‘Politics is like dentistry’ – Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando

What a vacuous man. He has just said that if dentists were to criticise and attack one another like politicians do, they would end up really badly, and that’s why they don’t do it.

Jeffrey, dentistry is about teeth. Politics is about argument and conviction and ideals and ideas and policies and ensuring that it is your policies, not those of your opponent, which win out.

If politics were like dentistry, then there would be a university course, examinations, training and a warrant to practise.

Like I said, Jeffrey, stick to botox. Incidentally, you’ve overdone things with your forehead. People our sort of age are meant to have at least one or two fine lines up there, if only to show that we are not entirely daft. There’s no point in junking the hair-dye bottle only to start botoxing.

Whatever your problems are, you’re not going to solve them by getting into drunken brawls at Guetta concerts for 20-year-olds, and injecting your face in a desperate attempt at pretending you’re not 48. How very sad.

So fine, you don’t want to end up looking like Mark Montebello or Evarist Bartolo, and who can blame you. Just use a bit of moisturiser now and then and stop being so bloody miserable and bitter, and you’re halfway there. Angry when drunk, angry when sober, glaring on television, glaring off it….so unpleasant.