You are in charge of the government, Muscat. Go get the documents yourself.

The Prime Minister was at his most deceitfully fatuous tonight, challenging me to take my documents to the police.

This is the man who is actually in charge of the police, who can sack and appoint Police Commissioners, and who stops them from investigating people like John Dalli, his chief of staff, and Konrad Mizzi – and now, also himself.

This is the man who ignored and dismissed a thorough investigation by the Financial Intelligence Analysis Unit into the extracurricular activities of his chief of staff and Konrad Mizzi.

This is the man who sacked a Police Commissioner to protect John Dalli. This is the man who is ultimately in charge of all of Malta’s investigative authorities (because that’s how weak the checks and balances are in this country).

And he’s telling me to take documents to the police – while his chief of police eats rabbit in Mgarr and the Iranian chairman and owner (with four St Kitts & Nevis passports) hurriedly packs files into suitcases at Pilatus Bank and, helped by the bank’s Maltese risk manager, smuggles them out of the building – only to find a news crew waiting.

It was a stroke of luck that the news crew caught them – an unbelievable stroke of luck – but it’s a damn shame they didn’t know that the man they had caught sneaking documents out of the building, the man who refused to speak to them, was the actual owner of the bank. And they would never have imagined it was – who would have thought it.

I was watching the film on television and said, completely startled, “Oh my God, that’s actually Hasheminejad. That’s the man who owns the bank – the shifty Iranian with the assorted St Kitts & Nevis passports. The chairman of the bank is smuggling files out of the bank. And my God, that’s his risk manager with him. This is madness. The Malta Financial Services Authority gave a banking licence to this?”