Now for some light relief (oh dear): sex advice from the Lord of the Rings fans at Malta Today
When I found this photo on the internet, it was aptly filed as '0'. I left it like that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and you can tell the times are really desperate when Malta Today finds itself giving its readers advice on how to improve their ‘sax’ life by sticking a mirror over their bed.
So today I am left with a really pressing question and no answer: “Does Saviour Balzan have a mirror over his bed?”
I gather from the advertisement in Malta Today that his house in Naxxar is still on the market because nobody wants it yet. So will one of you please dress up as an Interested Buyer and go along on a recce?
The Bile Blogger Who Cannot Be Named is dying to find out whether this is how Mister Balzan gets his jollies.
Malta Today, 23 October 2011
DARE TO BE NAUGHTY: INSTALL A CEILING MIRROR
A ceiling mirror is one of those home improvement projects that nobody likes to talk about, but everybody enjoys. They add a romantic and adventurous edge to any master bedroom, and believe it or not, can be fairly easy to install.
It is important that you are careful about hanging any large, heavy piece of glass from your ceiling, but once you’ve got your project properly planned out, your new mirror should provide you with hours of enjoyment and fun.
Choosing the right mirror for your ceiling is one of the most important decisions you’ll make if you want to watch yourself from the comforts of your own bed.
(…)
Reflective sheeting and other cheaper alternatives are often mentioned by novices when it comes to this home improvement, but should be strongly discouraged. They usually end up creating more of a fun-house effect, and while fun is the name of the game with these home improvement projects, carnival mirrors aren’t exactly what most homeowners are looking for.
The most important thing to keep in mind here is that any mirror you plan to attach to your ceiling is actually a large, heavy piece of glass. That being the case, your primary concern in getting it installed correctly is to make sure it doesn’t come loose in the middle of the night and crush you or cut you to bits.
(…)
32 Comments Comment
Reply to Neil Dent Click here to cancel reply
OMG LOL ROFL PMSL etc, etc……..
Bis-serjeta? I guess it’s fun when you’re on your own too!!!!!!!!!! LOl OMG etc…..
I am pretty sure Saviour does not have a ceiling mirror. Judging from his videoblogs and his appearances on TV, it is clear that it has been some time since he had some fun.
Put yourself in his place. Look up into the ceiling mirror and then tell me if you’d have anything to smile about for the rest of your life.
This is hilarious, especially when you look at the sour-faced git aptly filed as “0”.
Sex advice from Salvu is like contraceptive advice from the Pope
I do not buy that newspaper, so I cannot say whether the article’s source was shown, but:
http://www.servicemagic.com/article.show.Raising-Romance-Installing-a-Ceiling-Mirror.15445.html
An article originally written by a certain Matt Goering.
[Daphne – No, they don’t give the source. Tsk tsk.]
Next they’ll be lifting from The Story of O
Dear Mrs DCG,
As a long-standing reader of your blog, I feel I must protest in the strongest possible terms at this scurrilous piece of journalistic reportage. I know some of your younger readers, no doubt brought up on lingerie parties, Earl Grey and Glekk-Coke, will laugh at such erotic filth.
Let them titter on, in their thongs and frilly bras, cavorting around some pole as eager hands slip devalued 10 Euro notes into their lacy suspenders. But I digress.
Am I the only decent Maltese citizen left? Am I the only one to thicken and engorge with mounting anger when I read such filth on public blogs?
As a young runner working under Mabel Strickland, I would have been whipped in her office, the one with the ceiling mirror installed, had I published such palpitation-inducing prose.
Today’s youngsters, with their promiscuous upbringing and daily trips to Bulgarian strip clubs, will no doubt call me old fashioned and prudent. Let them stew in their own foam parties. I feel I must take a proud, twitching stand against such depravity.
Back in my day, before the War, when prices at Strait Street bordellos were a mere fraction of the price for fifteen-minuter in a private booth at Messrs Stiletto, and a couple of kiwis would suffice for a night out, we had morals.
Strong, manly, layered and uncut morals. Such exotic practices as installing ceiling mirrors were unknown outside the restricted circle of magistrates’ dinner parties and religious services at l-Gholja tas-Salib.
I am practically foaming, not just at the mouth, as I write this. Ceiling mirrors, indeed! What has this country cum to?
Yours in flushed indignation,
Col. H. P. Baxxter (formerly 6/9 Battery, Royal Malta Artillery)
Thicken and engorge? Ooooeerr matron! I hope Entni isn’t reading this. A restless night might follow.
Dear Col. HP Baxxter, formerly 6/9 Battery,
Your indignation is perfectly understandable. At your age, when you need to be reminded that the right fun pill is the blue-colored one, in the shape of a diamond, a ceiling mirror is definitely an outrageous proposition.
A ceiling mirror has a major disadvantage – it has to be wiped clear if the room temperature gets too hot and humid for some reason.
Who would want to wipe a mirror clear while having some fun?
You would be happy to know that technology has moved on from glass and silver.
For the equivalent of a one month service pension, you can now mount a tiny digital camera above your bed, linked to a flat screen LCD HDTV, which you can place conveniently in front of your bed.
The camera has the added benefit of remote control zooming in and out.
And you can add special effects to your favourite memorable moments, too.
If you are into sharing, or suffer from the “arani” syndrome, you can record your special moments in bed and post them on YouTube, on your Facebook Wall or you can get someone to email them to your friends.
Yours truly
Ciccio, 121 Foundation
Cicco, Esq.
121 Foundation
Sir,
In my years of service to the Empire I thought I had seen it all: the dancing girls of Bali, the bearded ladies of Ulan Bator, the feline fillies of the Old Bazaar in Cairo, the pygmy ladies of the Upper Volta with their shaved armpits, the white nights of St Petersburg, the virgin white nights of Privé in Strait Street. But nothing had prepared me for this. A projector affixed to my bedroom ceiling!
Sir, it may be of much hilarity to you and your ilk to suggest such impossible Heath Robinson apparata, but my service pension is barely enough to cover my medication (two blue pills after Last Post), let alone the hiring of a street Arab to hand-crank Messieurs Lumière’s magnificent invention. Besides which, winching the little manservant up to the ceiling requires cordage and strength of which I am denuded.
I am informed, however, that one may apply to Silvio Parnis, Esq., who appears to be a circus strongman much given to aiding old veterans such as myself. The cordage, I am told, may be obtained from a certain Dr Zammit.
All that is missing is the manservant. I am as
Yours, in pulsating trepidation,
Col. H.P. Baxxter (formerly 6/9 Battery, Royal Malta Artillery)
bravu Ciccio
Wipe a mirror clean after having some fun? A CEILING mirror?
I’m impressed.
ciccio2011, Baxxter is not that old and it’s not the blue pill he needs but a bit of self esteem, a trip down the yellow brick road and maybe the wizard could give him some courage.
A ceiling mirror has a major disadvantage – it has to be wiped clear if the room temperature gets too hot and humid for some reason.
Ciccio, for a minute there I thought you were going to give another reason why the ceiling mirror would have to be wiped.
U ejja! Are they serious?
the more the merrier
Yes, right. Matthew Vella, Raphael Vassallo, Saviour Balzan, Karl SN and Julia Farrugia in a five-way.
They might as well raise some funds for Super One while they’re at it.
The rest of us can just sit back and hope that one of those mirror-hooks snaps.
It is thanks to Lawrence Gonzi that we are discussing ceiling mirrors over beds tonight.
In Greece, the entire population has quite different concerns.
i like
I don’t buy Malta Today. Is the article properly credited, or is it just “borrowed”?
[Daphne – No source credit, and no by-line either. It’s written in the first person singular and rings oddly without a by-line.]
http://www.servicemagic.com/article.show.Raising-Romance-Installing-a-Ceiling-Mirror.15445.html
“Matt Goering, formerly a carpenter and house painter, is a freelance writer for the home improvement industry who has published over 600 articles.”
Someone let us know?
Matt Goering must have copied it from Malta Today.
Vacancies- due to rapid business expansion, we a renowned company are looking for a young and energetic,self motivated , ” Ceiling Mirror Installers ” with own transport. Applications will be treated with confidentiality and soliciting will disqualify any potential applicants.
Kurjuza l-bicca! Imma allura nghid jien, kif se naqbad nghid?
Emm….Emm allura da jekk ikun irid jiehu wahda fuq il-mejda tal-kcina se joqghod iwahhal il-mera’ hemm ukoll?
Jew id-diffikulta tqum meta jrid jiehu wahda fuq il-wajer tal-inxir, se joqghod jimxi bil-mera qisa’ baldakkin sa fuq il-bejt?
Mhux ahjar jibla’ wahda vjola, u jtiha wahda tal-beraq?
Jaqbillu l-ewwel jiccekkja it-travi, il-kaptelli u li is-saqaf ma jqattarx, qabel ma jaghmel xi mera, dak ll-bahnan.
It sounds like some corny passe’ seventies idea.
I’m not sure what’s worse: John Dalli or Saviour inspiring the publication of the article.
Does this mirror attached to the ceiling work for short-sighted people?
Next they’ll be telling us how much fun you can have drawing lines.
Try ‘Contacts and Condoms’, an about-to-be-released new film,
Bay Area Buster
http://youtu.be/bl-Gs8jC6Ao
This ain’t a pussy but it helps.
Thank you all.- you made my morning.
Saviour is rather shortsighted, so I guess he must have very low ceilings, otherwise he will not be able to see the show.