Imagine what pre-literate Malta was like if this is literate Malta
Eve Bajada must have gone through a lot of these in her time. Sadly, Christopher Aguis never gets laid.
The Labour Party’s army of headless chickens, Chairman Mao functionaries and gormless morons is currently tying itself up in knots discussing whether I pierced a condom (they write it c*ndom, because it’s a ‘bad word’ where they grew up) to get myself pregnant and force my husband into marrying me.
They are so exercised by this business – apparently, Ira Losco and Moira Delia don’t do the trick when it comes to filling the ‘gossiping about the stars’ gap in Malta – that you would be forgiven for thinking that my husband and I were married only yesterday, rather than – draw a deep breath here – 25 years ago.
The conclusion they have reached, though there are a few dissenters because, being Labour, their thoughts are like a ball of steel-wool, is that I must definitely have pierced a c*ndom because he wouldn’t have married me otherwise. In their peasant world, you see, women persuade men to marry them, rather than the other way round.
This is because he is ‘high class’ and I am ‘low class’, and his family ‘didn’t want me’. Oh chickens and elves, if only you knew.
Trid tkun il-vera ta’ wara l-muntanji biex ta’ Caruana Galizia tahsibhom ‘high class’ u ta’ Vella ‘low class’ – sorry, ‘kless’. But let’s not go into that, shall we?
There would be no Caruana Galizias had it not been for a Vella, who married Emmanuel Luigi Galizia and produced them – but then I wouldn’t expect a collection of Forum Zghazagh Laburisti guttersnipes and a barmaid from Soho to know that.
Galizia was an extremely gifted architect, as the surviving evidence shows, but he had a great advantage in that both his wife’s brother and father – the Hon. Francesco Vella (my great-great-grandfather) and the Hon. Giovanni Vella (my great-great-great-grandfather, buried in the Church of St Paul Shipwrecked) were the equivalent of today’s cabinet ministers- except that they were not elected, but selected.
And there’s more, my little headless chickens. Giovanni Vella’s father, Saverio Vella (my great-great-great-great-grandfather – I have to spell it out because I know you find these things complicated) was, together with his brother Michele Vella, one of Dun Mikiel Xerri’s band in the uprising against the French.
When they were caught at Marsamxett, Saverio was wounded with a shot to the neck, but being able to swim – a rare thing in those days – he threw himself into the sea, swam across to the other side, and got away – as a result of which, I am here today to cause maximum annoyance to the Labour Party.
His brother Michele Vella was not as fortunate. He was executed by firing squad in St George’s Square, Valletta
So you see, my little chickens, I have been well connected for rather longer than you imagine. Maltastar headline: BUZBUZNANNU OF PN GOSSIP COLUMNIST BLOWSY BIDNIJA BLOGGER IN FREINDS OF FREINDS SCENDAL IN 1850 – AND HE WAS GAY, SORRY, NO A VLADIMIR TRANNIE – BUZBUZBUZNANNU OF BIDNIJA TRANS-SEXUAL GETS GOVERMNENT CORUPTION JOB IN NIPOTSM DETERMENT AFTER FATHER HELPS BRITISH AGIANST FRENCH
Next one up: the devil visits me at night and my sons are really his spawn.
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Daphne, please stop insulting headless chickens. They make an extremely good roast (especially the free-range ones) and you’re going to put me off.
@ Eve Bajada and Christopher Aguis: Shame on you!
Aguis has done his Labour friends a favour by removing himself from their Facebook accounts.
They could have done themselves a favour and removed their link to his account.
You didn’t do too badly for the Caruana Galizia progeny either.
[Daphne – Exactly, given that there are only six young men by that surname in Malta, one of them is – by his own brave admission in this hostile environment, gay, and three of those six are mine.]
I knew one of them in school (one of the remaining two). I think he must have been the only 13-year old to whom you could apply the label “gentleman”.
Malta’s Village People. YMCA.
Denis, you should have greater worries yourself.
1. Make up your mind, which side of the fence you plan to jump.
2. Worry about how your formerly prosperous America has become the world’s greatest debtor (and to the Chinese, I may add).
3. For how many centuries will your descendants have to pay for Bush’s folly?
And here’s Denis Catania, the Maltese village branch in the new world. Having given up making snowmen, he now lives out his fantasies on the internet.
Ah, but in pre-literate Malta, power would have been in the hands of the literate and urbane. Until some miscreant sold us the lie that everyone has the right to an opinion, and by heck they have the right to shout it out loud. That’s when the world started going downhill.
No. The world started going downhill when they started selling people the idea that they were special no matter what.
Jew meta John Woo beda jaghmel il- films.
I disagree. It started going to ratshit somewhere around the middle of the 18th century, when a bunch of toff randy intellectuals put forward the idea that the Golden Age is ahead of us. 1789 was but the culmination of those lies in the intellectual powerhouse of Europe. In Malta we have Xarabank, and we had Mintoff ante verbum. (i.e. “il-hamallu jaf imexxi daqs il-kolt”)
Grandfather, he make prophylactics;
He’d puncture the end with a pin.
Grandmother performed the abortions;
My god how the money rolled in.
Sung to the tune of ‘My Bonny Lies over the Ocean.’ Follow the bouncing ball, kids!
Considering this interest in condoms, is Aguis also a Facebook friend of Noel Arrigo?
Eve Bajada looks old enough to be Aguis’ nanna.
She must be in the evening of life, then.
Louis, unfortunately they do not come in a size to keep Malta safe from the Labour Party.
It shows they don’t read your blog thoroughly enough. Or that their memory is a bit lacking. Or both. You had written once that the Vellas and the Caruana Galizias are related.
It’s the grey matter that’s lacking.
I suspect that the TYOM website will not survive for long. I wonder how many bloggers will be interested to read invented stories about Daphne’s family.
If they do not come up with some real stuff and analysis, their medicine will soon expire, and their site will be superseded by new advances in medicine.
Is Eve Bajada Maltese?
[Daphne – No. Aren’t you following? She met her husband, a Malti ta’ Londra, while she was working as a barmaid in Soho, having escaped her native Yorkshire. Malta exported its men to Soho, rarely its women. Now she spends her time telling GonziPN how to run the country, in between describing me as an evil wicked bitch from hell. I guess she met a few of those in her time while pulling taps.]
Daphne, I remember overhearing dodgy-looking Maltese men hanging round in Soho in the early eighties till late nineties. I used to go to the market there, but now the market is not as lively as before. The Maltese have been replaced by the Albanian Mafia, although I still hear the odd Maltese now.
…pulling taps. Hmm, I think pumping barrels is more appropriate.
Allura ghaliex tindahal fil-politika Maltija? Ghaliex ma tmurx tghin lil Gordon Brown kif imexxi pajjizu qabel ma jitlef kollox.
@ Pippo, it’s either my wine or your comment, but I’m in fits.
@ Pippo, read it again this afternoon, and it’s still funny.
Judging by Eve Bajada’s comments, the British education system has got a lot to answer for.
Your family relationships are really twisting these people up into knots, Daphne. More than one gender and two surnames, and they’re confused.
Here’s the political philosopher Pantera on the ‘Daphne is a Trans-sexual’ site. Now that the little business of just how ‘lowkless’ you are has been well and truly cleared up for them, they are left with a fresh problem.
If you are a Vella, then why did you write earlier ‘I am a Mamo, like my mother’? They can’t work it out. Put them out of their misery and explain that it’s an idiomatic expression indicating that you look like your mother’s side of the family and not your father’s.
#18 Pantera 2010-04-01 17:16Qalbi m’ghadekx ftit ilu kemm iddikkjarajt here http://daphnecaruanagalizia.com/2010/03/30/you-wont-believe-this-but/ “that you’re not a Vella but a Mamo like your mother”? X’gara issa? Why do you feel the sudden need to justify:”Trid tkun il-vera ta’ wara l-muntanji biex ta’ Caruana Galizia tahsibhom ‘high class’ u ta’ Vella ‘low class’There would be no Caruana Galizias had it not been for a Vella, who married Emmanuel Luigi Galizia and produced them – but then I wouldn’t expect a collection of Forum Zghazagh Laburisti guttersnipes and a barmaid from Soho to know that.” Oh boy you’re not ok
Let’s have some fun and confuse them a little bit more, Daph. Do you think they’ve worked out yet that we’re sisters, given that they’re presented here with the insurmountable problem of different surnames and the same gender? Maybe they’ll decide that I’m a trans-sexual too, or a closet homosexual.
Gather round, chick-chicks, and listen really carefully. Our great-great-grandfather Francesco VELLA (exactly the same Vella as Daphne) was married to Giulia Casolani Isouard. Her father Luigi was also a hbieb tal-hbieb of the 19th century: in fact, they called them the Casolanisti. And his brother Sir Vincent was secretary to Alexander Ball. And her mother’s brother was – you’ve guessed it, chickens; or have you? – Nicolo Isouard.
Now I can really hear the flapping in that coop.
The only pity is the fact that it is not possible for Daphne to adopt the “non ti curar di loro ma guara e passa” as Dante would have her do. The honour of her very respectable family has been the target of a lot of dirt. Carry on Daphne, all those who know you and your family are 100 per cent in agreement with your family-defence methods.
Every new lie about the Daphne clan puts these low-lifes at an even lower level than they ever imagined themselves to be.