Important message for H. P. Baxxter
Should you decide to let me know who you are, you might be pleased to discover that I have a long list of propositions, proposals of marriage, indecent proposals, enquiries re friendship and requests for dates/your name/your identity/your telephone number backed up here.
If I throw a Meet H. P. Baxxter Party my house will probably be mobbed, and I won’t have to give away free socks or earrings like Silvio Parnis to reel them in.
On a regular basis, I am besieged by your fans (thank heavens I have no ego issues) who think that perhaps if they ask me nicely enough then I will take them into my confidence and tell them who you are.
When I say that I don’t know, they don’t believe me.
Men never understand it when told that women don’t really go for looks, that other considerations take over even when good looks exist. But really, this is taking things to extremes: I didn’t know it was possible for an invisible man to have sex appeal. It’s fascinating.
U ghax issa xbajt: You must believe me, ladies. I really don’t know who this man is. But he claims nobody fancies him.
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Daphne’s own Stig.
he might be a woman
What if he’s the real H. P. Baxxter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H.P._Baxxter
Well, I sure fancy the way he writes :) Well done, Baxxter.
Daphne, we must not let this man’s genes go to waste. But somehow he seems to suffer from very low self-esteem.
I wish you could do something about it. After the 9th of March, perhaps?
I am finding this unusual. The women want HP Baxxter to come out.
And yet, he doesn’t sound like he is IN.
I think he is short, slim, about 42 years old, nerdish but with a good sense of humor, intelligent, intellectual and has full control of himself.
But the most important thing is that he will be voting PN.
The intellectual and witty version of Christian Grey. Why, Michelle might be interested.
Alfred and the crucifix eh?
H.P. Baxxter must be someone who is retired and has nothing else to occupy his/her mind all day long.
Otherwise he would be cheating his employer!
[Daphne – No, definitely not. The language and references are all wrong for somebody over 60.]
I do!
Since this is becoming a dating site, if you’re the Miss O’Brien from Downton Abbey, I’d really like to meet you over a coffee.
Sincerely,
Alfred.
And, to top it all, Joseph Muscat is also probably hanging around in the wings.
Muscat is probably trying to figure out how, fake hair and all, he seems to attract anything but women. Michelle must be relieved.
Oh dear. Have the little Elves jumped to another one of their conclusions and tied themselves up in knots again?
Baxxter, you cracked it.
I have a feeling that Baxxter was on TV this morning.
Yes, I was commenting on Anne Hathaway’s dress.
Saw that, loved your tux. Also loved your comment on the best film, Argo. Especially when you told little Joey to ‘argo fuck yourself’..
U bil-pozi u n-n*jk tighu kollu, Joseph Muscat mhu kapaci jigbed lill-hadd hlief lil Kenneth Zammit Tabona u s-segretarja ta’ Alfred Sant.
I love reading Baxxter’s comments and I am surprised when he criticises himself.
He must be very charming indeed therefore it is no wonder that he attracts the opposite sex.
[Daphne – Self-deprecation is part of the appeal, Karl. But it has to be done the right way. If there’s one thing that scatters women it’s a self-satisfied arsehole like Muscat.]
Could it be he doesn’t know of this and maybe lacks self-esteem? It’s like you said, women go more for brains than looks and what is beneath the belt.
I don’t think it is lack of self-esteem but rather a case of unreciprocated love.
Baxxter, you’re in trouble now. If I were in your shoes, I would wait until 10 March before disclosing my identity.
You wouldn’t want the newly elected National Socialists knocking on your door.
Definitely a retired CEO or GM. Educational background in engineering.
Baxxter, I love you too.
Much as I would like to take the credit, in the light of Anna Caruana’s comment I have to say I ain’t he…
You hardly have to be an astrophysicist to work out who he is.
What’s your con-cern?
Who says Baxxter is a ‘he’? Perhaps it’s a ‘she’ pretending to be a ‘he’.
What have I done now? Was it the 1980s glam rock?
I bet you are a medic.
1993
Is your star sign Cancer, Baxxter?
It’s tumour.
I’ve always imagined Baxxter to be a ‘he’. There’s something very masculine about his writing, hence the female following. And of course, he has brains and humour – now how many of those do we meet on a regular basis?
Troy knows who Baxxter is and Baxxter knows I’m not bullshitting.
And don’t even try to dare me.
Given Joseph’s constant obsession for food, he probably fancies H.P. Baxxter too – reminds him of the sauce
H.P. has nothing to do with sauce, but you’re close.
Yes, I’d say Baxxter loves reading, experimenting with different dishes and has an occupation which gives him the freedom to be here, there and everywhere…Another novella before the 9th Baxxter?
You got the dishes wrong. And I no longer read. Attention span’s not what it used to be.
Daphne, you should definitely organise a bottle party for the 10th of March and play guess who. As for H.P. Baxxter, I definitely admire his wit and sense of humour. He also is some kind of fashionista, don’t forget his constructive criticism where suits are concerned.
We should agree on a date and time, with everyone turning up at a different place. To preserve anonymity, you know.
I’m in if everyone else is.
Where’s Harry Purdie when you need him?
Pretending he’s Baxxter.
He’s damn good on his own, maryanne. We just get along.
He teaches me, I inform him. He’ll know what I mean.
Kenneth doesn’t love him.
[Daphne – Kenneth goes for looks, not brains. Despite being gay, he’s evidently still a certain kind of man.]
Oh, Kenneth has, on occasion, been amused by my company, and I by his. He shares my tastes in music and I respect him for dragging Malta out that ghastly fin-de-siècle Sicilian provincialism which is the Astra-Aurora repertoire.
May I be jealous?
He’s a man all right and he shares my views about existentialism. Shame I can’t read his blog any longer.
And it’s not just straight women and certain gay men who fancy the guy. I know a couple of straight men and gay women who really admire him. Something about the way he writes…
Knowingly or unknowingly he has the basics of attraction right.
I bet he is Joseph Muscat
Yeah right
Lou Bondi?
No way. I imagine Baxxter to be single, living alone, early 40s, not handsome (sorry Baxx) but very attractive in the kind of way only a woman can understand.
Intelligent, great sense of humour (British?) and possibly an introvert, unless he’s writing. How many points have I scored?
Dear Daphne,
It`s because he is invisible, that makes him more attractive.
He has a great sense of humour and we are free to imagine what he looks like.
Rather than a bottle party, could we have something a little more lucrative – for me as well as your publications? A win-win business deal. You give me a regular slot in Flair or Taste. And I’ll write about anything you wish. Really. I know how to stick to editorial rules. The best journals all have anonymous writers – Bagehot in The Economist, or the Daily’s Mail’s fashionista (who’s finally revealed her identity).
Against payment, of course. I’ve got a wife and child to support, and a little coup d’état in Hong Kong to fund, right?
[Daphne – But then you’ll have to tell me who you are. Oh, and with that wife and child business you’re just wiped out half your fan base.]
Nice try Baxxter.
I’ve no problem telling you who I am. I’ll just have to trust your professional integrity. For my sake, not yours. I’ve no wish to be imprisoned for libel.
OK, a future wife and child then. When I can afford them.
[Daphne – Imprisonment? Why – what were you thinking of saying about the cut of Joseph’s trousers?]
This is Malta. If you call someone an imbecile, or a clown, or a bastard, or a thieving rogue they can sue you for libel. I have no faith in our law courts, and I can’t afford a defence lawyer.
Besides, while I would never bite the hand that feeds me, there are some hands I’d wish to be fed by that have been the target of my vitriol – their fault, not mine. I know things the average public doesn’t, and there is no other forum for criticism, which drives me up the wall. The last thing I need is to be put on everybody’ black list.