Malta – 82 places behind Norway
It’s not always satisfying when the heavy-hitters come out with reams of facts that back you up in what you’ve been writing about for years. Sometimes, it’s demoralising. For 18 years I’ve been writing about how really, truly backward Maltese society is in the way it regards women. Even women sell themselves short, afraid to be seen or heard except as flashy singers in awful frocks or as hosts on cheap talk-shows on television – roles, in other words, which are perceived to be non-threatening to men or other women.
I’m aware of just how abnormal the situation in Malta is because I move around a bit in my line of work and one of the first things that struck me is that I have to leave the country to be treated normally, with no wise-cracks, suspicious looks, bristling, hostility or, worst and most unpleasant of all, sleazy remarks. Women and young gay men are routinely propositioned by straight men in Malta in a business context. It is beyond ghastly. To get along unscathed, women must wear invisible armour that gives off the vibes of an electric fence, and practise a basilisk stare. The downside is that the men then go off and run you down as a ‘friza’ and a ‘kiesha’ but it’s a whole lot better than giving them ideas.
When I leave the country and visit companies elsewhere in Europe, it strikes me immediately that many of the people in senior positions are women, that men don’t talk down to women, that women don’t flirt with men but are straightforward and businesslike, and best of all, men don’t talk over women and interrupt them, and women talk about things other than children. It feels like liberation. In the same way that when I was a child in the 1970s going to Italy felt like a whole new world of colour compared to the black, white and grey of Malta, leaving Malta now is a revelation of another kind – a social revelation. People have manners. Women are human beings.
I can talk about current affairs and social issues without having someone tell me – not as a compliment – that I am like a man, or hearing some blast from my teenage past say in the background, by way of excusing my unnatural behaviour, as though I were wearing a parrot in my hair and a feathered tail, “Daphne always had something to say for herself, even when we were kids” or, heard only last month, “She was always an individual,” (because you know, that’s a failing), or even worse, “How do you know about these things?” (because women don’t, apparently). Sometimes, I just give up and join the conversations about children, which have now become the conversations about university examinations and which university in which British city is best. I go back home and take two Syndol.
I have no doubt that much of the resentment directed towards me by those who support the Labour Party and would wish to mow me down is not primarily because of my views, but because those views are expressed in a rational manner by a woman. You can see it in their reactions. They don’t just want me silenced. That is not enough. They want me punished. It is two steps up from the primitive sentiment that had women burnt at the stake for witchcraft and still has women stoned and lashed in the public square for perceived misbehaviour.
A woman who doesn’t mince words in public is only acceptable if her views are chaotically expressed – as they are by so many women writing in the newspapers – or her arguments childish. That’s not threatening. That’s an example of how women should stick to the kitchen sink because they can’t think. Seeing that kind of writing doesn’t threaten men; it reassures them in their belief that women are inferior. But a woman who thinks, reasons and speaks in the public arena in a way deemed to be the cultural preserve of men? That’s an inversion of the natural order of things, and the woman who does it provokes outrage and immense irritation, especially in those men who are the targets of her criticism. Women get angry too, feeling threatened in a very different kind of way, or perhaps I should say challenged. To the typical Maltese boor, to be mocked in public is one thing. To be mocked in public by a woman is intolerable and the woman must be whipped. A whole parade of clowns has taken me to court not for lies or incorrect facts that I have written about them, but for having ‘exposed them to public ridicule’ – yes, my dears, that’s our primitive law for you – and they feel their masculinity, honour and dignity to have been impugned. This is Caltanisetta.
Look about you next time you go out, and be observant. What do you see? Women in gaggles together, talking about children and make-up, and men in other gaggles, talking about work, sport and making disparaging jokes about women. Sharpen your eyes and you’ll see something I noticed a long time ago: that Maltese men have one way of speaking to other men and a completely different way of speaking to women. Watch a group of men having a conversation and talking about ‘important things’. They’re wearing serious expressions and their conversation is deep. Watch the same men in conversation with women. They adopt the body language and facial expression of somebody talking to a child. Their conversation flits along the surface, reduced to rubbish chit-chat. If they think the woman is mildly attractive, their eyes no longer glaze over but their body signals become uncomfortably obvious (even if they themselves are impervious) and the woman ends up feeling like she’s back at a sixth-form disco, having the moves made on her by Tony from Applied Maths.
So all right, you can blame the women. Lots of Maltese women have no conversation at all, the result of never reading anything, not knowing what’s going on outside their hamster’s cage, and having been trained from toddlerhood not to seem ‘clever’ lest a prospective mate be frightened off. Maltese women don’t talk to men. They flirt. The affliction is so widespread that when a Maltese man comes across a woman who talks about something that isn’t just gas – she’s usually foreign, but of course, not a good-time girl from an impoverished country looking for a meal ticket – he doesn’t know how to handle it. You can see the cultural confusion thundering through his subconscious: the person before him is a woman, but he is expected to retrench and talk to her as though she is a man.
The ideal model of Maltese womanhood is somebody very short (not threatening, because the average height of Maltese men is 5’3”), obsessed with her appearance to a distressing degree (evidence of frivolity and so indicative of inferiority to men’s non-frivolous superiority), hides her light under a bushel and plays at being humble, dresses in an extremely conservative way when in a relationship and like a Broadway tart when not, and never, ever talks about her work. Even though she might have a high-flying career, she pretends she doesn’t. Just like those housewives of the 1950s who whipped away all the buckets and brooms before their husband came home, so that he wouldn’t see evidence of housework, so today’s women – the very, very few who have good jobs – make like they don’t.
When I pop down to supermarket, I can’t help noticing that most of the men touring the aisles are foreign, and that almost all the Maltese customers are women. If you see a Maltese man, then he is inevitably ‘helping’ his wife, presumably because he is unable to do the shopping on his own, even though he is the one with the car and the wallet, as is generally the case in these situations. Shopping is a woman’s job, but then I wonder – have women appropriated it for themselves, to have power and control over this one area and something to complain about (my god, the shopping…)? Men are natural product-aholics, and even if they are stingy in every other area of life, give them a shopping-trolley and aisle upon aisle of food products that are the equivalent of gadgets and they’re in heaven. Then they go home with a dozen gimmicky things they’ve seen advertised on TV and the wife hits the roof because they’ve blown the budget and are not allowed to go shopping again.
It’s interesting though – my husband is forever being accosted at the supermarket check-out by vague acquaintances who make a point of telling him how lucky I am because I have a husband who goes to the supermarket on Saturday while I am working. Of course, most of them are just mischief-makers, especially the women, but some of them must actually believe it. Funnily enough, the men who tell him how lucky I am because he shops don’t see how lucky he is because, unlike them, he doesn’t have a financially dependent wife wrapped like an albatross round his neck and he doesn’t have to pay all the bills himself.
This attitude speaks volumes about how we see things: a lucky spouse in Malta is a woman whose husband goes to the supermarket, and not a man whose wife works and shares the financial burden. But that might be because of another cultural problem which is far more widespread than we think, and largely invisible because people have pride and are determined to keep up appearances: the wife who is treated like a child in her own home, given a few euros of pocket money and no pocket money at all if she is naughty. To many Maltese men, a wife who doesn’t earn money is not a financial liability but an asset. She costs him nothing except the food she eats because he doesn’t give her money for anything else, and in return he gets free housework and childcare. So many women live in these appalling conditions, begging for everything from the only earner in the house, only to have him get a kick out of refusing, that I am beginning to think it is an unspoken national disease.
So what are the figures that prove my worst suspicions to be true? The World Economic Forum has just released an update of its gender-gap ranking of 130 countries, and Malta ranks 83rd. That’s right, 83rd. Norway is at the top, and Nordic countries generally head the rankings. Not only have we made a dire showing, but we have actually slipped seven places, down from 76th the last time the World Economic Forum released its list.
We are further behind Greece, Cyprus, Armenia, Suriname, Bolivia and even Malawi. Some of you may find yourselves provoked to disbelief, but think clearly: beneath the mask of affluence, of cars, houses, boats, jewellery, clothes and all the trappings of a sophisticated lifestyle, our culture is misogynistic to the point of violence. Indeed, that misogyny frequently does manifest itself in violence and hatred towards women, either individual women or women in general. Often, when I overhear conversations between men, I am appalled at the tone of contempt they reserve for discussing their wives, girlfriends and women colleagues. It’s disgraceful.
The World Economic Forum index assessed inequalities between men and women in four areas: economics (relative salaries, labour force participation rates, access to high-skilled and senior employment), education (relative literacy rates, enrolment in primary, secondary and tertiary schools), politics (relative female representation in parliament, in ministerial posts, as heads of state), and health (relative life expectancies, sex ratios at birth). Malta performed best in the areas of educational attainment and health and worst in political empowerment, although men also fared better than women in the area of economic participation and opportunity.
The abysmal attitude of Maltese men towards women is summed up in one comment posted beneath the news report on the World Economic Forum figures, on an on-line newspaper. I’m quoting it verbatim: “We dont care what Norway tops up. We only know the high amount of suicides that exist in Norway and other nordic countries. It’s better for Malta to be as last as possible in this matter. We can teach them something which they cant.” In other words, if women stay home, don’t get above their station, do their duty in the kitchen and bedroom and don’t start getting ideas about careers and public life, their sons and husbands won’t top themselves.
This article is published in The Malta Independent today.
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To borrow the heading of your previous article, my thoughts exactly.
My only problem is with supermarkets – not because I see it as a woman’s job, but because when I’m with my wife at the supermarket, we spend ages there. But then, we are better off for it, since if it wasn’t for her, we would spend twice as much on the same amount of products.
As for the rest, I guess I’m one of the lucky guys whose wife earns more than me. We also share all household chores, like everyone should.
The “trick” is to think of a woman as a person, an individual. Sexism is no different from racism, after all.
Sometimes i go out with my toddler for a walk. It’s amazing how people look at you. They always say “Where’s your mummy or nanna” or “illum mal-papa”. Maybe they think we’re separated or something. I decided to reduce some hours from work so that we can share parenthood. One of the first comments I heard was “is he normal, is something wrong with him?”.
I wouldn’t put the blame of the status of Maltese women in Maltese society totally on men. I would say the blame is pretty much 50/50. Indeed, male attitude towards women leaves much to be desired. I also have some very intelligent female friends who seem to find it pretty hard to settle down in a relationship with the average Maltese male, as the average Maltese male seems to be scared of a female with brains.
But alas, it’s also certain women themselves who seem to be stuck in this role and unwilling to change anything. I’ve encountered many a woman with a full-time job who first complain that their husband doesn’t help in the housework, then when they actually DO manage to convince him to do something, they have to repeat the chore after him because it’s not up to their standard (the reason probably being that the husband didn’t use two identical pegs when hanging an item of clothing, and the colour of the pegs did not match the colour of the said item). Also, I believe, it’s Maltese mothers who are contributing towards spoiling their sons rotten.
So whilst the Maltese male is very comfortable in his position of ruling the roost in Maltese society, the Maltese female which actually tries to step out of the house and get herself a job is too reluctant to loosen her grip on tasks traditionally associated with women.
[Daphne – Yes, some women do exaggerate the precision with which household tasks have to be carried out to ‘their’ standards, but in my experience, many men take the passive-aggressive stance of ensuring that their women will give up on asking them to do things, finding it quicker and easier to do it themselves. If a job needs to be done, the man will do it as sloppily or as badly as possible, and then when the slipshod nature of his work is pointed out, he will sulk and stomp around and say ‘Minnflok tghid grazzi?’, as though the household task is a favour to the woman. I have known women to be standing up on ladders with a load in their arms half falling off, calling a husband to help when he is in front of the television, and he says: ‘Just a second, this is a really good scene’ or ‘why must you always disturb me when I am relaxing?’. Many Maltese men definitely do perform household tasks associated in their minds with their mothers and not with their fathers (cleaning, clearing up) as badly as possible because they feel it beneath their dignity and to make sure they are not asked to do it again. The household tasks they associate with their fathers or with masculinity (changing plugs, touching up a crack in the plasterwork) they will perform efficiently and neatly, clearing up ‘their’ tools very carefully afterwards. Strange that the man who can polish his car to a high sheen can’t wash a floor with smearing it – passive aggression.]
Our labour force participation ranks 107 out of 130 countries, though we rank among the first for literacy and enrolment in secondary and tertiary education.
Malta’s profile can be viewed here: http://www.weforum.org/pdf/gendergap/ggg08_malta.pdf
The full World Economic Report is here: http://www.weforum.org/pdf/gendergap/report2008.pdf
I could not agree more with you Daphne! I, as a gay man, go through those charades and patronising comments and stares every day of my life. It is like, if there is a somewhat serious conversation going on one can not input anything into it.
The other day I was at the gym and the ever so patronising instructor addressed me as ”guy” to which I replied to hm that my name is Al and I would be really happy to be addressed as such. Il-bahnan replied in exactly these words: Eeeh, ijwa bilhaq u, ghax int mhux guy ghux? Sorry siehbi!
I mean, what would you say to that? And this is just one instance….. there are tonnes of these.
[Daphne – The important thing to do is not to collude, and to remember that it is far, far better to be disliked while keeping your dignity than to lose your dignity so as to be liked. A lot of women in Malta collude in the loss of their own dignity. Gay men tend to be better at retaining their dignity in the face of similar assaults and rudeness. After all, gay men are men, and faced with rudeness from another man, they have no problem dealing with it. It’s different with women, who are ‘programmed’ by Maltese social culture never to offend a man, cut him down or make him feel slighted, however ghastly his words or behaviour.]
It’s very difficult to look at this issue objectively when you are a man. It’s very easy to dismiss it as paranoia on the part of women. I’ve lived in a few countries (unfortunately not in Norway though), and I can’t say that the Maltese attitude or situation is very much different to any of the other places I have worked. I currently work for an English company, where all my bosses are male, where all the secretaries and receptionists are women. This is not unusual, although I do work in IT, which is dominated by men. In everyday life, things are pretty much the same. I live in France, where the supermarkets are full of women, and the diy and electronic stores are full of men. If you go to any social gathering of men, you’ll hear the same macho mixture of jokes and male bravado as you would in Malta. I’m not saying that this is somehow right, but outside of Norway, this is probably the norm.
Scandinavian societies got to where they are today through positive discrimination. I used to think that this was demeaning to women, and I still do on some level. But I think that it is a necessary sacrifice.
The bottom line is that if more women are seen in positions of political and economic power, masculinity will no longer be perceived as a necessary attribute for one to occupy those roles. If men are forced to let women into the corridors of power as equals, they might stop seeing them as sex-objects/housewives. They might actually stop and listen.
Positive discrimination is utilitarian, and objectionable on many levels, but I really do not see any other way to bring Malta within 82 years of Norway’s progress.
PS we also need co-ed schools (kids need to grow up working with people of the opposite sex).
And now back to work.
[Daphne – Co-ed schools make a huge difference, as the Maltese experience with the new independent schools, all of which are co-ed, shows.]
I work for a large multinational company in a major European city that is incidentally headed by a woman. Shouldn’t get better than that for gender equality, one would assume. My female colleagues have equal opportunities as their male counterparts.
I still hear comments from many (British) colleagues about a glass ceiling and that “it would be different if I was a man”. Lots of women use flirting to get noticed and break their (make-believe) glass ceiling.
Huge imaginary chip on many women’s shoulder? Most probably. But my point is also that the situation you described in your article is certainly not confined to Malta or any other low ranking country. Many women are often their worst enemies and still go around thinking they are discriminated against even when they are certainly not.
Dave: Blaming mothers is another way of shifting responsibility away from the individual. Even men who were spoilt rotten in their parents’ home are capable of sorting out the laundry and not expecting the fairies to do the dishes or iron their shirts.
That’s only half the story. Out in the working world, it’s depressing that comments I heard more than two decades ago (“you’re a girl so you don’t need a job”, “it’s not fair that you’re working when there are men who are unemployed”, “men are losing their jobs so women should stop work to give them a chance”, “we’re at a disadvantage because there’s a woman on our team”, “we don’t need a woman, we’re looking for a professional”, and my all-time favourite “you’ll need to make the tea for us when we have a meeting”) are still being made today.
Holland, I think you’ll find discrimination is just as rife in the UK as in Malta, but much as racism ‘seems’ to be contained, I don’t think it really is. It’s just politically correct to not discriminate on the basis of sex or race. It does happen though, it’s just more subtle than it is in Malta. I guess in the workplace, it matters which industry you’re in, but certainly in the IT industry, the number of woman is very small.
Daphne,
for once I can agree with one of your articles from beginning to end! I live abroad at the moment, and I have a husband who is willing to help with caring for our son, who since we left Malta is no longer embarrassed to go to a supermarket, who shares the cleaning (actually he does it better than I do) etc. When we are in Malta on holiday everything changes. I’m teased by friends as being the ‘career woman’. At every single party, even if we meet up for dinner, or go to the beach, there’s a group of women (often even lawyers, accountants etc by education) who only speak about children, detergents and handbags, and a group of men who talk about politics, the economy, and women’s tits. I just hate it, and my husband just can’t understand why I hate it. He says that he’s got no problem with my joining the men’s conversation, but he can’t understand that my problem is that I hate the sheer existence of separate men’s and women’s conversations!
Dave is right that a good part of the blame goes to Maltese mothers. I can understand that my grandmother’s generation spoiled boys rotten, but I can’t stand the fact that today’s young mums still behave in exactly the same way!
I agree with most of your article but would like to make a couple of points.
At the moment I am the only one working, with three kids (and the eldest being 3 years 3 months and the youngest 1 month) it is practically impossible for her to go to work right now, even though the two elder boys spend each morning at kindergarten. She, however, works from home in the mornings, as much as possible. The money is a welcome bonus, of course, but it also is a much needed “mental rest” so to speak. Once No 3 goes to kindergarten too then it’s back to work for her. Even though I am the main source of income right now, I dislike the notion that “I” pay the bills or that it’s my money! Since we are married, I quite frankly consider it OUR money and WE pay the bills.
Also I do around half the chores at home, the washing, half the ironing, emptying the dishwasher etc. After all my wife was hardly dilly-dallying all day long, as I’m sure you know raising three very young boys is two full time jobs in one!
As to the shopping I do 90% of it as there is a small supermarket right next to my office and a large one on the way home so it quite frankly makes sense – nothing to do with equality.
But I do get very annoyed when if, for example, I clean all the kitchen by myself after a meal, my wife tells me “Thank you”. It really gets under my skin because as I tell her repeatedly, its not “her job” but ours, and when she thanks me it’s as though she is saying I did something that she was supposed to do.
Comments from friends of ours like “Maaaaaaaaaa, how do you make David change nappies?” makes me feel like rubbing said used nappy in their faces. In reality, the kids become my “duty” when I get home at around 6, albeit only till about 8 when they go to sleep. I bathe them and put them to bed, chores I enjoy as it’s the only time I have “biex ingawdihom” so to speak and guard this time jealously.
One final point, average height of men is 5’3? Wow, I’m a giant the at a round 6′. My wife is actually 5’9, does that make her a giant too? To think my nickname for her is shorty!
[Daphne – Your wife is definitely a giant at 5’9″. I’m often the tallest person in the room, not just the tallest woman, and I’m only 5’7″. I know what you mean about the ‘thank you’ bit, but the way I look at it, rather than not saying thanks, what should happen is that the spouse who hasn’t done the chore should thank the one who’s done it, whoever that spouse is and whatever the chore. Men who don’t thank their wives for doing the laundry somehow expect to be thanked when they cook lunch or change a light-bulb.]
I am a middle-class white male (I cannot be more average than I am), so I might be shot down for even saying what I am about to say. However, I will anyway.
To me a lot of what women say about men is a conspiracy theory. The same as people blaming Jews for controlling the world, I think that some women like blaming men, with their evil penises and what-not, for controlling the world and keeping them back.
Do I believe that some men are stupid to the point of being retarded and like keeping women back? Yes I do.
But do I really believe that men control the world, and are to blame for keeping women down? Absolutely not.
What are my reasons for believing so? Well, for starters, I am fed up with the attitude of most women I know. They simply want to stay at home, washing the floor for the fourth time this week, and watching Dejjem Tieghek Becky. Then when asked why they do so, they point at The Man.
I tried having some half-decent conversation with some women. I just gave up. Most are superficial, boring, and with an aim in life that is limited to popping out more children, and washing the floor again. Younger women seem to be fixated with dressing up, and putting on make up.
I know this is an attitude sometimes instilled on them by their parents, and society as a whole, but sometimes you have to break up this mould yourself, instead of passing it onto your kids.
What about positive discrimination? I have lost numerous opportunities abroad ( including an internship with Google), because they told me that they are hiring only women this year, to make up for past lost opportunities. So, these guys do not seem to notice the word Discrimation in Positive Discrimination? How can you make up for past discriminations, by adding more? And are women really comfortable with so many free handouts? Well, apparently they are.
I work in the IT industry. Recently the government has invested ( read as: wasted ) a lot of money to attract more females into this area. Now, when I asked fellow female students in university, whether they would choose such a course, they always complain that it is too hard. The same goes for engineering. For many young females in Malta, a University choice normally is based on showing up to Communications, or some other course, and getting an easy degree. ( I know most people in such courses will be pissed off, but come on, will you compare such a course, to IT, or engineering?) So I repeat my above point, such a problem is in their lazy superficial attitude.
Looking around at University, I sometimes even got a feeling, based on effort put into their course, amount of make up put on at 8 in the morning, and also other body language signals, that some females were there for one reason. To find a “mate” as to stop working, and then stay comfortable at home, while he earns the daily bread. Some girls that work as waitresses give me the same vibe, too.
So am I all talk and no walk? No. After dating a bit around on these islands, and finding too many shallow people, I gave up. That is why right now I am at my happiest, in a very stable relationship with a Finnish girl. ( Finland always rates high in such lists, by the way.) And for the last year and a half she has moved here, before we both move abroad together. And we are happy.(The reason we are waiting for now is a financial reason).
Every time I go to Finland with her, to stay with her parents for a while, I am impressed. I am impressed by the characteristics of females there. That women are so reliable, they control the household, they all want to work, be something, know how to talk, what to say, how to be interesting. Are their men any different? Not at all, I believe. They still seem a bit immature, with stupid jokes, and a lot of drinking. But the females have actually took everything into their hands, and made something out of themselves. You want to be impressed? Listen to their president, who is a female, might I add.
So overall I agree that as a society, us Maltese are on the brink of failing, but please, pretty please, do not automatically blame it on us men.
Any man with brains ( if there ever was one ) would, or rather should, be pissed off at what he sees in this country. How can you plan to marry and spend the rest of your life, with a person whose major achievement was meeting you, and the peak of her life will be marrying you? How can that ever work out?!
Also most of these females do not even have the motivation to make friends! Can you imagine what strain that will cause on a relationship, when her only friend is you?
Sorry for the huge length of this rant, but I have broken up with too many people just because every date was like playing the game Twenty questions.
“How was today?” “Orrajt”
“How was school?” “Orrajt”
“Do you like music?” “Yes”
“Do you have any hobbies?” “Not really”
“For the love of god, say something other than OK!” “Ok”
And the proof that it is not just me? Even women tend to hate each other for similar reasons, and prefer to hang out with males.
And about males… I am not saying that they are not vain useless boring presumptuous drones, but to be honest, I never worried about having to date one.
Thank God for this article. It’s spot on. I am tired of being sneered at whenever I go to the supermarket, because I do the shopping, not my wife. I feel bad about leaving her for too long with two very young kids, but being self employed requires effort and time, and that’s always a big issue. The household chores should be shared, and we make it a point to involve each other in all our lives away from the house. I invariably sound my wife out even on business decisions, because she is not in business but in people skills, something that I do not profess to possess in spades, and most business is based on people skills. I thank my mum. She was of the opinion that a man should do things in the house as well as any woman, if not better, because a home is a common project. I wash up kitchen things better than my wife as a result, and although my wife is a good cook, I am a far better one, because I can cook old Maltese, nouvelle cuisine,and avidly read recipes to see the imagination in them. Again, thank you, mum. So although in general I think Daphne is right, yet she cannot generalise, because I know many men who are just like me, and who don’t loaf around or spend their free time at the kazin or the new equivalent, the gym.
Sometimes there are extremes too – I know of one couple, more acquaintances then friends but anyway. When they got married, seeing that they both worked and earned roughly the same amount, they agreed to split the bills. This worked fine for a couple of years. Then they had a child and so she had to take some unpaid leave as in any case both their parents worked and they did not yet want to trust a stranger with their daughter. The husband could not understand why he had to start giving his wife money for expenses. His cheque was HIS. They are currently getting separated.
[Daphne – The vast majority of husbands are like that, in my experience. The ones who are not are by far the exception. Everything starts out fine as long as the wife is working and earning and has money of her own. The minute she becomes dependent because she has children, the problem that was masked before is then unmasked. Getting money out of the husband is like getting blood out of a stone. He suddenly realises that a wife and children cost money, that the household expenses are twice what he thought they were. The woman becomes a beggar in her own household and reaches the point where she prefers to go without rather than cajole, persuade and lose what remains of her dignity in trying to wrest money off her husband to buy necessities, let alone fun things. This is one of the primary causes for the breakdown of marriages, yet we are told that marriages break down when women go to work. No, they don’t. They break down when women are not able to work because of children and are shocked to discover what it means to be financially dependent on somebody else like they were when they were at school.]
I really hate this whole equality bulls**t. We’re not equal. There are some things women do better than men, and some things men do better than women. Actually, everyone is different so that should be there are some things some people do better than others. Can’t we just use common sense? If my wife wields a screwdriver better than I do, doesn’t it make sense she puts up the shelf. If I make a mean Lasagna, doesn’t it make sense for me to cook. If my wife is out this morning, doesn’t it make sense for me to change my daughter’s nappies this morning? There are no jobs which are mine, and others which are hers. We tend to gravitate towards her doing certain things and to me doing others. So yes, she does the shopping. First of all she enjoys it, and secondly, it’s more practical she does it, because she can go on a Monday morning, when there are practically no one at the supermarket. I can’t, and would have to go on a Saturday morning, which is hell. Having said that, there is nothing in our “marriage contract” that says shopping is her job. When she was unable to do it for a few weeks, then I did it. When we did our house up, I skimmed the walls, and she painted. I skim better than she does, and she paint better than me (patience thing!!)
As I mentioned before, in IT there seems to be a ratio of about 99% men to 1% women. Why? I don’t know. Maybe there is an artificial barrier to women in IT. Maybe our brains work differently, and women are more creative, while men are more logical. Whatever it is, I don;t think we should artificially try and change it. If there are certain barriers, by all means get rid of them, but don’t force women into jobs they don’t really want. As far as I know there is nothing stopping young British women entering IT, but they don’t.
@ David Buttigieg: Not only does hearing “thank you” make one feel appreciated, but saying “thank you” also makes the person saying thanks feel a better person (appreciative) for it. It also feels good to let one know you appreciate him/her. Don’t deny your wife that feeling.
By thanking you, she is not saying you did something that she was supposed to do. She is only showing you that she appreciates you.
It’s not enough to appreciate your partner, and that your partner appreciates you. I believe it actually helps the relationship if both show their appreciation, even with a simple “thank you” or “I love you”.
I left Malta 12 years ago as my non-Maltese girlfriend could not stand living there anymore. Every time we went out with my friends, they had no idea what to do with her. The men would hardly speak to her because they found her threatening for the reasons which you describe; the women hardly spoke to her either because they had almost nothing in common with a woman who was university-educated, had informed opinions and did not behave in front of men as if she was a ten-year old girl. As I said, this was 12 years ago so things might be a little different now. It’s also curious how, now that we have kids, my wife gets along much better with many of these people when we visit Malta.
@Kenneth,
Well, yes I do see your point and I assure you we do say how much we love each other even though it doesn’t need saying. We say thank you too each other too of course but what does get to me is when she says it like I did a favour out of generosity or pity so to speak.
“Daphne – The vast majority of husbands are like that, in my experience”
Well, that’s scary then!
In this day and age there should be no place for macho-ness. The time when “Kinder, Küche, Kirche” was the norm is an echo of a bygone era.
A female is a fool if she accepts this, and a man is a greater fool for expecting his partner to kowtow to her master. Let’s be honest, one needs an opposing view, as much as one needs a whetstone for a knife. If one seeks a yes partner, than his life is indeed a dull one.
Personally speaking, we don’t have one thing that is a man thing, or one that is soley’s a woman’s dept. Sure I do the shopping, and most of the offspring taxiing, and willingly help out in the kitchen department. Semmelknödel anyone?
[Daphne – “A female is a fool if she accepts this, and a man is a greater fool…”; why do Maltese people insist on referring to women as ‘females’ while men are just men?]
[Daphne – “A female is a fool if she accepts this, and a man is a greater fool…”; why do Maltese people insist on referring to women as ‘females’ while men are just men?]
I originally wrote:
A female is a fool if she accepts this, and “her partner” is a greater fool for expecting his partner to kowtow to her master.
Before hitting the send, I read it over and found too many partners running around. No disrespect intended.
Are the vast majority of men like that? Can we have a poll?
Even before I we were married, the money we made was our money. We have one account, and wherever the money comes from it goes into the account. The only problems are birthdays, where you can’t hide big purchases!
Actually we have a joint account that our income goes into. We have equal access to it so nobody has to ask anybody for money!
@Marku
I am currently experiencing the same problem you did. This because my girlfriend can’t stand my Maltese friends, exactly for the same reasons as your girlfriend. And since we do not intend to have kids any time soon, it is difficult to see her getting on well with them any time soon. So at the moment, every time I plan a trip to Malta, I have to go alone, and for the shortest time possible.
[Daphne – Guess what? My husband has the same problem, but his wife is Maltese, has lived here all her life, has had children, and still feels exactly the same way your girlfriends do. I have lost count of the number of times our departure from a party/supper/reception/whatever has been marked by me slamming the car-door and saying (well, yelling would be more like it by that point): “Don’t EVER put me in that position again. Next time, go alone.” And, of course, if he does go alone, the same boring bitches and tedious boors who make an evening with Two And A Half Men on Paramount Comedy seem like the height of fun spend the entire evening asking him where I am and making the mental leap from my absence to my departure from the family home. Life on a small island – Brrrrrrrr!]
Such an accurate article. But why do you put up with it? Why not just go live somewhere better?
[Daphne – Bit too late for that. I’ve got too much invested in my life here, and I don’t mean financially. But I have to say that if I were 21 I would be off like a shot.]
Daphne, sorry to break the bad news, but it’s even worse than you described. Men in the 16-30 (and counting) age bracket don’t even talk about work and sport, but about picking up chicks and shagging. Metrosexuals one and all, what.
[Daphne – I have three sons in their 20s, so you’re not breaking any news. One of them returned from a stint living in Rome some time ago and was desperate at the thought of being forced back into the No Conversation social scene. He had to leave and come back to realise just how great the problem is.]
So many good points, I hardly know where to begin. For starters, your article is very spot-on, Daphne, and I am sure that many professional women who are members of so-called men’s professions sympathise with you.
Like Nicola, I cannot get over the fact that wherever I go, there’s a men’s group and a woman’s group, the latter talking about kids, school and exams, make-up and nail extensions, and the former talking serious business. I usually end up sitting there in a semi-stuporous state, letting the inanities go in from one ear and out from the other, and dying to join in with whatever the men are talking about, which is always (without exception) more interesting.
Sometimes, when things become unbearable, I do just as I please and join the men’s group. If they’re not close friends and colleagues who know me well enough, I usually get the “What are you doing here?” stare from the men, and the “What does she think she is?” look from their wives.
At times like this, I am always rather suprised at how so many perfectly intelligent (sometimes intensely intelligent) men, end up married to women who can talk nothing but kids and body-care, with a smattering of household tips put in for good measure, and to make the conversation even duller. *sigh*
Re Maltese men, and their (according to Daphne) close to universal tendency to resent sharing their pay-cheque with their wives and families, I think that I depends on how one actually views one’s marriage. If one continues looking at money as a “his” and “hers” thing even after marriage, I think it is asking for trouble. Whatever is earned by both spouses during a marriage is basically the money of both, and should be looked upon as such, whether there are two wages (two spouses working) or one, whether it is the husband working or the wife. If one keeps this in mind, there should be no problems.
@ Steve, who says that we are “not equal” – think again! We (men and women) may not be identical, may not be not alike, may not have the same aptitude for doing certain jobs, or be attracted to the same one, but one thing we certainly are is equal – equal in value, especially where it matters most: intellectually (although some women can fool one, and go through life trying hard to disprove the fact), spiritually, in moral matters etc…..Who cares whom of two spouses can paint the walls more neatly, or who can change the babies’ nappies faster? Are these the mundane things which determine equality? No…equality pertains to the higher human functions and attributes, and there, certainly, both sexes are equal.
And this is what (some) men resent and what makes them feel threatened. They wouldn’t really give a flying fig if women were better than them at doing the shopping or changing a baby’s nappy, would they? No. What bothers them is that women can be intellectually equal (or superior) and surpass them in the important thing: like at their jobs, in their professions, in their studies etc. In other words, they resent being beaten at what they consider “their own game”, i.e. where it counts, and where they consider themselves (sometimes even subconsciously) to be “superior”.
Men’s group and women’s group at parties? That’s easy to break…I stay wherever my wife is, even if I end up the only man in the group.
[Daphne – Doesn’t that annoy her, or are you still in the first flush?]
I think that things have changed over the past ten years or so. I personally don’t recognise any of my friends (both men and women) in your apocalyptic descriptions. The crucial element in all this is mobility. The questions are: Do you feel that there’s life beyond the tiny confines of Malta or not? Are you ready to take the plunge? Friends who decided to stay put got married at 26, had kids, are generally content, put on a few kilos but get frustrated from time to time. Friends who left are generally unmarried at 32, don’t feel tied down and tend to move around a lot. Men and women. Never forget, though, that many many people (men and women) prefer comfort and security to adventure, challenging conversation and the uncertainty of what tomorrow might bring…
Incidentally, men are terribly stupid if they don’t realise the obvious benefits of having girlfriends/wives who work. You assume that many men don’t like it. You’d be surprised how many think it’s a real gift from God that women want to share the burdens of a working life.
I hold a key position in a prominent institution and I have discovered that fellow women colleagues try to put me down at every available opportunity. I have never found difficulties with male colleagues and this is saying quite something considering the environment in which I work.
Women are women’s worst enemies.
…or my wife in the men’s group, as long as we’re together. What’s more…my wife’s not just my wife…she’s also my best friend and it’s her conversation I enjoy most.
“But I have to say that if I were 21 I would be off like a shot.”
I know, I feel like I missed the EU boat by 10 years!
Lejber have so much to answer for!
[Daphne – I missed it by 20. My friends who left at 18 were illegal immigrants, hiding from the immigration police in England, Germany, Sweden and Italy.]
If you want to analyse how much gender issues / relationships have evolved in the US, I strongly suggest you watch the following TV series:
Mad Men (office ethics and relationships in New York 1960) – 2 seasons have been shown so far; and
Life on Mars (cop series in 1973 New York)- this is a new series
Dear mf: In my view, the problem with living in a small place like Malta is that there are less opportunities to choose your friends. You sort of fall into a group of friends as you go through the usual adolescent phases of life in Malta: muzew, secondary school, sixth form (in my time). It was really only when I went to university that I had the chance to meet a few like-minded individuals. In my experience this is not just a problem in Malta – small towns in other countries often create the same problems. Of course in those countries you have an easier time moving out of your community if you are unhappy there. This is more difficult if you live in a country the size of a small town – especially if you have already created a life for yourself, as Daphne pointed out when asked why she doesn’t just leave.
P.S. Daphne: your political writings are great but topics like this are in my view what puts you head and shoulders above most of your colleagues. This is why your blog and your articles probably generate more interest than most other blogs and articles put together.
@ David Buttigieg: We have the same lifestyle , kids and all. I am older than you my number 3 is fifteen. Keep it up.
At Nigret Zurrieq one finds a lot of men shopping in the early morning just after the milk and bread arrives at the mini market.
I saw something similar at a Paola supermarket.
Some 21 years ago I started doing the shopping from the said supermarket , the old (women) shoppers used to offer me to jump the queue “ghax nahsib mghaggil dun!” Nowadays its totally different.I would say that three out of ten shoppers are men in this part of Malta.
@ Daphne: How many places is Italy behind Norway?
[Daphne – John, Corinne posted a link to the full World Economic Forum report somewhere up above. You’ll find everything you need to know there.]
“Doesn’t that annoy her, or are you still in the first flush?”
Not really, and we’ve been together for 12 years (and married for 8 years). But of course, it’s not like I’m glued to her…she sometimes goes out alone with friends.
I emigrated to the U.K. in 1970 and paid £2 2s. 6d.
for my ticket, lived there for 6 years, came back for
another six, then went back for seventeen. I never lost
my Maltese accent and came back every year but somehow
I think differently. It’s difficult to explain – I
don’t fall into any group, do things because that’s how it’s
done here or care what people say.
I feel very very strongly that every young person should
live abroad for at least a year to learn to think for his or her self and to do washing, cleaning, shopping etc.
without mummy to help!
[Daphne – You know, I was just thinking of you in the context of this discussion. The vast majority of people commenting on this blog are men. Of the few women who comment regularly, all but one or two have lived and worked away from Malta. And of those others whose identities I do not know, most of them have given enough information about themselves to suggest that they work in demanding jobs/careers here or elsewhere. So this blog boils down to a microcosm of exactly what we are talking about here.]
Interesting. As an Englishman living here for a couple of years, I was soon aware of the subtle difference between women here and in the rest of Europe. Since I have chosen to keep myself to myself it took me a very long time to begin to understand what this difference was. Despite your saying that Maltese women flirt, they certainly don’t do so with strange foreigners! Back in the UK, I had several platonic female friends and have an easy relationship with women. Almost invariably, any trip to a major shopping area would result in eye-to-eye contact with an attractive woman and an exchanged smile – not flirting as such but more a response to my unspoken ‘you look nice’.
That just never happens in Malta and I originally put it down to the belief that women here are more old-fashioned and religious. Slowly, from snippets here and there (mostly in The Times, I’m afraid) I began to realise that something darker was the cause. This article really blows the lid on the condition of women here and it’s very sad. Maltese women are extremely attractive – more so than British women but even though I choose to live here, I see much is wrong with Maltese society, despite the low crime and high Christianity. The most obvious is a lack of responsibility and of having no consideration for others. You can see this in the rubbish dropped everywhere and in the honking of horns in residential areas and the slamming of doors late at night. It’s not even deliberate, it just doesn’t enter the thinking of most Maltese.
I love Malta and the Maltese, or else I would not live here but, despite its modern appearance, the malaise is due to a peasant mentality that prevents change and evolution happening at the same rate as more enlightened countries. I rate true peasants as highly as anyone but that aspect which gets stuck in tradition and does not grow with the times is sad indeed.
The discussion here’s taken a funny turn. Why assume going out to work will make a woman’s conversation more interesting? Some of the most boring people I know are men who have worked all their lives. Some of the most interesting people I know are women who don’t work, but who take an interest in more than what’s happening to them or what they did that day, which is the theme that typifies a bore’s monologue, whether the bore is a man or a woman.
It’s an interest in the outside world – outside the individual’s existence, that is, not just outside the individual’s home – that makes a person interesting or not.
@dcg – With all due respect, while your article is a very good article and does contain some truths, I feel that it is also full of sweeping generalisations – basically putting all Maltese men in one basket. From my experience I think that I can safely say that, while situations like you describe undoubtedly exist and perhaps will continue to exist for the forseeable future, women and men in Malta are becoming more and more aware of their potential and slowly but surely realising it. You only need to examine the statistics of women choosing to follow tertiary education and try to project yourself into the future as to who would be the more qualified, at least on the academic front, in order to get my meaning.
I honestly feel that your article paints a picture which may have been a truthful one some decades ago but which falls short of taking into account the developments which have been going on our society and which will undoubtedly persist until a point is reached where women would be viewed as equals by men and where women would be accorded as much rights as men. It could be that it might take some more time but I feel that that is where we are headed. Your article could do with some optimism for the future. Not all is black for the concept of equality of women on the horizon and this is something all society should be thankful for. I think that that much should be made clear to all and sundry. – Keep up the good work.
The overall ranking of Malta in the WEF report is somewhat misleading. In the field of ‘Educational Attainment’ Malta is in 47th place ahead of Germany, Greece, Spain, Holland, Iceland, Belgium, Austria, Japan and Switzerland – the last being in 88th place. In the ‘health and survival’ category we take 74th place ahead of Sweden, Luxembourg, Spain, Italy, Iceland and Denmark. Looking at the figures in more detail one finds that working Japanese women earn $17802 annually on a purchasing parity basis and can expect 78 years of healthy life expectancy. Their Maltese sisters who work will earn $12834 and live healthily for 73 years. In Ukraine, working women will earn an unspectacular $4970 and croak when they’re 64. Yet Ukraine has an overall ranking of 62, Malta occupies the 83rd spot and Japan brings up the rear with a ranking of 98. So Japan is awarded the wooden spoon because their women go to school, earn big bucks and basically live forever! If this is a bad deal for the Japanese then I’d like to sign on as well. Ukraine is rewarded because their women work hard for 40 years in miserable conditions and drop dead as soon as they’re eligible for a tiny pension.
Malta’s score is skewed by the low rate of women’s labour force participation and ‘political empowerment’. Daphne suggests that the main reason that few Maltese women work is because their husbands ‘force’ their wives to stay at home. This may indeed be true but I suspect there is another reason. Manufacturing industry in Malta has declined sharply; many of these factories were big employers of women especially in the textiles and garments sector. Several women occupied supervisory and middle management roles. The jobs disappeared and, frankly, were never really replaced. I believe many women simply left the workforce altogether when the textiles industry died or worked in the underground economy for family businesses which the WEF would never be able to detect.
As far as ‘political empowerment’ is concerned I can understand many women’s reluctance to become embroiled in the Maltese political scene – many men feel the same way! We should remember, however, that practically every woman MP in the last Nationalist administration was awarded a cabinet post of some kind. But to get selected they have to run for election in the first place.
Ukrainian women are better represented in the Duma (Parliament) at Kiev. That must be of great comfort to them as they trudge wearily through the snow to a poorly paid mind-numbing job and an early grave.
[Daphne – “Daphne suggests that the main reason that few Maltese women work is because their husbands ‘force’ their wives to stay at home.” That’s not at all what I wrote. My view is quite different, in fact: that most women here don’t work because they’re too lazy and enjoy living the life of a large child with cash hand-outs. That is, of course, if they’re not taken up with raising children. But otherwise, what in heaven’s name do they do all day?]
Er, Daphne, I wasn’t talking about the situation in Malta, but all over western Europe. The Italians might even be worse than the Maltese in this regard. Malta does not hold the monopoly on anything, except population density.
[Corinne Vella: The discussion here’s taken a funny turn. Why assume going out to work will make a woman’s conversation more interesting? Some of the most boring people I know are men who have worked all their lives. Some of the most interesting people I know are women who don’t work, but who take an interest in more than what’s happening to them or what they did that day, which is the theme that typifies a bore’s monologue, whether the bore is a man or a woman.
It’s an interest in the outside world – outside the individual’s existence, that is, not just outside the individual’s home – that makes a person interesting or not.]
Agree completely.
[Daphne – Yes, so do I. The vast majority of Maltese men work, and the vast majority of those are boorish and boring, which is why the vast majority of women find gay men a zillion times more amusing and straight men can’t understand it and get defensive about it.]
“which is why the vast majority of women find gay men a zillion times more amusing and straight men can’t understand it and get defensive about it.”
That’s what you think:) – http://www.kewego.co.uk/video/iLyROoaftI9-.html
I love to read your (Daphne’s) articles and posts…most of the time, but it’s certain generalisations (<== your spell checker is American, and I refuse to put a z where an s should go!) that drive me nuts!! 99% of your posts are factual, interesting and useful in that they bring to the fore genuine problems in Maltese society. My gripe is with the other 1%, the bit that implies everywhere else is perfect. Malta is not perfect, we can all agree on that. It has its own problems and peculiarities, but so does anywhere else you care to go! It’s statements like “The vast majority of Maltese men work, and the vast majority of those are boorish and boring” (maybe they do, and are, but you could probably say that about most men, anywhere!) or “almost all the Maltese customers are women” (have you been to a British or French supermarket lately?)
Do you honestly think that you’ll find nirvana elsewhere? (“But I have to say that if I were 21 I would be off like a shot.”) The grass is always greener…and all that, is so true. For every problem of Maltese society you highlight, I can give you equally compelling problems in British, French, Italian or German society. They’ll be different problems no doubt, but problems nonetheless.
I wouldn’t want you to stop highlighting those problems (not that I think you would if I asked you to :) ), but I do wish you wouldn’t make out that everywhere else is so much better. It isn’t, it’s just different! Please remember that a lot of people who read your articles may never have been any further than a quick trip to Catania. Don’t fill their heads with stories of countries with streets paved with gold. They don’t exist.
To give you a little context to my rant, I’m a Maltese man (therefore boorish and boring), I’m one of those who did leave, and have lived in Germany, the UK and France, so feel slightly qualified to compare these places to Malta. I don’t regret leaving Malta, if I did, there’s nothing holding me from going back. I don’t rule out ever going back though. It is too crowded though, and I don;t see that changing for the better. (lots of places in the countries I’ve mentioned that are crowded too) On the other hand, maybe Norway is perfect….Anyone know of a decent job in Oslo?
‘Don’t fill their heads with stories of countries with streets paved with gold. They don’t exist.’ – Steve
100% Steve. I live in Ireland. Have no Maltese friends here, so I socialise with the locals. It’s the same craic, same subjects over a pint, they complain that the income tax went up by 1% and electricity by 20% and so on…. and above all these ‘perfect’ Westerners look at women the same way I do. Can’t go into detail as my partner (she’s Irish) is just beside me:))
Daphne, there is as much trouble here as there is (if not more) in Malta and the rest of the world. banks going bankrupt, or being bailed out, property value going down by 10% – 30% a year, unemployment shot up to 6.7%…and will almost double next year. I work in Northern Ireland(UK) where there is an even worse situation…. on top of all these problems the Sterling is in S$%te!! Will I continue??
This is similar to the 80’s. I don’t remember those days, but of what I read, the opposition and its supporters in Malta blamed the government for doing nothing about the economic problems, bla bla bla….. the history is just repeating itself. The answer is: WE WILL HAVE TO SIT TIGHT AND WAIT. Malta depends economically on other countries, no other way about it!!
In one short sentence: IT’S THE SAME SH^TE, DIFFERENT COUNTRY.
[Daphne – I’m beginning to think that this is the blog for the Maltese diaspora.]
‘Daphne – I’m beginning to think that this is the blog for the Maltese diaspora.’
Not at all, but please, let’s paint the right picture…
Nowadays, it is women who bring other women down and not men. Some women prefer to remain under the radar as not to attract unnecessary attention from women who love to pass underhanded comments. Women need to start to respect other women and praise their intelligence rather than their stupidity (and this is often done in front of men- so then we wonder why they don’t respect us!).
Christian :
The mentality, that Malta sucks, and everywhere and anywhere else is heaven is usually the preserve of those who have never lived anywhere else. I bet many of those who have left were under that impression before they left. And I bet most were disappointed! People are basically the same everywhere. There are cultural differences of course, but just as there is racism in Malta there is racism in France, just as there is worry about fuel prices in Malta there is worry about fuel prices in Malta, and just as there as there are job losses in Malta there are job-losses in Germany.I still don’t know much about Norway!
[Daphne – The mistake you make is in replicating your environment once you leave the country. Why swap a dull job in Malta for a dull job elsewhere? Might as well stay in Malta. Why swap a crummy suburb in Malta for a crummy suburb elsewhere? Might as well not leave. Why swap a boring social life in Malta for a dull social life somewhere else? The point you’re missing is that Malta offers no choice, but larger countries do. The sad thing is that so many Maltese leave Malta and stay within their limited parameters, moving from one dull job with dull colleagues to another dull job with duller colleagues in another country. But hey, guess what? The likelihood is that where you are living, there are plenty of exciting careers and exciting people. It’s either that you’re not up to it, or you haven’t found it, or you’re not looking for it. On the other hand, here in Malta…..]
[Daphne – Yes, so do I. The vast majority of Maltese men work, and the vast majority of those are boorish and boring, which is why the vast majority of women find gay men a zillion times more amusing and straight men can’t understand it and get defensive about it.]
Really?
I take it you were just exaggerating to get the point across when you wrote that the average Maltese man is 5’3″ – the average Joe Borg is, beyond any doubt, more than 5’3″. The average for the X-generation is about 5’5″, and about 5’7″ for the generation born in the 80s. I agree that Malta is a nation of short people – but you can hardly criticise it or hate it for this.
[Daphne – No, the average Joe Borg is NOT more than 5’3″, and the average for X-generation, by which I take it you mean mine, is not 5’5″. I should know, because I stood head and shoulders above most of the boys of my year. Even so, 5’5″ is by no means tall for a man. Though I agree – the current generation in their 20s are way taller.]
Daphne, there is nothing about my life now that in anyway remotely resembles my life in Malta. I live in the countryside, in a large house, with a very big garden surrounded by vines. Very different from the flat I lived in when in Malta. My job is not dull, in fact I work for a large UK company, but do so remotely from home. Again something which in no way replicates any job I had in Malta. My social life is very different to what it was when I was in Malta, but that is because I am older, I’m married and I have a daughter. Social life tends to change when you get older. I don’t remember my social life being dull at all, and I had many a wonderful evening when I was in Malta. I like my social life now, even if it is a little quieter than it used to be, but that’s ok, I’ve grown up! Priorities change!
So I’m not exactly sure where your assumption that I (or anyone else) have tried to replicate Malta in my little corner of France, came from. Malta has it’s faults, but so has everywhere else. You now have the option to go almost everywhere if you don’t like it, but please don’t think it’s all rosy. The one thing I would hold against Malta is the overcrowding. I like my space. In most other things, there isn’t much of a difference. There are good and bad points everywhere.
[Daphne – My assumption was based on your suggestion that those who leave Malta to live and work don’t have a better life. You clearly do, so perhaps you were talking about others.]
Daphne:
Not boasting! Yes, here in Ireland I realised some of my dreams including living in the country-side on a 4 1/2 acre(20 tumoli) piece of land and also owning 2 other houses. Got a much better job here, and have the opportunity of going back to uni, as in Malta didn’t, because was working 2-3 jobs in a go to survive. So it’s really not the case of doing the same stuff. My point was that in general, although things are different, we still have the same worries, habits and enjoyment. What Maltese love or hate, is loved or hatd elsewhere, and it doesn’t if you’re black, white or yellow.
When it comes to racism…. that’s an even longer story. I happened to be blonde so it’s not a big problem until I open my mouth:)) Especially when I am not in the three towns that people would know me. Then I become a Litho (short for Luthuanian) or a Pole (polish), then I mention Malta….. ‘Ah Spanish!!’:)) It so happens that these people don’t bother with others from the nearest town let alone country. Now, luckily enough my partner and family are Irish, so as I mentioned before, the situation is different in the home-town.
One advice for those thinking to up and fly half way across the world: DO NOT GO ALONE
P.S. My sis told me that in Malta today was 29c, here is 11c(which is very good), last week was -1c:)))
ENJOY THE SUNSHINE!!!
Daphne -I didn’t say I didn’t have a better life, and I didn’t say you can’t have a better life, all I was trying to say is that a lot of Malta’s problems are not particular to Malta. Malta’s overcrowding tends to amplify them in that you can’t get away from certain things. One of your main themes is how can 50% of the population vote for someone like Alfred Sant. My retort is how can 50% of the population(of those that voted) have voted for George Bush…TWICE! Another favourite of yours is the quality of English spoken in Malta. My retort would be, 99% of the French and the Italians can only dream of speaking as good (bad) English as most Maltese.
[Daphne – Ah, but they didn’t grow up in an ‘English-speaking country’.]
Both Christian and myself should be dissing Malta at every chance we get, not defending it. We’ve got a life here, we probably couldn’t have in Malta, but we are here on this blog saying it’s not as rosy as it seems! We’re either nuts, or just being realistic. Not everyone in Ireland lives in the countryside, on 4 1/2 and has a beautiful Irish girlfriend (sorry Christian just taking a wild guess!) And not everybody in France lives in a large house and gets to see their daughter growing up because they work from home. A lot of the Irish and the French have the same problems some of the Maltese do. Working multiple jobs to make ends meet (that’s when they can find a job) Rising fuel and electricity prices etc etc
Thanks Steve. I rest my case….for now.
“Ah, but they didn’t grow up in an ‘English-speaking country”
Is it really an English speaking country? I was brought up in the UK, and went back (actually taken back) to Malta when I was 14. I spoke only English, and I went to a private school, so you’d expect me not to learn Maltese, because basically I wouldn’t need it. That wasn’t the case. I had to learn Maltese because that was the language my friends spoke. That was the language quite a few of the teachers spoke. So what hope do those that go to a government school have? English is a second language for the majority of the Maltese.
Well, one of the main thing that gets to me about Malta is no-one’s fault! It’s the size!
The closest you can get to a change of scenery (besides the expense of going abroad) is Gozo, which is hardly a change.
My friend lives in Luxembourg, which is hardly a large country, but on weekends he just gets into his car and drives over to France or Germany, sometimes a 6 hour drive but it’s worth it!
Whenever we go abroad we always rent a car and travel around the country with it!
Friends of mine who live in Luxembourg say it is the most boring place in Europe and its health service stinks.
[Daphne – Your point being what, exactly?]
David Buttigieg: “The closest you can get to a change of scenery (besides the expense of going abroad) is Gozo,”
…except if you live there, of course.
The thing is while on paper someone in say the UK, France or Germany has more opportunity than someone in Malta, in practice that isn’t true for the majority. Let me give you an example. I live in a pretty rural area, and it’s great if like me, you can work from home. For a lot of the kids around here, the only options are farmer, work in a supermarket/diy store etc etc or go to a big city. Now to go to say Paris from here is a 1 hour drive and then a 2 1/2 hour train. So you’re going to have to go live there. So basically they have the same obstacles as someone living in Malta. And believe me, not everyone is cut out to move far from home. The majority of people live within an hour drive from where they were brought up.
David Buttigieg : Ok, people have the option of jumping into a car and going somewhere. Do they do it? Yeah maybe once a year when they have a week or two off. Otherwise, people are too busy working, and living to have time to do that. So just like you, they have their one holiday per year. In fact you have it easier than most, you’re what 20 mins away from an international airport?
I can’t say it enough times. You don’t have it as bad as you think you do in Malta. Or to put it bluntly if you’re bored silly of your life in Malta, in a dead end job, boring friends, not much of a social life. If I stick you anywhere else in Europe, you’ll be bored silly, working in a dull, dead end job, dull friends (that is if you manage to make any) and you won’t have much of a social life. the only difference is you’ll be doing it in a different language. Malta is not the problem, it’s probably you! (I’m not directing this at David, just generalising)
@Steve,
Yes of course they do it, and not that rarely either!
Ask any foreign national what the thing they hate most about Malta is and following the rudeness of people like waiters, receptionists and bus drivers, it’s the size!
It is the hardest thing there is for them to get used too.
Of course I repeat that it’s nobody’s fault but it is a fact!
@ David Buttigieg:
I live 1 hour drive from Dublin and Belfast and believe me I only visit the cities on occasions or when relatives from Malta are over. I don’t know any of my mates here who would go their too often neither.
When it comes to tourism, I think it’s a joke. Yes, the public transport employees aren’t the nicest, but there’s a lot more to be said to why the tourist hardly enjoys his/her holiday in Malta.
British/Irish tourists, which are a big chunk of our clientelle, compare Malta to places like Lanzarote, Spain or similar countries, which are within the same price range and offer the same amenities, ie Sun, Sea, History, Nightlife etc
Many are the folks that will tell you they recently visited Malta. Most of the people I talk to, would be in their twenties or thirties, people that working here in the Northern Ireland tourism industry, I know what their entertainment budget would be. (not to mention that my partner was also once, too many times, a tourist in Malta:) ) Unfortunately, most (actually i think ALL) of them complain about the same thing: FREAK ALL TO DO. My first question would be: ‘Have you been to Paceville?’
This question brings a sudden silence. I know for a fact that tour operators (actually representatives) only brush through the name Paceville or other nightlife places. They try to sell their excursions and all their boring church visits to these crowd of nutters on their yearly BOOZING holiday.
Having said that, even MTA, aren’t exactly promoting Malta the way it should be. I watched a few times their advert on British and Irish TV stations (UK Living and RTE). It opens with a young couple running on a beach (which relatively Maltese beaches arn’t exactly beaches, but a spot of over-crowded sand)and sitting at Dwejra, then a few shots of old people visiting churches and museums and the most famous boat sailing through ‘Marsamxett’.
In my opinion if Malta was to be advertised as an alternative to Tenerife or Ibiza it would do a lot better and definitely bring in more cash, not to mention we would have a lot more ‘repeat clients’. Malta is not a Five Star resort, and will never be, as mentioned by David, it is too small, and there’s hardly any space for Five Star units.
So please, let’s promote the island as we should, to the right people, that would eventually spend some cash.
I agree with Christian here. The British and Irish 20-30 somethings want two things from a holiday. Sun and Alcohol! Whoever decided that to attract the British and Irish to Malta, we should use culture. The type of British and Irish who would be potential visitors to Malta couldn’t give two hoots about culture!