You couldn’t make it up

Spotted (by me, of all people) choosing his new bar furniture at Maison & Objet near Paris

It was one of those surreal situations which, had it been scripted, would have been dismissed out of hand as ridiculously far-fetched.

In my other life as an interior decoration maven of sorts, I was at the massive Maison & Objet trade show near Paris on Saturday, taking notes at the stunning stand put up by a hyper-hip Dutch brand.

One of the attendants had brought me some coffee and I was sitting there going through the catalogue and taking notes. The place was set up to mimic a super-cool bar somewhere other than Malta.

I had just jotted down a memo to self – “Fabulous stuff – perfectly made – some really astonishing pieces. Amazing table. But designed in the main to appeal to the Hugo Chetcuti market. He would go nuts if he saw that metal-bauble bar.” – when I heard, distinctly, a Maltese-fixer voice.

What is a Maltese-fixer voice? It’s a particular way of speaking that I can best describe as the Maltese equivalent of the way Jason Statham speaks, except that we’re never going to be talking about the Maltese equivalent of Jason Statham himself.

I carefully looked up from my position on the sofa, and sure enough, there was a Maltese fixer type. He moves aside and I see a tattooed arm, which to my immense disbelief is attached to Hugo Chetcuti and – would you believe this – he’s actually admiring that very same bar.

I quickly lower my head back over my coffee cup and notebook and hear, after a couple of seconds, “Il-Madonna Santa, man.” I look back up again, and they’re gone.

So, not only can I assess people’s preferences rather accurately, but now I can also magic those people up – because, just to put things into context, the fair/exhibition is held over five days and consists of eight huge pavilions with hundreds of exhibitors and thousands of visitors. It took me a full three days to walk through the entire thing at a fast pace. So, what were the odds?