Labour's far-right badge of honour

The far-right political party Azzjonali Nazzjonali has praised Labour leader Joseph Muscat for lifting seven of its 10 proposals on illegal immigration, for his ‘ghoxrin punt‘ action plan. If Labour wasn’t so bloody pathetic and inept, it might actually be funny.

Picture the scene at Labour HQ. Jason comes flapping in wearing some tight black pants (it’s too early in the year for those tight white ones). “We need some background on illegal immigration. Joseph has to speak in parliament. Whose views are the most popular right now?”

Anglu Farrugia and Toni Abela confer briefly, and come to the conclusion that it is Josie Muscat’s. Jason rushes to his computer, logs onto the AN website and comes back with a couple of print-outs. Anglu and Toni go through them with a pink highlighter (they don’t trust Jason to do the job).

Then they call in the receptionist, the driver, a couple of students on work practice and some strays from the newsroom and brainstorm over mugs of instant coffee and cup-a-soup. “We should decide how many people we can take and then refuse to take any more,” the driver says. Anglu writes it down. “We should make sure that men and women are kept in different detention camps,” one of the students says. Anglu hurries to keep up. One of the strays from the newsroom wakes up just long enough to register that this is being done already, but decides to say nothing and goes back to sleep.

“They need to understand that Maltese women wear what they like and that Maltese men don’t piss in public,” the cleaner shouts from the corridor outside. Toni pokes Anglu with the pink highlighter: “Ikteb, Ang.” The cleaner shouts again. “In Safi, they lock their doors when a helicopter is flying low because they are scared that immigrants have escaped and they might find one on their roof.” Anglu dutifully puts that down.

Muscat walks in, checking his reflection in the window. Are the spikes looking a little sparser, or is it his imagination? He presses some flesh, grabs his speech and dashes off. “Wait!” Jason shouts after him. “We need a catchy title, something with a number.”

“Well, whatever you do don’t choose an odd number because we got chewed up over our Seven Steps to Save the Health Service.”

“Ghoxrin punt it is then. If it worked for Karmenu Mifsud Bonnici, it will work for us.”