Russians, Americans: they can’t even get their conspiracy theories straightened out

Somebody called Mario Tabone Vassallo was on the Labour Party’s radio airwaves, saying that he has received letters claiming that I am “paid by the Americans” to “damage Muscat’s government”.

He was quick to add, probably fearing exposure to a suit for damages, that he doesn’t believe them, but added that “it could be possible”.

Can we get this straight? I’m working for the Russians: for Vladimir Putin, not for Donald Trump, for the KGB and not for the CIA. Joseph said so. Wasn’t Mr Tabone Vassallo listening? He’s got to get back on message.

Some advice: convene a meeting at Labour HQ and iron out the details of your conspiracy theories, because if I’m working for the CIA and the KGB at the same time, I’m likely to fall victim to a poison-tipped umbrella before long.

Any moment now and they’ll accuse me of conspiring with Karl Cini and Brian Tonna to frame them with Panama companies they never knew existed.