Hot news from the LGBT Labour front: a simulation exercise in same-sex marriage

Pastor Toni - You may now kiss the groom

At a wine-and-pizza evening organised by LGBT Labour to raise funds for a new wardrobe for Manuel Business Forum, a simulation exercise in gay marriage was held for those who cannot understand abstract theory.

This exercise was conducted in preparation for Joseph Muscat’s announcement that when he is prime minister he will put before parliament a private member’s bill on same-sex marriage, and then ask for a free vote on both sides of the house, leading to certain defeat of the bill.

This strategic tactic was devised by his kitchen cabinet as a way of keeping everyone happy in the vote-catching game. When it was announced during a business dinner organised by Sandro Chetcuti – now sadly held on remand – it met with cries of ‘Proset, Joseph!’ and ‘You are the man!’

Those who couldn’t understand were told that opponents of same-sex marriage will be delighted to see the bill defeated, while those who want same-sex marriage will – depending on whether they had been lobotomised earlier or were born with learning difficulties – tell themselves that at least ‘Joseph’ tried to do something about it.

Before the event, Labour Party consultant Marisa Micallef was called in for a training session in how to pronounce ‘gays’. This proved to be impossible and her people went into battle still armed with the wrong vowel sound and a sibilant SSSSS like Ka the SSSSSSnake from The Jungle Book.

To show that he is not afraid of ‘gEySSS’ – he has two gay friends, after all, a lecturer at the Sorbonne and his partner the make-up artist; he was a bit pushed to find a black one-legged Jewish lesbian and had to make do – the Labour leader played the part of one groom.

John Bundy, on brief leave of absence from the Court of Consuelo, played the other groom. Party deputy leader Toni Abela stood in as the public registry clerk.

The enactment was met with much appreciation by those present, who told Maltastar that they now had a much better appreciation of what is involved in gEy marriage.