A nation of Vicky Pollards

Published: January 17, 2012 at 5:38pm

It’s so very depressing to remember that many, many Maltese are just like Vicky in Little Britain – just like her – and that they’re all over Facebook and gearing up to vote Labour.

Well, let’s be generous. You can’t really expect them to work out which is the better option, so they go on what their parents told them in 1976 and what Super One is telling them now.

Look at this exchange on Xarabank’s Facebook wall, which Antoine Vella posted in the comments section of this website.

———-

Marlene Spiteri:
ghandi unur najd li secret heart sec school kont imur ghax b ikolla tijak ma taf fejna injoranta naz mahruqa ghax demkom taht il blata
Sunday at 6:05pm • Like

Antoine Vella:
Marlene, inti għandek l-unur tgħid li kont tmur is-SECRET Heart School. Imma s-SECRET Heart School għandha unur tgħid li kont tmur int?
Sunday at 6:43pm • Like

Marlene Spiteri:
mela qbilt mijaj li ghandi inur li kont imur emm u educata ghax int qbist fin nofs defsa injorata u ghandi lunur najt li ghandi 3 it tfal il gmiel tahhom u nanna ta 3 angli li rabejtom b laqal tal gver laborista u li komplejna ingawdu l afarijiet li ghamel il
Sunday at 8:37pm • Like

Marlene Spiteri:
u li itom il pn qeddin thotu u tkisru dak li ghamel il gvern laborista il gvern ta malta u ghawdex taghna viva josegh muscat mexxej futur u vuva malta
Sunday at 8:40pm • Like

Antoine Vella:
Marlene, imma inti dyslexic? Għax fil-każ ma noqgħodx nikkritika l-kitba tiegħek.
Sunday at 10:06pm • Like

Marlene Spiteri:
kiem hi hadra karen din mix xjaten gejja ghanka bil mankamenti trid tbilli hbitajjar ghax ek imdori jaghmel il gvern tahha ta xara isfar xorta sirt nafa billi hbit wicca jien u keran ghana tfal ghanglie u madix ghalfejn tinheba wara wicca ara int tinheba ghax qisek qattusa
Sunday at 10:23pm • Like

[Note: Throughout this exchange, Marlene Spiteri was convinced that Antoine was a woman’s name. This is how she eventually realised it wasn’t:]

Marlene Spiteri:
taf kif sirt naf buffu ghax ghandek friend ragel jismu bhalek bek indunajt u isa ma nopsorx minek il kliem ta li hareg min fommok il mankamenti ek talimt antoine




39 Comments Comment

  1. Ian says:

    Oh dear!

  2. P Shaw says:

    There is something wrong in the Maltese education system.

    It produces a bunch of illiterate spoilt parrots, with no sense of judgement. They just parrot what Super One broadcasts and what other FB users say.

    This reality is very frustrating for me – a mature and stimulating conversation has become a luxury.

  3. Richard Borg says:

    Isn’t Antoine a lecturer at University?

    [Daphne – Yes.]

    • Antoine Vella says:

      At first I really thought she might be dyslexic and felt guilty of making fun of her writing but, apparently, it’s quite normal on Facebook.

  4. Vanni says:

    So this lady went to the Secret Heart sec school.

  5. Jozef says:

    Vuva Malta.

  6. La Redoute says:

    “rabbejthom b laqal tal-gvern laburista”

    Do we conclude that she survived on handouts financed by people who actually worked for a living or was that simply the Gaddafi money Joe Inkontri Grima boasted about?

  7. Qabadni l-Bard says:

    Impressive! Speechless! Horrified!
    (sorry I used three exclamation marks but the superlative fits in this case)

  8. Neil Dent says:

    Imma Marlene is a ‘mara inteligenti hafna’ according to her new friend ‘Keran’ (I found the whole conversation on the Xarabank FB page).

    This reminds me of a CV I received in application for a P/T position not more than two years ago. The young lady, of no more than 19 maybe, was currently working as a cleaner at ‘Mother Day hospital’. True story.

    She probably thought the big expensive sign saying ‘Mater Dei’ outside her place of work was a spelling mistake.

  9. pampalun says:

    What nation? Bring on the Young Ones.

  10. D Sullivan says:

    She wouldn’t say Sacred Heart SCHOOL either.

  11. Fidelio says:

    The Munich agreement.

    Without delving pointlessly into our European history too much, I would just like to make the following observation.

    In September 1938 prime minister Chamberlain did the unthinkable and agreed to the annexation of Czechoslovakia’s Sudetenland. It is now a known fact that this was a huge miscalculation on Chamberlain’s part, who in so doing, believed that this would appease Hitler and war would be avoided. Of course, what happened later belongs to our history books.

    I am making this point for the simple reason that I find what Lawrence Gonzi said regarding personal attacks on Franco Debono rather futile and think it does not bode well for the leadership of the Nationalist Party.

    It is now as evident as Joseph’s hair loss that nothing is going to appease Franco Debono or any other ambitious and arrogant party member, (today Malta, tomorrow the world).

    So why this mollycoddling? Does Lawrence Gonzi not realise that in the eyes of the electorate this move is going to be viewed as a weakness and not worthy of a strong leader’s character?

    It is exactly at times like these that true political leaders prove their mettle and in my humble opinion I believe that Lawrence Gonzi has no choice but to grab the bull by its horns, send Franco Debono to the mines where he belongs, and call an early election.

    As has happened in the past, the Nationalist Party has been elected, over and over, not solely on their political manifesto but more so on the cheap ploys and slip-ups of their largely un-educated opponents.

    I believe Gonzi should show more faith in himself, the party he represents and the electorate, and stop these shenanigans before it’s too late.

    Nobody in his sound mind would believe that there could be any reconciliation with Debono at this point and the Nationalist Party should recognise this, unless of course, Debono, Dalli and co. are right.

  12. Secret Heart Girl says:

    Yes but… no but… yes but…

    I can rarely say, hand on heart, that I am left speechless. It takes something to reduce me to that state.

    But yes, I mean, really, no but, yes but…. IS THIS TRUE? Move over Pollard… Marlene here just about takes the biscuit.

  13. cat says:

    U din lil min ser tbellahha li kienet is-Sacred Heart?

    • Not Tonight says:

      Ghandi xi idea li ma gemb il Kunvent tas-Sacred Heart kien hemm secondary school zghira tal-istat li kien jisimha Sacred Heart School. Qieghed jigini f’mohhi ukoll ir-‘Rosary School’, forsi l-istess haga.

      • Rita Camilleri says:

        It was the Rosary School, and many of them used to say they went to the Sacred Heart.

      • cat says:

        Kieku din veru marret is-Sacret Heart ibqa cert li s-sorijiet li hemm illum diga lesti biex jaghmlu suicidju meta jaraw dawn l-affarijiet u dawk li mietu min jaf x’jitqallbu fil-qabar.

    • mattie says:

      Forsi, lil dawk kollha li ghandhom il-lanzit ghal dawk li xi darba kienu studenti, illum saru nisa ta’ stoffa, li dak iz-zmien kellhom genituri, li ghalkemm zghar, hadu decizjonijiet tajbin ghalihom u baghtuhom fi skejjel fejn l-ewwel haga li titghallem hu li tkun responsabbli tieghek inniffsek u ta’ kull azzjoni tieghek, l-ewwel u qabel kollox, u mhux twahhal fil-gvern prezenti meta tibda tgorr zaqqek.

      • mattie says:

        This reply refers to cat’s question: “U din lil min ser tbellahha li kienet is-Sacred Heart?”

  14. Rover says:

    Marlene ta Secret Heart – she must be another ‘mara ta’ success’. John Bundy, please note.

  15. anthony says:

    If there are many more Marlenes around, the PL is heading for a landslide victory.

    I have a gut feeling that there actually are.

  16. Andre says:

    She refers to a learning disability as a “mankament”

    I sometimes think that the Labour Party still thinks in terms of “immankati”, “pufti” and “pogguti”.

    • cat says:

      Unfortunately that kind of thinking is part of Maltese culture.

      The last time I heard the word “immankat” in Malta was on the media by the “Maltese Father Christmas”.

  17. U Le! says:

    Try teaching a class of ‘Marlene Spiteris’. It must rank as one of the most thankless taks (could not help it) ever. Poor teachers.

  18. Claude Sciberras says:

    Either she never even went anywhere near “Secret Heart” or else the nuns have a lot of answering to do.

    • mattie says:

      She doesn’t sound like she did. Girls educated at the Convent of the Sacred Heart do not stoop to that level.

  19. Ghoxrin Punt says:

    Well, in my days, we always maintained that St. Dorothy’s was the better school.

    [Daphne – Indeed it was, but only academically and in terms of inculcating an attitude of independence and self-reliance. I’ve noticed that most St Dorothy’s ‘girls’ are, for want of a nicer word, ball-breakers. The actual building was horrendous and Dickensian, the conditions were miserable, and the facilities nonexistent. I took chemistry up to O-level without once setting foot in a lab, because there wasn’t one. And I learned how to dissect a frog on paper, but never actually got to dissect one (I would probably have refused to do it, anyway). There was no library, no playing-field, no recreational areas, and over the years I developed a pathological aversion to feeling cold, hungry or bored – and to inhospitable rooms devoid of colour. And whenever I see the colour called royal blue, it triggers a negative reaction. But there you are.]

    • mattie says:

      “Indeed it was, but only academically and in terms of inculcating an attitude of independence and self-reliance. I’ve noticed that most St Dorothy’s ‘girls’ are, for want of a nicer word, ball-breakers.”

      Indeed, they are.

      • mattie says:

        …and when things go wrong, as things often do in life, they blame themselves not the government or his administration.

  20. M. Bormann says:

    You’d think that, having gone to Sacred Heart, she’d known how to spell “sacred”. She probably pronounces “sacred” as “saykritt”… God…

  21. M. Bormann says:

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001957932948 — she actually even wrote “secret heartsec school” in her Facebook under the “Secondary school” section.

    Secret Heartsec is second only to Harvard Medical, I heard.

  22. Bern says:

    Jesus! Is this true? I know things can change but I can assure y’all we had no one like that when I was there! Haha bless her! Ignorance is bliss.

  23. J Abela says:

    Our very own Maltese-speaking Vicky Pollard. Hilarious.

  24. mattie says:

    “The Servant of God Mother M.Teresa Nuzzo founded the Congregation “Daughters of the Sacred Heart’’ in 1903. Together with other young ladies she taught catechism in schools and in some parishes.

    It was one of the main aims of the foundress to impart education to children based on love and truth. Today the Sisters have two Kindergarten Schools in Hamrun and Zejtun and a Primary School at Marsa. They have a children’s Home at Zurrieq and a Day Centre for children in Zejtun and Mellieha. They also take active part in teaching catechism, academic and technical subjects to the children.

    _______________________________
    This refers to the school in Marsa.

  25. Izzie says:

    Thanks for keeping this post so alive, my sides are aching having laughed so much. I did pry into the Facebook account of our dear Marlene. If her political ideas are as good as her writing, my God, we need not wonder why our country is in the hands of amateurs (for want of a better word).

    I’m positive that our dear Marlene Spiteri never ever made it to the doorstep of the Convent of the Sacred Heart (probably she does not even know where it is). Her writing gives her away.

    I think the Sacred Heart Secondary School she insists so much on mentioning is the Marsa school. Someone in these comments made mention of the Rosary School which, in the 70s, I remember, was the annex which the nuns had rented for a junior secondary school.

    I knew quite a bunch of girls there who used to come and borrow books from our library and use the labs and chapel. Most were really hard-working girls but I doubt there’d have been a Marlene Spiteri there.

    Most of these girls (women today) have made it to top positions in banks, hospitals, hotels, university, teaching, etc. Our dear Marlene surely must have come from a different catchment area. The girls who came to the Rosary school were from Sliema, St. Julian’s and San Gwann. No girls from the Marsa, Hamrun, Zejtun and adjacent areas.

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