Our Queen – the Running Commentary version (1)

Published: February 10, 2016 at 12:20pm
Here I am with my spouse, Joseph. We are going to a state dinner in honour of my rival, the Queen of England. My dressmaker was looking through old photographs of Eva Peron and found one in which she is wearing a white fur cape and black evening gown 65 years ago. I think the combination still looks fashionable and stylish. Eva Peron's was made by Chanel. Mine is by Fersani of Malta.

Here I am with my spouse, Joseph. We are going to a state dinner in honour of my rival, the Queen of England. My dressmaker was looking through old photographs of Eva Peron and found one in which she is wearing a white fur cape and black evening gown 65 years ago. I think the combination still looks fashionable and stylish. Eva Peron’s was made by Chanel. Mine is by Fersani of Malta.

Here I am with my spouse again, Joseph. He is the Prime Minister of Malta and I am the Spouse of the Prime Minister of Malta. He is off to be important with his friend David Cameron and I am going to host a luncheon for very important ladies like Suha Arafat at my husband's office in the Auberge de Castille. My outfit by Fersani is inspired by Wallis Simpson (you can't be too rich or too thin) and Charles Chaplin.

Here I am with my spouse again, Joseph. He is the Prime Minister of Malta and I am the Spouse of the Prime Minister of Malta. He is off to be important with his friend David Cameron and I am going to host a luncheon for very important ladies like Suha Arafat at my husband’s office in the Auberge de Castille. My outfit by Fersani is inspired by Wallis Simpson (you can’t be too rich or too thin) and Charles Chaplin.

Here you see me with Suha Arafat, the widow of a very famous terrorist called Yasser Arafat. I like meeting famous people and becoming friends with them. Suha Arafat is a nice friend - she invited me to her daughter's university graduation and I went. Fersani skinned a purple leopard to make me this very stylish dress.

Here you see me with Suha Arafat, the widow of a very famous terrorist called Yasser Arafat. I like meeting famous people and becoming friends with them. Suha Arafat is a nice friend – she invited me to her daughter’s university graduation and I went. Fersani skinned a purple leopard to make me this very stylish dress.

A nasty paparazzo took this picture and I am really annoyed. I was going to Gozo in peace and quiet with my family friend Mark Mallia, deputy commander of the Armed Forces of Malta, while my spouse Joseph was on important government business watching waterpolo in another country, and the paparazzi just won't leave me alone.

A nasty paparazzo took this picture and I am really annoyed. I was going to Gozo in peace and quiet with my family friend Mark Mallia, deputy commander of the Armed Forces of Malta, while my spouse Joseph was on important government business watching waterpolo in another country, and the paparazzi just won’t leave me alone.

This is one of the most important moments of my life with Joseph. We are on a walkabout like the Queen of England, on our way to the Palace for the opening of the first parliament with my Joseph as prime minister. I was very happy with this syoot but then somebody on a blog realised it was knocked off from a Dolce & Gabbana design and that the buttons are on the wrong side.

This is one of the most important moments of my life with Joseph. We are on a walkabout like the Queen of England, on our way to the Palace for the opening of the first parliament with my Joseph as prime minister. I was very happy with this syoot but then somebody on a blog realised it was knocked off from a Dolce & Gabbana design and that the buttons are on the wrong side.

Here I am meeting some schoolchildren. I went to this school because I am going to build headquarters for my Marigold Foundation on land owned by the nuns who run the school, so obviously I have to suck up to them a bit. Heqq, x'taghmel hu?

Here I am meeting some schoolchildren. I went to this school because I am going to build headquarters for my Marigold Foundation on land owned by the nuns who run the school, so obviously I have to suck up to them a bit. Heqq, x’taghmel hu?

Today I have gone visiting with Rosianne Cutajar, the new communications coordinator in the office of my spouse, Joseph. They say she used to advertise on an escort site in Catania before she went into politics, and she's quite pushy, but luckily my spouse, Joseph, is not interested in women. I should know.

Today I have gone visiting with Rosianne Cutajar, the new communications coordinator in the office of my spouse, Joseph. They say she used to advertise on an escort site in Catania before she went into politics, and she’s quite pushy, but luckily my spouse, Joseph, is not interested in women. I should know.

In this photo you can see me wearing a beautiful ball gown by Fersani of Malta. I think I really look like a queen here - my public expects it, so I try not to let them down. Unfortunately my spouse, Joseph (the Prime Minister), is not so impressed. When I came downstairs in my ball gown, he just said "Ejja, tlaqna jew?" I have learned not to be disappointed.

In this photo you can see me wearing a beautiful ball gown by Fersani of Malta. I think I really look like a queen here – my public expects it, so I try not to let them down. Unfortunately my spouse, Joseph (the Prime Minister), is not so impressed. When I came downstairs in my ball gown, he just said “Ejja, tlaqna jew?” I have learned not to be disappointed.

This outfit by Fersani of Malta is simply fabulous. I wore this to the polo, because they told me that dressing up for polo matches is something only hamalli do. So Maria of Fersani suggested some 1940s-style poolside pyjamas and headband with a wrap. I got lots of compliments from Michael Zammit Tabona, my Joseph's ambassador to Finland.

This outfit by Fersani of Malta is simply fabulous. I wore this to the polo, because they told me that dressing up for polo matches is something only hamalli do. So Maria of Fersani suggested some 1940s-style poolside pyjamas and headband with a wrap. I got lots of compliments from Michael Zammit Tabona, my Joseph’s ambassador to Finland.

Here I am with Mary Grace Pisani of Fersani! She makes me such nice clothes - and everything for free!

Here I am with Mary Grace Pisani of Fersani! She makes me such nice clothes – and everything for free!

I really admire Eva Peron. Poor peasants really loved her. They clapped and cheered when she used public money to buy clothes from Chanel in France and then threw pennies at them from the windows of the Casa Rosada. I wonder if my spouse, Joseph, will agree to letting me buy Chanel clothes off his office budget. Sometimes I get a bit tired of Fersani of Malta.

I really admire Eva Peron. Poor peasants really loved her. They clapped and cheered when she used public money to buy clothes from Chanel in France and then threw pennies at them from the windows of the Casa Rosada. I wonder if my spouse, Joseph, will agree to letting me buy Chanel clothes off his office budget. Sometimes I get a bit tired of Fersani of Malta.

This is another lovely dress by Fersani of Malta. The back has lace cut-outs so I went for a back-scrub first. I am also wearing a very nice up-style which I think is very elegant. I am with my friend Sunita Mukhi, who covers clutch-bags in crystals, and we are talking to a real prince.

This is another lovely dress by Fersani of Malta. The back has lace cut-outs so I went for a back-scrub first. I am also wearing a very nice up-style which I think is very elegant. I am with my friend Sunita Mukhi, who covers clutch-bags in crystals, and we are talking to a real prince.

My clothes adviser thought it would be a good idea to wear 'nude' because it is the latest fashion. Now that I am standing here, I am not so sure. Just in case Joseph forgets who I am, my friend Sunita has made me a bag with my name on it. I really like it. It's very sparkly.

My clothes adviser thought it would be a good idea to wear ‘nude’ because it is the latest fashion. Now that I am standing here, I am not so sure. Just in case Joseph forgets who I am, my friend Sunita has made me a bag with my name on it. I really like it. It’s very sparkly.

This is my friend Carmen Ciantar. Insomma, we didn't really know each other, but then Joseph, my spouse, told me when he became leader "Ara li taqbad ma' dik ta' Pullicino Orlando halli insiru close mieghu u flimkien naqilghu t-trouble ghall-gvern ta' Gonzi." And I did what my spouse told me because like him I wanted power.

This is my friend Carmen Ciantar. Insomma, we didn’t really know each other, but then Joseph, my spouse, told me when he became leader “Ara li taqbad ma’ dik ta’ Pullicino Orlando halli insiru close mieghu u flimkien naqilghu t-trouble ghall-gvern ta’ Gonzi.” And I did what my spouse told me because like him I wanted power.

Here we are going in to the August Moon Ball, but we have just had a fight and I don't feel like being nice to people or smiling. I don't think this dress and earrings are a good idea but I have to wear red for Labour sometimes.

Here we are going in to the August Moon Ball, but we have just had a fight and I don’t feel like being nice to people or smiling. I don’t think this dress and earrings are a good idea but I have to wear red for Labour sometimes.

I was rushing out to this event near the water when I realised that with all the swim-training my upper arms had grown even bigger than they normally are. I couldn't get the sleeves of my blouse on! So I took a pair of scissors and chopped out the shoulders. There wasn't time to hem the holes but who cares. Sometimes you have to slum it so that your public thinks you are just like them.

I was rushing out to this event near the water when I realised that with all the swim-training my upper arms had grown even bigger than they normally are. I couldn’t get the sleeves of my blouse on! So I took a pair of scissors and chopped out the shoulders. There wasn’t time to hem the holes but who cares. Sometimes you have to slum it so that your public thinks you are just like them.

I swam the Gozo Channel! Manuel Mallia was so jealous. He hadn't thought of this clever way of saving on the ferry fare. Instead he registered himself as living at Ta' Cenc while Codruta is registered as living in Valletta.

I swam the Gozo Channel! Manuel Mallia was so jealous. He hadn’t thought of this clever way of saving on the ferry fare. Instead he registered himself as living at Ta’ Cenc while Codruta is registered as living in Valletta.

This picture was taken before I got Mary Grace to advise me about clothes and make them. I was going for the Jackie Kennedy look. My spouse, Joseph, remained indifferent. But then you know what I told him? Ismi hej, lanqas li int xi Jack Kennedy, ta.

This picture was taken before I got Mary Grace to advise me about clothes and make them. I was going for the Jackie Kennedy look. My spouse, Joseph, remained indifferent. But then you know what I told him? Ismi hej, lanqas li int xi Jack Kennedy, ta.

Here I am going shopping with my friend. The paparazzi won't leave me alone. I am chased by people with smartphones wherever I am. My public adores me.

Here I am going shopping with my friend. The paparazzi won’t leave me alone. I am chased by people with smartphones wherever I am. My public adores me.

My bag by my friend Sunita. I love it! And it was free.

My bag by my friend Sunita. I love it! And it was free.

In this photo I am with the spouse of Matteo Renzi. He is like Joseph, but of Italy. She found me very interesting.

In this photo I am with the spouse of Matteo Renzi. He is like Joseph, but of Italy. She found me very interesting.

This is my close friend Ray Azzopardi of Super One. I asked my spouse, Joseph, to make him ambassador to Belgium, and Joseph said yes! Ray was so happy and I was happy for Ray. All those years with a microphone at our mass meetings - he deserved something in return.

This is my close friend Ray Azzopardi of Super One. I asked my spouse, Joseph, to make him ambassador to Belgium, and Joseph said yes! Ray was so happy and I was happy for Ray. All those years with a microphone at our mass meetings – he deserved something in return.

This is before the people of Malta, my public who adore me, bought me a Chevrolet. Those paparazzi again!

This is before the people of Malta, my public who adore me, bought me a Chevrolet. Those paparazzi again!