Live blog: the Prime Minister on Dissett

Now that it is over, you should read this. And then read this.

I’ve just started watching and I’m irritated already at the sight of him: that weird ‘hair’ and the off-putting smirk. I’ll take a deep breath and control myself, so as to be able to listen without being distracted by what a total antipatika tad-daqqiet ta’ harta he is. Does this sound unprofessional? What can I say? At this stage, so what.

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Unbelievable. The Prime Minister has just said that he took action when the news broke about Konrad Mizzi’s company in Panama and trust in New Zealand. Oh good heavens, now he’s bluffing about how the Commissioner of Revenue can get information about the company because “we have agreements with New Zealand”.

Now he’s saying that investigations are on-going to see whether his Minister had money in that company and whether he took it out and whether it is somewhere else. Which begs the question: WHY ON EARTH HAS HE KEPT HIM IN SITU IF HE IS BEING INVESTIGATED FOR MONEY-LAUNDERING?

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“Keith Schembri is my great friend and Konrad Mizzi is my great friend, but my interests are those of the people and we are not relying on their word. We are investigating Mizzi. We are not investigating Schembri because his case is different. He is a successful businessman.”

Total tosh. If he is really investigating him, he would have asked him to resign. Looks like he came geared up to lie again. And what sort of successful businessman is Schembri? The Times of Malta reported on his populated assets this morning – or rather, what appears in the filed accounts at the Malta Financial Services Authority. His companies have posted larges losses every years since 2011 – and that on an annual turnover of many millions.

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Now he is asking “why the Nationalist Party released this story now”. And that Laburist Reno Bugeja did not interrupt him to say that THE NATIONALIST PARTY DID NOT RELEASE THE STORY. I DID. THE NATIONALIST PARTY DID NOT HAVE THE INFORMATION.

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“The Nationalist Party released the information now because they knew that Konrad Mizzi was going to declare the company in Panama in his list of assets in parliament.”

My God, what a liar. I don’t think I am going to be able to stay calm while watching this dreadful set-up of an interview show.

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“Konrad Mizzi was politically naïve.”

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“I personally hurt and upset by this matter. I am upset because the individuals involved are sincere and genuine. It is just that the advice they were given was financially correct by politically ill-advised.”

Jaqq. Kemm hu giddieb.

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The Spouse forgot to iron his neck-tie. Why is his suit black?

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“Here you have before you a Prime Minister who has done something no other Prime Minister has done before: ask for resignations from the cabinet. But I must have evidence.”

You have the evidence, buster. Your minister set up a secret company in Panama when he was a government minister already.

Now he’s suggesting that the Opposition “dahlet shab” to invent this story. The man is out of his mind. He is so obviously involved with them. Why form a gang to rob banks when you can form a gang to get into government and do the obvious?

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Out out out – if he was trying to pick up a girl in a bar she would realise immediately he was sleazing her up.

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Reno Bugeja’s gloves are not just made of kid. They’re also lined with cashmere. A few days ago I discovered that he is failed Labour candidate Chris Cilia’s uncle (his mother’s brother). That figures. No wonder he’s behaving like a polite dinner guest instead of Jeremy Paxman.

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I don’t like this man. I don’t like either of them. My woman’s-alarm-antennae are jangling and beeping like crazy here. A WhatsApp message from a woman friend has just beeped in. ‘HE MAKES ME SICK’. And she’s gay.

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More messages from women friends:

‘I think he’s on drugs. Legal stuff.’

‘There’s something even stranger than usual about him.’

‘His eyes are dead.’

‘He is shaking his leg under the table. Focus on his jacket near the bottom button and watch it move.’

Women really love this guy, don’t they. We have him marked down as a creep. Sidles up to us at the bar, we make our excuses and move away. No wonder he’s stuck with the gay men.

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“Ten per cent of Labour voters say they will not vote at all at the next election,” Bugeja tells him. “I think more than that right now, after a week of such bad weather,” he replies. And he smirks. “I should have reacted better and earlier.” But only just this morning he was turning his back on a reporters and saying: “Why don’t you ask me about Ann Fenech.” Liar. I wouldn’t trust him with a ten-cent coin.

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On the plus side: he’s lost a lot of weight in these last two weeks. Diet plan: have your henchmen’s Panama plans rumbled.

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I can’t take this horseshit and we’re only halfway through the show. Now he’s bellyaching about he plans to review the way chairmen of state corporations are chosen. Bit late for that. After three years of cronyism he’s going to pretend to do something.

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Dear God, they’ve resurrected Godfrey Grima for a comment. Bear in mind that the Fat Controller’s brother supported that sleaze Muscat all the way. Apparently none of this is Muscat’s fault. Events have simply befallen him. Nixon didn’t expect to have to contend with Watergate, did he? Get back into your cupboard, Godfrey. Qisek huk.

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A message from one of my sisters: “It’s not just his tie. His shirt isn’t ironed either.”

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Now he’s going on about L-Iskandlu Tal-Zejt. Let’s fly with the Malta Today agenda, shall we. The real skandlu taz-zejt is in Baku.

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More messages (dawn in-nisa ukoll):

“He has a side parting down his temples. Gelled wisps.”

“Tas-swat.”

“He’s lost weight, but not his sausage fingers.”

“I can’t stand to watch him so I’m following your live blog instead.”

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Now they’ve got an interview clip with Michael Falzon (of Swissleaks fame) to see what he thinks about the fabulous performance of Muscat’s government. Irony is not in these people’s thesaurus. The Prime Minister has just been banging on sarcastically about “Ministri Nazzjonalisti b’kont fi Svizzera.” But obviously not Michael Falzon. Obviously, Austin Gatt.

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Now we are talking about the immensely hot topic and pressing issue of IVF. The Prime Minister is facing calls for the resignation of his minister and chief of staff (to say nothing of his – which would mean the dissolution of parliament and an early election) – and he’s discussing in vitro fertilisation.

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He’s boasting about how he sold Enemalta Corporation to the dictators in China, where Konrad Mizzi’s wife has fcuked off to (casual blog post, casual language). He thinks he is so smart for having done that. His tie-knot is crooked. Gie bin-notes u l-folder, hej. Notes on lies.

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He’s just mentioned Louis Grech, his deputy prime minister. What, you mean he’s still alive and in Malta? There hasn’t been a sighting for weeks – or is it months?

Ian Borg and EU funds – and Chris Cilia’s uncle doesn’t snap right in and say, “So what are you doing about Borg’s involvement in that other scandal?” Ma tarax. Ahna friends, hi. That’s more important than being professional. After all, retirement approaches and we don’t need more hassles in our old age, do we.

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He’s so unstatesmanlike. All the non-hamalli who voted for him must be nuts or blind. Or stupid. Probably the last, which is generally the case. I don’t feel like being polite this evening. They’ve inflicted this sod and his corrupt henchmen on Malta and now they’re flapping around saying they were “tricked”. Tricked, my eye. He couldn’t have been a more obvious conman if he had CONMAN lit up in pink neon on his head.

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The messages from my women friends are now taking on shades of violence. I don’t think I shall carry on reporting them. Bottom line: this man is not a sex-magnet. The girls are not into him. He seems to epitomise every bad boyfriend every woman has ever had, every man we’re tried to avoid.

“So ghastly I almost miss Sant,” said one of the milder messages.

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Now he’s speaking earnestly and he sounds false. WHAT? He’s just said THAT HE SAVED THE BANKS FROM BANKRUPTCY. What banks? What bankruptcy? When, what, how and where? Chris Cilia’s uncle appears not at all keen to find out. Did somebody say ‘interviewer’?

Now he’s asking him about where the money has gone from the sale of passports. ZIPPPP. Muscat avoids the question and starts talking about how he cut income tax. An impressive non sequitur. Chris Cilia’s uncle lets him get away with it. Because we’re friends.

Now he’s talking about the European Commission. Apparently, people think it’s in his pocket. I’ll be frank – I would much rather be watching Ann Fenech on Net, but she’s not the Prime Minister so I’m stuck with this.

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Hot topic now: football clubs and where to build them. Because there’s not enough land in Malta. But hang on, there’s Zonqor Point. The Prime Minister says “the American University of Malta” and Chris Cilia’s uncle butts in: “You can’t say university.”

“Don’t worry, it’s going to be a university,” the Prime Minister says. “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” What a nerve. Thank God it’s over – now to Net TV.