For one night only he had a massive audience, and he blew it (ooops, wrong verb)

And he blew it. What’s more, like all good prostitutes, he was paid to blow it. All people saw was an ineffectual person who couldn’t even untangle his own thoughts, let alone speak a straight sentence, whose line of questioning was incoherent, who missed all the questions people wanted asked, and who actively licked the soles of Chris HardOnA’s shoes while barely allowing the deputy leader of the Opposition to speak.

To make things even more unprofessional, Balzan engaged in a mutual axe-grinding session with the Minister about ‘that person’ (me), for all the world as though I’m the minister who goes running around to brothels and strip clubs.

What is the opposite of a circle-wank – an apposite reference, given that we’re talking about Chris Cardona’s exploits with his EU presidency policy officer? Because that’s what Cardona and Balzan were up to in my regard. And they were totally pathetic, as men generally are in such circumstances, on television or off it: two middle-aged men bitching about a woman who thinks they’re crap and says so.

Journalism? My eye. Saviour Balzan is hopelessly, but hopelessly, incompetent and inept. If that is a Malta Today show, then he should hand over to Matthew Vella, who would do a far better job, can speak and looks more presentable. But Balzan has a fragile ego to take care of, though it’s driving his unwatchable TV show into the ground.

Even as a public relations exercise for Christian Cardona, which is what it was clearly intended to be, last night’s performance (ooops) failed hopelessly. With that kind of thing, you’ve got to be super-sly and at least pretend to ask the right questions. Look at the way Reno Bugeja pulls it off. But Balzan was like the fabled Marquesa de Varela of Hello magazine, asking the lovely minister, who is always right, about his trials and tribulations at the hands of ill-wishers.

He couldn’t do any proper journalism, of course, because he started off from the premise that the Queen of Bile is lying about the poor, victimised Economy Minister, martyred on a cross of two bar-poles, for the sole purpose of ruining his life. Therefore Balzan must defend the poor, victimised HardOnA and his terribly vulnerable EU presidency policy officer from the Panzer tank assaults of di bile blocker.

Corrupt and sleazy government ministers, hopeless journalists on the public-service broadcaster, people rolling around in the trough, riding the gravy-train and raiding the public coffers – democracy is in peril, chaps. We are almost done for. In the United States they are actually talking about it in these terms. But here we think this kind of thing is normal, and there’s no debate at all.

In Saviour Balzan’s position, I’d have asked him whether he used a condom.