Malta’s Law Commissioner: King of the Dung-Heap, by H. P. Baxxter

The Law Commissioner is a classic example of cuc int, imma icwec minnek minn hatrek (you’re an idiot, but those who appointed you are more idiotic still).

I will keep this simple so the fool can understand. His ultimate justification for just about everything since late 2012 has been that the other lot were corrupt, and he, with his sharp brain and his youthful indignation steeped in jurisprudence, wanted only to set things right. “Riforma!” he screeches.

It takes a special kind of catastrophic imbecility to delude oneself that badly. What did Franco Debono think would happen once Labour were in power? That corruption would disappear and Malta would get the modern, forward-looking, just and intelligent government that it’s been crying out for? That society would henceforth be run by the righteous and just? That haxi would turn into ploughshares? Perhaps he thought the bazuzli kriminali would be charged, tried, and jailed.

What a stupid man he is. But he should take heart, for there are legions of them.

He read my piece, with difficulty I suppose, and missed the entire point. Without a shred of self-awareness or embarrassment, he chimed in with his silly ‘right of reply’, saying it reflects the writer’s confused mind. What an idiot.

His hero Peter Serracino Inglott – the Law Commissioner was effusive in his praise when Serracino Inglott wrote the foreword to his piece of drivel – some years ago wrote the libretto to an opera by Charles Camilleri, called ‘Zebra’. It was just a series of dissonant notes and incoherent phrases. He won’t get it, of course. I suppose he thinks J.K. Rowling really believes in magic wands and flying broomsticks, just like avid readers of Mr Bedingfield’s website do.

The Law Commissioner appears to think he’s achieved something, but he’s achieved jack shit. And he’s in control of bugger all. Joseph Muscat exploited him all right. But he’s not someone Muscat would entertain in the woodshed. So he made him Law Commissioner instead. That way Franco Debono can stay among his own crowd and out of the glamorous parties at Girgenti Palace, Verdala Palace, Villa Francia, Dubai, Baku, and Shanghai. We don’t want to sully our glitz by appearing next to nerds from the sticks.

Muscat too is a rahli. But for marketing purposes, he wanted to look metrosexually sophisticated. The Law Commissioner is not gay, or hip, or good-looking, or from a smart social background, or glossy mag material. He’s not from the Sorbonne, and he cannot nibble gingerbread in that special Cosmo way.

I’ll spell it out for Debono: he peaked at member of the Maltese parliament and Law Commissioner on a tiny island microstate. Law Commissioner of a sovereign microstate. In other words, he is a nobody, and he achieved nothing. It’s time these pompous prats were knocked off their pedestal.

This goes for many of the Law Commissioner’s colleagues, all the way up to the head of state. They and their microscopically tiny world of Il-Parlament, Kastilja, MLP, PN, il-prim’awla, columns in the weekly newspapers, Carm and RCC and Simon and Joseph, their abysmal piss-poor English and their ridiculous Maltese bombast peppered with Italianisms, their theatrical congeniality on and off Facebook – they make me sick. They’re holding Malta back. They are a blight on Maltese society.

This is not about Franco Debono. This is about the twisted, abnormal, perverted mess of a country that deems it fit that morons like him should occupy the highest positions in the land.

I’ll put it in language which – judging by his feverish cutting and pasting – the Law Commissioner is able to understand.

Il-Poplu Malti – Mozzjoni Nru. 1 dwar it-tkeccija jew ir-rizenja fi zmien 24 siegha tal-Kummissarju Tal-Ligijiet.
Il-Poplu Malti jipproponi li:

PERESS ILLI din ir-Repubblika ma gietx imwaqqfa biex teqred il-gid komuni u titnejjek bic-cittadini taghha,

PERESS ILLI wara hamsin sena indipendenza u erbghin sena repubblika, u STANTE LI issa ninsabu fl-2016 u it’s about frigging time li Malta ssir pajjiz normali u modern,

PERESS ILLI l-generazzjoni taghna rat id-dinja, u tirrealizza kull gurnata ta’ hajjitha kemm ahna pajjiz tan-nejk, abnormali u ridikolu,

PERESS ILLI wasal iz-zmien li l-generazzjoni tieghek titghallem xi tfisser crowded marketplace u job competition,

PERESS ILLI inti m’ghandekx la s-social skills, la l-intellett, la l-language skills, la l-inteligenza, la l-forza tal-karattru, u lanqas it-temperament biex tizvolgi x-xoghol ta’ Law Commissioner,

GHALDAQSTANT NIPPROPONU li tigi mkecci minn xoghlok minnufih. Inkella li tirrizenja fi zmien 24 siegha.Irrizenja. Int u dak il-mahmug korrott ta’ gvern li hatrek.