he first knew of the whole story?
His prime minister doesn’t remember when he received the first telephone call. It’s not that long ago. Where was he when things were happening a caldo? He may have been ventilating.
“minn qiegħ il-mandraġġ”
No matter the chances given to “peoples” in life by those wishing to help and mentor, “peoples” revert to form at the soonest opportunity.
This is how he’s always been referred to.
Now for a precision point, is it Gzira or Msida? To my knowledge, it’s Msida.
An alternative title would be more appropriate: SCUMDOG MILLIONAIRE.
Excellent piece by Ivan Fenech:
http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20141125/opinion/Wanted-Prime-Minister.545611
Manuel Mallia, the new Eminem. Will the real PM please stand up, please stand up.
“The driver can easily let the …… insurance companies deal with any car damage.”
Government cars are not insured. Therefore, should they be involved in a car accident with person X and it’s the GM driver’s fault, person X has to pay for his damages.
[Daphne – I’m not quite sure that’s the situation when the cars are leased from commercial outfits. Government-OWNED cars are not insured, certainly, but that car has AQZ plates, which means it is leased.]