Next time you choose a head of state, make sure that he or she has gravitas

This island is literally sinking under the all-pervasive weight of hamallagni, right up to the head of state.

“Maaaa, how cool, the president is riding pillion, ta. And look her husband, riding pillion too, how sweet!”

The days when I used to say ‘Kill me now’ are long gone. Now I just think, ‘Take them out and have them shot.’

I suppose we should be grateful that our head of state is now fat, stroma, 60 and belatedly married, because otherwise we would have a whole sackload of other problems to contend with.

Her hunger for attention is insatiable.