Another howler
The National Commission for the Promotion of Equality has published what it calls a ‘Toolkit’, called The Gender Aspect from a Legal Perspective, the production of which was funded partly with monies received from ‘the EU’. All lawyers have been sent a copy, and for all I know, accountants and architects and dentists, too. I quote from a case study on page 43:
“Her employer kept on insisting that her services were no longer needed and thus Josephine was terminated from her job.”
Aaarrrgghhhh! Pass the smelling-salts. I can’t take this anymore. We don’t need a National Commission for the Promotion of Equality as much as we need a National Commission for the Promotion of Grammar, Syntax, Vocabulary and Correct Usage. Doesn’t anyone check these documents before they are foisted on an unsuspecting public?
I am mystified as to where they got the phrase ‘terminated from her job’. I am shocked at the sheer inability to construct this simple sentence: “Josephine’s employer continued to insist that her services were no longer required, and so she was made redundant.”
Just in case you’re wondering about Josephine, she discovered she was pregnant during the probationary period and told her employer. Apparently, we’re still discussing this business of reluctance to employ pregnant women in terms of prejudice against women, when Western Europe has moved way beyond that and is begining to recognise the legitimate economic, financial and logistical concerns of small firms that can’t afford the consequences of maternity leave and replacement staff. Despite being committed to the fight against inequality, I am sensible enough to recognise that no amount of legislation can overcome the basic and fundamental inequality wrought by biology: that it’s women who get pregnant and have babies, not men. I’m afraid I’m with the employers on this one. If I had the choice between employing a pregnant woman and a non-pregnant one, I would go for the latter, and if a woman became pregnant during the probationary period, I would say ‘sorry, honey, forget it. Come back later, if the job’s still open.’ What was this employer expected to do – take a brand-new employee on training and then watch her go out on maternity leave two weeks after the end of the probationary period, so that he had to repeat the process with somebody else and then – get this – offer the other woman the same job when her maternity leave was up?
If women want respect, they should earn it, so it helps not to start a baby and a job at the same time, however accidental the concurrence of events. So men don’t have that problem – so what? Take it up with God, or whoever you believe made the two sexes. Women have babies, and babies bring logistical problems with them. Deal with it, or don’t have babies.
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Reply to Mario Debono Click here to cancel reply
@Daphne,
“beginning to recognise the legitimate economic, financial and logistical concerns of small firms that can’t afford the consequences of maternity leave and replacement staff.”
Thank you, I have had this argument countless times and been accused of being a chauvinist pig for suggesting it!
What I don’t understand about Josephine’s case is that seeing she was on probation the employer did not need a reason to dismiss her!
[Daphne – No, he didn’t need a reason to dismiss her, but the mistake he made was to seem to link it to the fact that she was pregnant, and so found himself accused of discrimination against women.]
Poor Josephine ! I hope she was not terminated literally.
I suspect the employer was a male chauvinist pig and I wonder what services he did not require after he found out she was pregnant. Maybe he offered to pay for her pregnancy to be terminated in Ragusa, hence the Freudian slip. We have a surfeit of National Commissions already; we certainly do not need any more. What we most certainly need are teachers of English in our schools with a sound knowledge of the great language. “L-ispizjar (to be polite) milli jkollu jtik”. If a teacher has a poor command of English, there is no way the language can be taught as it should be. My four children went to the “best” schools. Many an evening was spent en famille making fun of what their teachers at school said or wrote. For a time the scandalous utterances were dutifully written down on a sheet of paper magnetically attached to the fridge door in our kitchen
Ah yes,
Rule no 1, if firing on probation DON’T give a reason!
@ Daphne : the ‘police commissioner’ fired a recruit because she was pregnant. Could it be the same case ?
{Daphne – No idea.]
I feel inclined to disagree. Coming from a country where workers have more rights than there are grains of sand in Sahara, I often feel the burden for the employer has become ridiculous, but at the same time, employing means taking on a responsibility for another person. To top it off, the assistance for a pregnant woman in this country, whose inhabitants constantly scoffs at the lack of family values in other countries, is a disgrace. Maternal leave for three months, but only in case the woman comes straight back to work. Some three or four days of paternal leave for the father. How can you bring about a baby under those circumstances?
Why does not the state help out in these instances? There must be a huge benefit for the country in encouraging women in workplaces, but at the same time no efforts are made in making their working life easier. Perhaps increasing the benefits and working rights for a mother will ensure she’ll have a nice career to return to, instead of forcing her to either give up her baby to day-care (or to parents/in-laws, who are pretty much expected to step in), or give up her career. We pay taxes for a reason and on my list of items of where I’d like to see my tax money spent, the welfare of mothers and children, education and social safety are all pretty much in the top.
[Daphne – Patrik, you should mention where you live, as that would help. I’ve worked it out from your email address, but others here don’t know. I only half agree with you. I have problems with a situation in which the private sector is expected to pick up the bill for some person’s decision to have a baby, at her employer’s expense. It’s a very socialist way of approaching situations by burdening businesses ‘because they can afford it’. The problem is essentially one of biology, and no amount of legislation is going to change that. If there aren’t problems in the workplace, there are going to be problems of resentment at home, which is beyond the reach of legislation. Also, I’m sure that it’s not a coincidence that where maternity leave and benefits and nursery care are most developed, people are having fewer and fewer babies and not more of them. The reverse is also true. You have a typical example in Malta, where it couldn’t possibly be easier for a woman to work, with two grandmothers with nothing much to do and living just five minutes away falling over themselves to look after the baby, do the shopping and generally help out. Yet hardly any women work after they give birth, and they don’t have more than two children with a gap of four years between them. I’m not saying I know why. I’ve just noticed that there isn’t necessarily a correlation between maternity benefits and childcare and the number of women working or even just having children.]
‘Apparently, we’re still discussing this business of reluctance to employ pregnant women in terms of prejudice against women, when Western Europe has moved way beyond that and is begining to recognise the legitimate economic, financial and logistical concerns of small firms that can’t afford the consequences of maternity leave and replacement staff.’
What gave you the impression that this is the case? Having tutored employment law at a UK university, I can assure you that the reverse is actually true. Dismissal on the grounds of the employee’s pregnancy is automatically considered to be unfair even if the appointment is temporary/probationary. Whether the balance between employers’ and employees’ legal rights is fair is another matter.
[Daphne – I didn’t say the law is being discussed by legislators. I pointed out that commentators are raising questions about the problems being caused (in newspapers and journals). This debate is happening now because countries which have had highly developed legislation in this regard for some years have now reached the point where they are able to assess the results. And some of those results are unfair burdens to employers. The net result is that where employers have a choice between a woman who looks like she might want a baby any time soon, and a man, they go for the man. And you can’t blame them. So the legislation, because it has proved too burdensome for the employer, has actually worked against women rather than in their favour, speaking generally.]
For clarification, I do live in Malta, although Swedish originally (been here 5+ years, so do know how to swear and drive like a Maltese – apart from that the integration is not complete).
Will answer the rest later, as I’m technically at work and definitely burdening my employer with this distraction :)
@ Daphne : have a look:
http://www.maltatoday.com.mt/midweek/2007/12/12/t6.html
Being an accountant myself, I can understand the “economic, financial and logistical concerns”.
I have posted a suggestion to Kunsilli Lokali 2015, and would appreciate your comments.hne
[Daphne – Can you post your suggestion here?]
@Pat: I take exception to your comment “swear and drive like a Maltese”. It’s unacceptably racist. It would have been better had you written “like some Maltese”. I, for one, do neither swear nor drive badly. I have travelled rather extensively in different parts of the world and have personally witnessed swearing and bad driving in the north, the south, the east and the west and the perpetrators were not Maltese.
As someone who necessarily employs women in my business because a) they are better than men in my line of business b) they work harder and are more trustworthy than men, again in my line of business, I am constantly haunted by the prospect of someone turning up and telling me that she is cooking a bun. It would help if they plan the timing a bit better, knowing how hard it is to find replacements in their profession (pharmacist) in this day and age. No amount of money will solve my problem then. With half my staff getting shacked up in the space of six months, I am at my wits end. Its a nightmare. Not only do you have to find a replacement whilst the employee is away busily having a baby and lining the nest, but as a small business you have to pay her for the privilege! Last time it happened, it wiped out my profits for a year. Yes, the total bill for this state forced largesse was Lm 9000 in replacements and pay for the mother. The Government, with its surfeit of do-gooders, dumps this financial responsibility on to us small businesses. We cannot afford it. I happened to have wanted to keep my employee, a trustworthy and long serving member of my staff, and I took it on the chin. But the temptation to find some way to fire a pregnant employee is simply too great, and many people resort to this. Others see the employers point and leave quietly, but many hang on for the free ride, then scream when they are fired for the slightest misdemeanor. . When I dared voice this opinion in a public forum, i was shouted down by some harridans who should know better. On the other hand, there are some shining stories we should be aware of. I do know of a government employee, a director and CEO of a very important organization,, no less, who doesn’t believe in the nonsense of maternity leave. She was back at her desk, baby and all, within a month. And she insisted on breastfeeding the baby. She had no one to take care of it, so she made sure she juggled everything and kept doing her job. Now that is a woman I have a healthy respect for. Sadly, the majority are not mad of the same stuff. The Eu have decided to discuss this because the pressure on small firms is too great. Don’t expect progress though. The PES, or socialists, still believe they have the right to impose his burden on the employer, even if needs be they drive him out of business,…what do they care. Gonzi and his merry band aren’t any better in this regard either !
@John,
I looked at the link you posted and allow me to quote
“Malta’s employment laws are likely to be amended after the European Commission insisted that women must not be dismissed during their probationary period if they become pregnant.”
This is going to make it yet harder for women because they would automatically be “not chosen” because of their sex.
Take my case, I have a small company, 10 employees in all.
During an interview I can’t ask a woman if she plans to have children soon. (That’s illegal).
So if I employ her and she becomes pregnant in the probationary period, I am still expected to keep her on, train her obviously, give her 14 weeks paid leave (during which her work will not be done) and I can’t even get someone else because I have to give her back her job when she gets back.
Mhux hekk!!!
If a man and woman apply for the same post I am sorry to say that even if more qualified then him the law forces me not to select the woman!
Welcome to the real world!
@Pat – welcome to the jungle!
@freethinker – relax man, don’t sweat the small stuff
Freethinker: I respectfully retract my comment and offer my apologies if they offended you.
@ Pat : have you ever been to Bologna (for swearing),Saudi Arabia (for bad driving) or Egypt (for swearing and bad driving) ? I understood every word and gesture between two angry taxi drivers in Cairo , they drive like my kid ‘drives’ on a computer game , they scare the sh**t out of you.
When one starts learning a language from the locals or work mates, the first things which are thought are the four letter words, its like that all over the world.Initiation , sort of.
One reason probably is to ‘protect’ the ‘newcomer’ from people who would swear at him/her.
A Hungarian for whom I worked in the 80’s , once asked me what’s “XOMMU” , innocently I used to tell him that it meant “smell him” , “but I don’t smell!!” was the immediate reply.
At Marsa quay they used to say the word with an F&O in the beginning because he never tipped them.
@ Pat : On second thoughts I don’t blame you about the swearing, even on this blog swear words in Maltese are written.
http://daphnecaruanagalizia.com/?p=301#comment-5800
You know , we are not pre-enlightenment here in Malta.
I once worked for a not-very-nice boss who was not happy at all when I told him I had to stop working because I was pregnant. He vowed to employ only ugly women, irrespective of qualifications, because, according to him, they were less likely to attract a spouse, get married and have kids. He was fuming because I had just finished training and he wanted to keep me on the accounts team. Years later I visited the firm and found that he had kept his promise. So, that is one way of solving a problem regarding female employees…!
Alright, inappropriate comments aside…
“I have problems with a situation in which the private sector is expected to pick up the bill for some person’s decision to have a baby, at her employer’s expense.”
That’s why I said it’s up to the state to help out, not the employer. If you are a smoker and get lung cancer, you will still get treatment, despite the fact that picking up smoking is a far worse act than choosing to have a baby. Sure, it’s a partly socialist idea, just as universal healthcare is partly a socialist idea, doesn’t change much.
“The problem is essentially one of biology, and no amount of legislation is going to change that.”
Handicaps are also a problem of biology, so why waste tax money on accessibility and rehabilitation for disabled people? It’s true that getting pregnant is, in most cases, a choice, but we also happen to be stuck in bodies which are programmed to reproduce. It’s not entirely unfeasible to make an argument that not having children is a choice as well, as this actually demands of us to go against our cognitive instincts.
“Also, I’m sure that it’s not a coincidence that where maternity leave and benefits and nursery care are most developed, people are having fewer and fewer babies and not more of them.”
So problem solved, no?
“The reverse is also true. You have a typical example in Malta, where it couldn’t possibly be easier for a woman to work, with two grandmothers with nothing much to do and living just five minutes away falling over themselves to look after the baby, do the shopping and generally help out.”
Then you are reaffirming what I said in the first post, that parents and in-laws are pretty much expected to step in, rather than the state. I can personally relate to why this system is unfair and not working. I do have a baby on the way, I’m very happy to say. I’m a full time worker with a decent salary and so if my wife. At the same time my own parents live 1600 miles away and my wife’s parents are both working full time. What are our options in Malta? My wife can either take the three months off or then send a three month old baby to day-care, or she can stay at home, unpaid, until the baby is of a decent age to go into healthcare. Admittedly, in this case she worked out a deal with her company where she gets an extra three months unpaid leave and can then return, but I’m sure many do not have this option.
“Yet hardly any women work after they give birth, and they don’t have more than two children with a gap of four years between them.”
I’m not saying that I know why either, or that increased benefits would help, I’m merely suggesting that if you made it easier for a working woman to get a decent amount of time at home with the baby, under state support, you would create a situation where a woman could keep her career, while still caring for her baby.
[Daphne – Pat, almost none of my friends and contemporaries who are married with children actually do any regular paid work, even though their children are not babies but have left school or are in secondary school. The mistake lots of people make is in thinking that women don’t work because it is too difficult for them to do so, what with childcare etc. I look at it the other way round: they don’t work because staying at home is too easy. They would rather make do with less than go out and hassle. There’s something else: this may be a very chauvinistic society, but the flipside of that is that men are expected to do everything except cook, clean and look after the children. Lots of Maltese men are turned into workhorses by their wives. I actually know one woman who sits around on the beach all day in the summer and watches DVDs all day in the winter. She’s just got a small flat to look after and her two children are both in their early 20s, but still in education and so not earning. Her husband works THREE jobs to support them all while she refuses to do anything. He has an 8am to 4pm job, an evening job in a hotel and a weekend job in a cafe.]
John: At least I’m not the only one who passes inappropriate comments about other peoples culture :)
…and to just slightly defend myself. The remarks about swearing and driving is something I actually quite often make, as a sort of joke, which I have unto today never met anyone having a problem with. Obviously in a comment on a website it becomes inappropriate due to the lack of content and the tone of voice not being applied (when is someone going to come up with a solution for that?).
Daphne: I do hope your friends read your blog.
Still, if their husbands put up with it, tough tits! Even if they stay home because it’s too easy, I’m sure there are many others who stay home simply for the lack of good day-care. I do not believe that I happen to be the only one facing this problem.
To sidestep slightly, am I the only one callous enough to get the feeling that it’s the type of housewife you mentioned that would fight tooth and claw against divorce legislation?
[Daphne – You’re right about the divorce legislation, incidentally. Much of the opposition to divorce, when it comes from women, is the result of fear of abandonment and the end of the free meal ticket for life. Women who stay home are usually very conservative in outlook, and to make matters worse, the vast majority are now turning to prayer groups, which only serves to make them even more inward-looking. Anyway, each to his/her own and never mind the difference. Re childcare: however good the childcare, it’s never going to be enough to relieve the stress caused to a woman by being separated from her young child for up to 10 hours a day, or the debilitating round of drop-offs, pick-ups, shopping on the way home, cooking and tidying at 9pm when the children should already have been in bed for the last two hours, and so on and so forth. Babies and young children are like puppies and dogs: they really need a strict routine otherwise they become severely distressed. The net result of women coming home from work at 6pm is that their babies end up going to bed at 10pm (because they want to spend time with them), but children under 10 should be asleep by 7pm at the very latest, after an unswerving routine of bath and early supper. I’ve lost count of the number of social occasions I’ve been to recently at which the babies and toddlers of working mothers are in attendance with the grown-ups, milling about and whining while their parents chase them at midnight. Lots of women who’ve been through it have come to the same conclusion: having a baby is a choice, so you just have to go with it, take some years off, keep in touch with technology and current affairs, then return to the workplace when it’s more feasible. If there’s something you can do at home, on-line, then that’s just fantastic. My own view is that unless a woman has a really amazing super-terrific-well-paid job in comfortable hours, then it’s really not worth the hassle of spending the first 10 years of her child’s life stuck in some windowless office with a lot of drab people for nine hours a day. Life’s too short for that kind of thing. Of course, now that women are having their first child in their 30s, this becomes less realistic, because returning to the workplace in your mid-40s is not too possible unless you’re something wildly sought-after like a nurse, a midwife or a teacher, professions in which maturity is actually at a premium and valued much more highly than youth. Just as with anything else in life, you can’t have it both ways: women should think long and hard before they have a child because they are the ones whose life will change dramatically, and once they’ve decided, they should really go with it and not pine for freedom to work, freedom to socialise and all the rest. It’s tough, but there are no ways around it. I guess I was lucky because, with the exception of a couple of years of full-time employment which were absolute hell with three kids under seven years old, even though I had somebody to look after them, I was able to work in my own time and place.]
Here is the suggestion I have given:
“I would set up a Co-Operative Child care within Local Councils to empower women to participate in remunerated work, once they have children, since I believe that the major problem facing the Maltese society in this arena is the lack of affordable quality care for children. This co-operative, would require parent involvement on a voluntary basis, which would be the key ingredient to help keep the costs down, and whilst providing such a vital service, it would contribute to local economic development and job creation. As a non-profit multi-stakeholder organization, the majority of its operating revenue would pay salaries and wages for the jobs being created.
Co-operatives are jointly owned enterprises formed by people coming together to meet their needs. They are based on ethical values and principles including self-help, democracy, equality, and concern for community. They empower individuals, and encourage healthier and stronger communities by enabling people to pool their resources, share risks and achieve common goals.
Child care co-operatives empower parents and families by giving them a say in the care of their children and an opportunity to help shape the co-operative through involvement in committees, the board of directors, and operational activities. Parents also gain new skills and knowledge of early childhood development through education programs, and they often build informal family and social support networks with other members of the co-operative. The bottom line is about quality care for children, delivered in a cost-effective way.
Child care is an inherently costly business since it is labour intensive. In Malta, these costs are carried disproportionately by women – mothers and many times grandmothers whose costs result from a huge loss of earnings. The key issue therefore is not whether we can afford the costs – because they already exist – but how these costs are allocated – in particular between parents, employers and the government.
It is being suggested that The National Standards for Child Day Care Facilities should recognize parent involvement in the facility by including trained parent/grandparent volunteers in the adult child ratio.
A Partnership between the Association of Local Councils, the Employment and Training Corporation and the Co-operative child care could be formed to apply for EU Structural Funding, Cohesion Policy 2007-2013, Operating Programme II – Empowering People for more jobs and a better quality of life.”
Furthermore, the Co-Operative could support employers – falling under certain criteria which establishes that they are small – by providing grants for the payment of maternity leave, as an incentive to retain employees they would otherwise not afford to keep. Another possible solution would be that the Co-Operative helps to work out a job-sharing arrangement. This encourages employees to find a balance between their work and family responsibilities. Apart from increased flexibility, job-sharing provides specific benefits such as the possibility of a partnership where one’s skills and abilities are complemented by the other partner, opportunities to learn from the job-sharing partner, and mutual support and encouragement on the job. The employer, on the other part, would thus be getting continuity of coverage since it may be possible for one partner to cover for another in certain circumstances, such as maternity leave, sickness and holidays. It may also be possible for both employees to work at the same time, during peak periods. Such an arrangement can be a win-win situation for both the employer and the employees.
@ Pat : I did not feel it was an inappropriate comment ,it is a reality . Swearing is considered ‘macho’ especially in Maltese villages .
Once I recognised a Maltese guy with gold necklaces and all in LA airport from a 100metres , he was talking loudly and swearing in Maltese to his other Maltese friend, and he was not arguing, he was just telling his friend that they were ‘bachelor boys’ for a whole two months.
So Pat I hope now you start speaking loudly also.I hope no one feels offended.
About working women ,all I can say is that they should at least start working(for money or as a volunteer) after their youngest child starts attending secondary school. This sends a clear message to the child that now s/he has grown up and should start helping around the house , unlike (probably) the two twenty year olds which Daphne mentioned.I know of a manager who on Saturdays helps his stay at home wife in her household chores , dusting the furniture, while his two fat daughters stay in their rooms ‘studying’ on their computers. BTW , he also gives them pocket money .
When our kids were very young an office employee wrote “house wife” as the occupation of my wife , I objected to it and told him that she is MY wife not the house’s wife.
[Daphne – If the woman you mention is at home Monday to Friday and does not have a job outside the home, nor demanding babies and toddlers, why on earth does she wait until Saturday to do the dusting and cleaning? And why does she need help from her husband? I’d like to know how this notion arose that even housewives (yes, John, that’s the word) need help with the chores, preferably from a husband who has been out of the house commuting and working between 7.30am and 6pm. It’s not like we don’t have a myriad labour-saving appliances, unless you’re speaking about somebody who simply has to wash every floor twice a day.]
@Mario Debono
Could it be that female sales-reps are more attractive to male GPs?
Well said, Daphne.
I was about to say myself that unless a woman who choses to have a child (or adopt one, for that matter) is prepared to care for that child herself for its first few years, then it is selfish to bring a child into the world (or to adopt one), simply to satisfy maternal instincts and for no reason other than to keep up with the Joneses.
I am sick of seeing “priveleged” children being shunted from nanny to nanny to nanna to nannu, when the child/children would be better off with fewer material possessions (if any at all) and more attention from mummy (and, preferably, from daddy too).
These children are invariably the most pushy, most dominant, ill-mannered children, and yet are usually the ones who so desperately crave attention. They often know no boundaries, have little or no repect for other people’s property or possessions, and are also almost invariably little bullies.
There are several such children who I come across at school and elsewhere, and yet I realise that they are often the ones whose parents often make no effort to even come to their end-of-year performance or even to their birthday party!
I have often found myself trying to explain to my young children (in simple terms), when they are bullied or teased by such a child, that although they should stand their ground with them, they should also do their best to befriend them, because they crave attention and have a desperate need to feel loved and wanted.
It’s a very sad situation – for the children, especially, but also, to a much lesser extent, for the parents, who do not realise that they are missing out on their child’s most wonderful years.
I have chosen not to use my name here, because I realise that by doing so I could cause offence to many people I know.
@ Daphne : “And why does she need help from her husband” He is a “pastizz’ . Richard Bucket is a macho when you compare him with this submissive husband. Before going out for a walk she spends two hours in front of the mirror. Their two daughters do not know how to prepare a simple pasta dish.
Btw ; they (he) also have (has) a mortgage to pay!
MISKIN.
Anon: “I was about to say myself that unless a woman who choses to have a child (or adopt one, for that matter) is prepared to care for that child herself for its first few years, then it is selfish to bring a child into the world (or to adopt one), simply to satisfy maternal instincts and for no reason other than to keep up with the Joneses.”
I guess it’s my turn to take offense now. We decided to try for a child, despite knowing that we did not have the means to stay home for the first few years. Does that automatically make me a bad future parent? This is pretty much the norm in Sweden, where the mother, in general, stay home for the first year or so, not longer. Are you suggesting all those Swedish mothers are selfish?
My own mother was home for my first year and have been working full time every since and I can assure you, the care and closeness I’ve had with my mother (and father of course) is at least as high as what I tend to see here. And I can assure you I have never been a bully in school, as you seem to imply people of my kind should be.
The problem here is that everyone keeps mentioning it as a responsibility of the mother, when this certainly does not have to be the case. Me and my wife have equal responsibilities in the household. We both do chores, we both intend to take care of the child and we both work full time.
I’m also surprised at your comment, Daphne, and the fact that you also seem to adhere to the standard of drop-offs, pick-ups and househould chores are the responsibility of the mother. I know this has become a standard here, but I get the impression you, at least partly, agree to this standard.
But this is also where it falls back on the employer to make sure the mother have comfortable hours, a bit of flexibility and the understanding when motherhood calls. I don’t think this is too much to ask from Maltese employers, especially since it’s the norm here to expect long hours overtime without extra pay.
Malta needs a shift in mentality and I disagree completely that it’s not up to legislation to have a part in it.
Pat – You may be the exception to what seems to be the norm that I see on an almost daily basis.
You also wrote that you and your wife “both intend to take care of the child”. By that, do you mean by ferrying it to day-care from the age of one?
I’m sorry to sound so offensive, but I’m sick of seeing people so “desperate” to have a child by whatever means – fertility treatment, adoption, whatever – only to put that child into day-care (sometimes from 8am – 2pm at “school”, only to be dumped at a child-care centre in some hotel kids’ club or other till the evening, usually going home to sleep, or kept up till 10pm or later for the parents’ “enjoyment”).
Children are not commodities or necessities. They are human beings – persons in their own right – and, once adults choose to bring a child into the world or adopt it, they should bloody well make sure that they are around to care for it THEMSELVES in the first place.
Nothing could replace a mother’s love, and a child needs more than a home to sleep in at night or a room full of toys which, at the end of the day, it is never really there to play with.
It’s true that parenthood should be shared, but you have got to face facts. In Malta it is usually the father who is the main bread-winner, and who is usually the one with longer – and often less flexible – working hours. So unless mother and father have comparable earning power and working hours, it makes sense that most of the ferrying is done by the mother – unless, of course – the services of a nanny/stand-in parent (nanna/auntie) are made use of.
I also disagree with your statement that “it is up to the employer to ensure that the mother has comfortable working hours”. An employer is NOT a charitable institution. It is up to the mother to ensure that – should her working hours not be convenient – she opts for a job with shorter working hours, which would at least more or less coincide with her child’s school hours when the child is young, which would still leave the problem of what to do when that child is unwell and unable to go to school, which usually happens more often than not in the early school years.
Why have children at all, if not to satisfy your own primeval urges, if you are unwilling or unable to care for them yourself?
@ Pat : welcome to Malta. When in Rome do as the Romans do.We are far behind from Sweden .
Mussolini in the twenties introduced the day care centres and they worked .
I tend to agree more to Anon’s opinion, my experience is different from Pat’s. That does not mean that Pat and his wife will be doing some mistake .
Dear Anon et al,
Childcare in Malta is a non-starter. If you do not have the grand parents to care for your children then you have a big problem as was my case. And btw I do not want my children be brought up by grandparents. Have you ever noticed that these children are loosing out on their innocence. Speak to any 3-4 year olds and it is as if you are speaking to a 60 year old.
My child is well care for from 8.30am till 17.30 everyday. We live in mainland Europe by the way. Well cared for does not mean that she is put in front of a TV in a crowded, stuffy classroom eating sandwiches for lunch.
Far from that. I am so proud that my daughter goes there and she learns so much as being polite, soft spoken and disciplined. She does not even begin to compare with her counterparts in Malta as far as mannerisms go. We still do enjoy her company, we never miss a weekend where we are involved with a family outing, parks, rivers, lakes, funparks, zoos and so many other outdoor activities.
I am sorry to say, Malta is not so attractive when it comes to raising children and having a family. FULLSTOP.
C Camilleri – Here we go again, rubbishing all that is Maltese and bringing lakes, parks, zoos, etc into the equation. Those places will never make up for the fact that your child is missing out on her family and family life. Nothing can ever replace that, unless, of course, her family is a horrendous one (which I am assuming it is not).
I am also assuming that your child is between 3 and 4 years old, since you compared her with children in that age group. A 3-year-old would normally be at school till noon or 12.30pm, and go home to lunch, have time to relax and play, catch up on the day and sometimes get out in the fresh air.
“She does not even begin to compare with her counterparts in Malta as far as mannerisms go.” Surely you meant “manners”, which are not the same thing as mannerisms?
Manners, C Camilleri, are something which should be learnt from a tender age (my children learnt how to say “please”, “thank you” and “you’re welcome” way before they could say “mummy”); they are something which should come naturally, but unfortunately often don’t, because many are the adults who deride what they think of as “niceties”.
Being brought up by grandparents, on the other hand, would be preferable to being shunted around from nanny to nanny – often coming from an alien culture (be it local or foreign). A grandparent is often the closest thing you could get to a parent when it comes to unconditional love and care-giving. Nannies often see it as just another job. One of the teachers who was a known bully at school in fact nannies children to supplement her income – I’d never dream of leaving my children with her.
Yes, young children are often like miniature adults (in all the wrong ways), but that is usually the fault of the parents, who do not allow them the time to be children and to play in their own familiar environment. No amount of parks, funfairs and the like can make up for a loving home and a mother who is present during the child’s active, waking hours.
You said that you enjoy your daughter’s company. I hope that she enjoys yours too. Surely she’d appreciate a mother who’s there for her on a regular basis – one who’s there for her when she comes back from school upset, one to whom she excitedly holds out a painting on running out of class … You know what I mean.
Many a time I have attended “mother’s mornings” at my children’s school. There were always two or three children in each class whose mother never bothered turning up; their children were usually the unruly ones, and no wonder. I really felt for them, especially when I could see the excited look on my kids’ faces, knowing how long they had been rehearsing their song or whatever, and how they so desperately tried to keep the present they made a secret until “the day” came. Imagine the children whose mother never turned up, and who never even bothered to ask a relative/nanny to turn up instead.
No, C Camilleri, no amount of natural parks can make up for the love and care from a mother, especially in a child’s early years.
Weekends are for family time, yes, but that does not mean that your child should wait till bedtime to be cared for by you.