Tonight's cabaret: Tie Me Up Zammit

The man who looked inside Sant and saw that he wasn't green

I hear that there was a stand-up performance in parliament a couple of hours ago. Tie Me Up Zammit – the surgeon who told us that he was the only man ever to look inside Sant and who saw that he wasn’t an ahdar – rose to tug at the nation’s heart-strings, leaving the house in tears.

His beating. His broken leg. His poverty. His misery.

His lack of dignity and restraint.

His randomly distributed house-keys and men in hoods with size 38 shoes (and if it’s true what they say about men with small feet, then he’s going to be useless in that department).

Bring out the handkerchiefs, or just wipe your nose in your sleeve. This is the Labour Party, after all. Jason Micallef will be round with the powder-puff and some fresh mascara in no time at all.

And if you’re really lucky, he’ll even fix your tie. Jason appears to be a real whizz with knots. But, ssshhhhhh! Don’t tell Anthony Zammit or things might get a little out of……hand.