As protestors are shot dead by police across the water in Tunisia, the hot news item here in Malta is: L-ATTAKK TA' BAJD TA' EDWIN VASSALLO
Maaaaa, x’pajjiz imn****k, bil-prioritajiet ta’ taht fuq. In 20 years, we’ve gone from having no Maltese news on the front pages to having ridiculous Maltese ‘news’ items eclipse the real news. Talk about tunnel vision.
Apparently, the police have taken a break from hunting for Baby Jesus’s kidnappers to keep Edwin Vassallo quiet by investigating the dastardly crime of eggs thrown at houses on a Mosta estate.
www.timesofmalta.com, this afternoon
POLICE INVESTIGATING EGG-THROWING INCIDENTS
The police are investigating two incidents last month where a large quantity of eggs were thrown at properties and cars in three streets in the area known as Santa Margerita, Mosta.
Nationalist MP Edwin Vassallo in a parliamentary question said that ‘hundreds’ of eggs had been thrown on two successive Sundays at Triq Dawret il-Wied, Triq il-Bwieqi and Triq il-Fuħħar.
The minister, Carm Mifsud Bonnici, said the police had stepped up their surveillance of the area.
Contacted by timesofmalta.com, Mr Vassallo said he could not understand what was behind the incidents, but a considerable number of eggs had been thrown. The incidents have not been repeated.
What can I say? Perhaps it was Kurt Farrugia’s goose, the one which lays golden eggs and is not a gander and famously starred on Maltastar some weeks back, on a drunken Goose Night out with some goose friends prior to one of them getting married to one of those ganders which don’t lay golden eggs because they’re boys.
Oh, and did I tell you that the price of a loaf of bread is about to go up? My god, what with that and the four cents price increase on a carton of milk, we’re spoilt for choice when it comes to headlining stories.
Somebody had better steal Baby Jesus again.
Next week on CSI: Crack crime-scene investigators work round the clock to retrieve fingerprints from dangerous eggshell fragments. Will toxic egg-yolk melt their arms? Was it the same people who stole Baby Jesus? Who cares? Find out in our next mind-numbingly boring episode.
But wait! Don’t turn the page yet, because there’s more.
www.timesofmalta.com, today
MALTESE SONGWRITER MAKES IT TO ICELANDIC EUROVISION FINALS
Songwriter Gerard James Borg has secured a place in the Icelandic Eurovision finals with a song that shares the title of Westlife’s 1999 hit Flying Without Wings…….Mr Borg’s song has been shortlisted among 12 final entries for the Icelandic national selection and will be sung in Icelandic.
And yes, even more world-beating stories:
www.timesofmalta.com, today
INVESTIGATION ON SCREENING OF PORN ‘CONTINUING’
The police are still investigating the screening of films by hotels and cable television, Home Affairs Minister Carm Mifsud Bonnici told Labour MP Adrian Vassallo in reply to a parliamentary question today.
What with eggs thrown in Mosta, the theft of plastic effigies from roundabouts and naughty films in hotels, the police have their work cut out.
Coming up! Next week’s top story (you read it here first):
CHRISTMAS FATHER ESCAPES FROM BALCONY AFTER HAVING BEEN STOLEN OFF ROUNDABOUT, STEALS PICK-UP TRUCK AND CRASHES THROUGH BARRIER ON REGIONAL ROAD BRIDGE AFTER BEING STARTLED BY ITALIAN STREAKER IN TUNNEL. NARROWLY ESCAPING WITH HIS LIFE, HE THEN SKIDS ON CONSIGNMENT OF EGGS INTENDED FOR PELTING AT THIRD ANTI-DIVORCE BILLBOARD ON HAZ-ZEBBUG CHURCH PARVIS AND MOWS DOWN BABY JESUS IN SHOCK-HORROR ACCIDENT PROVOKED BY INCREASE IN MPS’ SALARY.
“THANK GOD BABY JESUS IS MADE OF PLASTIC BECAUSE WHAT WITH THE FOUR CENTS INCREASE IN THE PRICE OF MILK, JOSEPH AND I CAN NO LONGER AFFORD TO FEED HIM,” SAYS RUBBER MADONNA THROUGH THICK LAYER OF SALT AND KITCHEN OIL, ADDING THAT SHE WAS NOT REFERRING TO OPPOSITION LEADER. “AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF GAS? ANY MORE OF THIS AND I’M GOING TO VOTE LABOUR. BY THE WAY, WHO ARE THE FAT MAN AND THE GAWKY CHICK WHO KEEP ASSAULTING ME WITH KITCHEN PRODUCTS AND TRYING OUT CONJURING TRICKS WITH BOUGAINVILLAE THORNS? I HAVE REPORTED THE ABUSE TO EDWIN VASSALLO, AND IF HE DOESN’T BRING IT UP IN PARLIAMENT, I’M GOING TO VOTE FOR ANGLU FARRUGIA.”
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“Talk about tunnel vision”? http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20100826/local/streaker-shocks-morning-motorists
Perhaps this could help the police in their investigations of the Mosta crime scene:
http://daphnecaruanagalizia.com/2010/10/27/il-wizz-ta-kurt-spicca-bla-bajd/
Thank god you’re back Daphne!
The Christmas Father stole the pick-up truck from St. George’s Bay, while the police on duty in the area were chasing some Italian skinny-dippers to be charged later in court with not keeping “decency and decorum in the country” and to be fined Euro 100 each. http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20100813/local/another-four-men-fined-for-skinny-dipping
Further down on his journey on the Regional Road, in Marsa, he was caught up in slow traffic as drivers looked on bemused while some other busy policemen were this time taking part in a wild chicken race. Some cocks were also on the run.
http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20100225/local/police-in-wild-chicken-chase
I find Gerard’s song quite intriguing but even the Icelandic people would not have the gall to send it to the Eurovision song contest.
Flying Without Wings….on a cloud of volcanic ash. No I don’t think Europe is quite ready for that sort of mocking yet.
Nahseb li hija xi haga tabilhaqq straordinarja illi zewg deputati bl-istess kunjom jiddiskutu l-bajd u l-pornografija fil-parlament.
“…IF HE DOESN’T BRING IT UP IN PARLIAMENT, I’M GOING TO VOTE FOR ANGLU FARRUGIA”
Speaking of, I just got a lovely invitation from Anglu Farrugia to visit some meeting or other. It was carbon copied and hand cut on a piece of standard run-of-the-mill copying paper, with his lovely picture in high contrast black and white, right in the middle.
Maybe there was an increase in the price of stationery as well.
At least The Times of Malta is keeping us up to date with UK news as seen two days before on Sky: royal wedding next April, Becks and Posh to have a fourth child; they fill about 2/3 pages. It looks as if the now defunct British empire strikes back.
I have had enough of The Times. Post-colonial nostalgia reigns high in filling the pages of this once august newspaper.
I sent this letter to Times of Malta last week; obviously it was not published:
Dear Sir,
I have been an avid follower of timesofmalta.com since its inception and would appreciate your confirmation that indeed there is a moderator (as I am sure there is); so what are the rules of engagement and the no-go areas?
As to the people who post (once and for all these are not bloggers), in my book this genus can be categorised as follows:
1.I agree with ABC (il-Bocca) that, yes, they do belong to the great unwashed.
2.They also belong to the great unread as I think that no newspapers or books (horror, what are these?) ever crosses their threshold.
3.They do not watch international news channels but only Maltese ones (for what they are worth).
4.Will please somebody point out that leaving Caps Lock on is a no-no in posting and is called flaming.
5.They think Malta is the centre of the world and everything and everyone rotates around it.
6. In their book, everything that goes wrong is the fault of the government, the EU, the Euro and Melita Cable, not necessarily in that order. Most of them think that the Opposition, if in government in 2013, will lead Malta out of the EU and into the Promised Land by reinstating the dear, old Malta Lira.
7.They do not know or understand that there is a whopping recession out there and that Malta is not immune from its effects.
8.Sometimes their spelling, in Maltese and English, and punctuation leave much to be desired. I suppose they compose their post as they would an SMS message.
I have set the ball rolling and I am sure that many of your readers can add to this list of the traits of those who post on timesofmalta.com. I will not enter into any discussion of a sociological nature or otherwise so; forewarned is forearmed.
Anthony Farrugia