Maltastar tries its hand at fairytales

I found this by chance on the Labour Party’s news website, Maltastar, and even though it’s two years old, I just had to bring it to you.

It’s…..fascinating, but in all sorts of unintended ways.

That was the Labour Party’s fairytale period. Remember Marisa Micallef and her story about the Red Blue Prince?

Some prince he turned out to be: Lord of the Skip.

25 October 2009 MALTASTAR
By Pia Micallef

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs…

…A skinny little Pig with a head that resembled a helium balloon, a plump little pig that resembled… well… a pig, and another plump pig who constantly wore an arsenal shirt.

These little pigs were once in their big blue house in Pieta’ when thier leader big pig, a skinny piggy with a permanent botox-like smile on its face, known as “the Gonz”, came into their room and said “my piglets! I am in grave grave trouble! One of you must help me, my dears!”

“Yes Gonz, how may we serve you?” said the overly eager balloon headed pig.

“No, not you Paulie Piggy, if you get involved we might set off a war within the house!” replied the Gonz, and with that Paulie “Pea-Bee-Oh” Piggy sat down, disgruntled as he was being left out because, to put it simply, he was….. unpopular.

“How may I help, My Gonz?” said the arsenal shirt wearing piggy.

“Yes, my Tonnie, you have always been loyal to me and, me to you” said The Gonz, lowering his voice to a whisper “you know too much” to the blue shirted plump pig in front of him.

Tonnie smiled one of his infamous below average IQ smiles and said “hehehehe iva Lawrence hij… tiftakar meta…”

“Enough! Back to buisness” replied the Gonz.

“Hrumf… as long as I get some off time off afterwards, there’s another match I’d like to see”

“Then no, forget it!”

“But why, My Gonz?” whined the blue shirted pig

“Don’t you remember our last meeting because of your football mania? Isn’t it enough that it got up Jay-Pea-Oh and Arry Pig’s arse-nal”

The room went silent except for a slight sniffle from Tonnie Pig and Pea-Bee-Oh. In silence ,The Gonz turned to the last remaining pig . The fat pig’s face shone, and his double chin wibble-wobbled in delight.

“You…” said the Gonz, reminiscent of Dark Vadar.

“Ooooh My Gonz! Anything! Anything for you!” said the plump pig so overjoyed with delight at being chosen that he was on the brink of running off and rolling around in his little mud bath with excitment.

“My dear Piggy Petey, my loyal Piggy Petey, you, you are the one I can trust with this.”

“Tell me my Gonz” said Piggy Petey drooling out of his plump mouth as though he was feasting his eyes on the most succulent delicious meal one could offer him, which would be saying a lot.

“The ones on the other side” (Enter audience saying *hisssss*) “have declared that they will not…. (dramatic pause)…. Take away the stipends!”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” screamed Piggy Petey holding his hands out to the heavens in frustration “damn you Joseph!”

“Yes, my son, a sad day has come… as he has not just done so once, but various times… we can no longer float our ‘Labour will take away your stipends’ boat… it has sunk, we are doomed… you must help me…” said the Gonz, the defeated, the anguish in his eyes more prominent then ever.

“How my Gonz? Tell me and I shall do everything in my power to help!”

“You must infiltrate the internet site bookface”

“You mean facebook?”

“Yes, yes that’s it, you see my petey pig, only through our militant trained piglets of conservatism and closed mindednenss can we again infiltrate the gay loving, condom wearing university that I once dominated!”

“Yes master… then I will huff and I will puff, until I blow their house down!”

And thus Petey Piggy created a “YES to Stipends, NO to Labour” Facebook group..

And made me happily ever after…
(Because it made me fall off my chair laughing at how scared they’ve suddenly become)