Facecream Phyllis’s CHOGM video is a flop

First of all, why is there even a Malta CHOGM video?

Secondly, the ‘sonk’ is TERRIBLE. It was, as has come to be obvious, composed by Norman Hamilton’s brother-in-law, Ivan Grech of Winter Moods, who is resident musician in the Court of King Joseph and Queen Michelle of the Merikowlt Foundation.

Norman Hamilton’s brother-in-law said to the press: “It is an anthem hailing those who work effortlessly for a better world led by empathy, peace and understanding, a tribute to all those whose sacrifices left a positive impact on our lives and a plea from our generation to those in power to follow in their footsteps.” Oh. Really.

Thirdly, in the ‘we are one’ crowd scene at the end, there is just the one token black – literally – and it’s a child shoved off towards the left-hand side of the screen, where the eye does not travel.

Fourthly, the nerve of those people is unbelievable after all their maqdir. The key locations in this video are restored Mdina ditch (work of the evil Nationalist government), the restored Girgenti Palace (ditto) and the Red Tower in Mellieha, the keys to which were seized from my grandfather and his brother (whose summer house it was) in the late 1950s by Prime Minister Mintoff, whereupon it was left to fall into serious dilapidation by successive governments for half a century until it was fortunately taken over and restored by Din L-Art Helwa, a non-government organisation.

They didn’t send their ‘typical Maltese types’ to chant in the middle of the wreck of Australia Hall or on the roof of the Macina, did they, or on Zonqor Point or at the Montekristo Estate or in some concrete junKle created by Sandro Chetcuti and his Malta Developers Association.

But apart from that, the video production itself is lousy – it totally lacks vim and dynamism. And what is it supposed to be saying to hundreds of people from the Commonwealth? Nothing, except that Malta – like the former Soviet bloc states – is completely ‘white’ and does not tolerate others.

There aren’t even any different Maltese types in that crowd scene – they are the same middle of the road, dumpy, short and plain, with cookie-cutter nondescript facial features like a crowd scene at the Malta Trade Fair, minus the old people, the high heels, tight tacky clothes and panstick make-up.

Because, of course, in Malta there is nobody over the age of 35 – ghax imbaghad inkunu negattivi indahhlu hafna xjuh, xi dwejjaq.

And yet the video’s artistic director, Ray ‘Check out my XXXXXXXL Dickie Bird’ Calleja – whose name is given in the press release as “Artistic director, Raymond Calleja” described his work on it as a “truly humbling experience with people coming together and sharing their ethnic, cultural and religious diversities”.

I couldn’t see them. Could you?